You know the feeling:
You’re running to beat deadlines, you have a holiday flying up on you faster than expected, you have yet to book that flight, someone’s playing Christmas music over and over and….
Did I just hear your last nerve snap? Wait, no. That was mine.
Go on. Admit it. You’re losing your sh*t right now.
It’s common this time of year (at least it’s common in my orbit). The clients who are actually still working need things wrapped up by the 31st. (Only chances are they’ll need it sooner since they will be taking the time off you’re dying to take).
You want to scream, don’t you? Instead, you work longer days. Well, that might be just me again.
But ask yourself this —
What would happen if you told your client at the outset that you’re not going to be around after a certain date?
Probably this:
“Okay, then let’s make the deadline for January 3rd or 4th. How does that sound?”
That’s one way of handling a lack of time and an overabundance of work. And you didn’t even have to lose your sh*t over it.
Aside from avoiding my own professional meltdown, here are a few things I do to remain a professional in public on those occasions when I really am losing it:
Vent in private.
I had a boss at a fast-food place I’d worked at ages ago who had an interesting way of handling stress. He told us on his first day as manager that if he went into the walk-in cooler and shut the door, it was his time to vent. He would remove his upset from the view of customers and his employees and just be alone with it for a few minutes. In all the time I’d worked with him, he never yelled at an employee, never showed anger in front of anyone, and only on a few occasions actually needed his cooler break. He’d given himself a way to vent that he found he didn’t really need. When I vent, I do it to an empty house sometimes. It beats trying to explain what happened and why it was so upsetting.
Find a sympathetic ear.
I find this one to be a dangerous direction, but if I limit myself to a few emails or a short phone call about whatever has upset me, I can walk away a little easier. I used to do this a lot with my sister — I’d vent about my day, she’d vent about hers. We weren’t required to listen to each other, but to give ourselves space to say what we wouldn’t dare say in public.
Discuss among other writers.
Private groups and forums are where I’ve done a bit of complaining. If I’m about to lose my sh*t, I head over to the About Writing Squared forum, where it’s safe to do so, and let it rip. What works about this is the other writers offer suggestions or ask questions that can lead to a solution. What might not work is if the complaining becomes habitual. I could go down that rabbit hole far too quickly.
Find one good thing for every bad thing.
That’s how I temper my upset when there’s nothing I can do about it. Post something positive on social media or on forums. Look through my “Kudos” file for positive reinforcement. Give myself permission to lose my sh*t, but not to wallow.
Rearrange the schedule.
If the problem is not enough time, I haul out my calendar and start scheduling work. One hour for this project, a break, an hour on this one… and I prioritize by deadline.
Assert myself when needed.
The client who shouted at me for what she thought was an ethical violation (it wasn’t — she simply didn’t understand what “freelance” meant). The client who calls with a four-pm-on-Friday-need-it-by-9-am-Monday request. The friend who asks for one more free writing favor though I hadn’t seen her in five years. These are situations when I’ve stood up for myself — professionally, but without any doubts about what I would and would not tolerate or do. I’m not contentious, and I won’t make an excuse if it’s something I don’t want to do or something I will not tolerate.
Drop difficult people from my life.
It’s not just difficult clients who make me lose my sh*t, particularly in a social media setting. I’ve dropped the more negative people from my feeds, stopped responding to direct challenges when someone disagrees with me, and stopped sharing my opinion in general. I’ve removed friends from my orbit, refused to answer client emails that are laced with vitriol, and chose to put my energy into more positive things on a few occasions. It’s amazing how negativity can infect your day. Letting go of it and focusing on more important things can be freeing.
When was the last time you thought you’d lose your sh*t? What were the circumstances?
How did you handle it?
4 responses to “Losing Your Freelance Sh*t While Remaining a Pro”
It’s happening this week. With someone who refuses to respect boundaries. I’d like to walk away but can’t. I have to wrap things up over the next few months & be smart about how I disengage.
Agreed. Walking away requires finesse in some cases. Would love to hear privately how you plan to disengage. Each situation comes with its own set of minefields, doesn’t it?
First I vent to my dog. She looks at me with curiosity, which usually makes me laugh. If that doesn’t work, I call my sister (a week is not complete without at least one of us calling the other to vent). If she’s not home, or if it’s a very writing-specific issue I move on to Anne’s forum.
I’m really lucky to only have one small project to work on over the holidays—the interview is today but the article isn’t due until January 11— in addition to the weekly column, which my editor said I can skip if I need to as long as I let him know ahead of time.
I think your former boss was on to something with his cooler breaks. He knew that complaining to the people around you only serves to increase the stress for everybody. Venting is more about the person venting, and their need to process emotions, than it is communicating about a problem. Once the emotions are vented, cooler heads can find ways to deal with whatever the issue may be.
I have one due on the 9th, Paula. Getting that last interview has proven to be a bit challenging.
He was on to something, I agree. His giving himself permission to vent in private, I think, also allowed him to let go of the unnecessary stress. It created a sense of control over his anger maybe. I just know he rarely let anything get to him, and he never took it out on us.