A Freelance Writer’s Year of Gratitude

Today is my second favorite day on the calendar — the shortest day of the year. It’s all uphill from here! My very favorite is the longest day — in the summer, no less, which is my favorite season.

For this day, I am grateful.

In fact, today’s post isn’t the usual end-of-the-year hurry-up-and-make-resolutions-now post. Those of you who know me know I’m not fond of resolutions. They’re the fastest way ever invented to let yourself down. I prefer making plans for the goals I set. And I don’t wait until January 1st to set them. Today is a good day. So is tomorrow. Or sometime in May. Or again in July. Goals, and plans, should be revisited often and not made based on a calendar, I say.

Enough of that. Today is about gratitude.

I had lunch with a writer friend yesterday. At the end of the lunch, we hugged as usual. Then I heard it coming out of my mouth. “I appreciate you. I wanted you to know that.”

Nope, I hadn’t planned it. Yes, she was touched. She’d had a rough few years with a spouse who went AWOL with another woman. As I drove home, I realized she may not have had positive reinforcement like that in a long time.

This year has been like that for me. I’ve been more vocal about my feelings. I’ve not regretted any of it.

I told a high school classmate why I will no longer follow him on social media. He thanked me for my honesty and we parted on good terms.

I told my dying father several times I loved him. What a dear friend said of her own family applies to my own – “We do not emote.”

As I was helping my mom change my father’s soiled underthings, I rolled him over and talked softly into his ear as my mom did the dirty work. I asked him if he remembered the night we were fishing and the super moon was so big we thought it would touch the water. I’m grateful that he responded “Yes. That was something.”

I’m grateful for every second he and I spent together. Even though I never wanted to lose him, we shared so many great moments — just us — that I was able to say goodbye without anything other than the regret that he wasn’t still here.

I volunteered my Fridays to babysit my grandson. I’ve spent so much quality time watching that little baby turn into a personality, and I’m grateful for the chance to donate one day of work toward bonding with him. And my #FridaysWithJaxon posts on Facebook are eagerly awaited by my friends.

I let go of something that was shadowing me in an unhealthy way. It was an upset — a pretty serious one — but I released it. I talked openly with family members about it, and told them out loud it was time I let it go. Then I did. Since then, my life has been sweeter. I’m grateful for the ability to see how sometimes, even when you’re right, the anger and upset can ensnare you and keep you from healing.

I’ve learned to insert much more respect into how I interact with my mother. She loves a good verbal tussle, but sometimes I think even she wearies of it. I’m grateful that she and I are so close, and I’m doing much more to treat her with the love and respect she deserves. Since my father passed, I feel protective of her. Bulldog-style protective. But even that kind of over-the-top love isn’t necessary.

I’ve told some of the special people in my life that they are indeed special to me. My cousin who is my closest confidant. My brother, who is my polar opposite politically, but who is a thoughtful human. My children. My husband. My stepchildren (whom I would protect as fiercely as my own children). I’m grateful for being part of their lives. I can’t get my sister on the phone to tell her she’s special (and remember, we don’t emote, so it would make her uncomfortable), but I appreciate her.

I’ve spent this year working with some really wonderful clients. I am grateful to be part of their lives, and to have the honor of getting to know them through the work we do together, and through the emails we share. I appreciate the work they allow me to do for them.

And I’ve spent this year with you. You who come here and read my posts, share your own thoughts, or even just lurk make this all worthwhile. I’m grateful for you.

Have a wonderful holiday. I’ll see you in January.