This week’s worth-inducing tip attempts to undo what could be a genetic flaw, but that’s never stopped me from trying. Too often writers, mostly those at the beginning of their careers, will insert an apology alongside a proposal. Raise your hand if you’ve said or typed any of the following paraphrased lines:
– “I’m sorry, but I have no published clips.”
– “I know it’s not my specialty, but…”
– “Even though I’m a beginning writer, I…”
– “There may be other writers more skilled than I am, but…”
If you have ever made an excuse for your lack of experience or lack of subject-matter knowledge, stop it right now. You’re killing me.
True story – when I got my first editor position, I had no clue what I was writing about. My test involved translating a Technical press release into a 500-word technical article. When I handed it in, I didn’t say to the editor “I really have no idea if I did it right.” I handed it in, thanked him, and waited (okay, I was nervous as a cat in a crowd of dogs, but he didn’t know that). Would he have hired me if I’d admitted my doubts? I don’t know. I should ask him. But I didn’t give him any reason not to. If he didn’t like my writing, that’s one thing. If he didn’t like my self-doubt, that’s just my stupidity.
So stop doubting yourself. You’re a writer because you possess some skill and talent in that regard. Stop letting apologies cloud your brilliance. And for gawd’s sake, don’t let others define your value.
Do you still apologize? What’s that look like? When was the last time you did? When did you stop?
Lori,
This reminds me of something totally unrelated to writing, but it may have set the stage for my willingness to try anything.
I was the first person in my family to go to college, and I was in a work-study program to help pay for my education. I was assigned to the library, and when I showed up, the librarian took me into a tiny office and said, "Your application said you took typing. You'll type the catalog cards for us."
The only problem was (and I'm dating myself now!) the little high school I attended owned only one electric typewriter. We each got to type on it once during the year; the rest of the time, we used the old manuals. We didn't even get to turn it on—the teacher turned it on for us and just let us type a few paragraphs.
You guessed it—the typewriter in the library was an electric. I immediately panicked. I saw myself being kicked out of school because I couldn't do the job, humiliating myself and dashing my family's dreams.
So I took a deep breath and said, "Do you have a manual for this machine I could take back to the dorm and study? I'm not familiar with this model."
The librarian handed me the book with the secrets to this challenging piece of equipment. I took it back to my room and studied it. The next day, I returned to work and turned on that typewriter just as if I'd done a hundred times before.
I don't know if the librarian ever realized I didn't know what I was doing, but in a few months, I was given the most complicated jobs in the library and even typed the minutes and correspondence of the faculty as the librarian was the faculty secretary.
Thanks for bringing back this memory. I hope it reinforces your message not to apologize.
Lillie Ammann
A Writer's Words, An Editor's Eye
*Raises hand*
I believe I, at one point or another, have said a variation of every one of those listed. Specifically in the beginning of my career.
Unfortunately, I have found myself saying these apologetic statements even now. Then I kick myself afterwards.
I tend to say, "Even though it's not my speciality, here's what makes me uniquely qualified for the job" and then explain how particular skills developed in other areas (such as my B'way experience) make me the strongest choice for the gig.
It works more often than it doesn't.
I don't know how many times I get an assignment where my first reaction is "I have no clue where to start." Fortunately, I don't remember saying that out loud.
I find that if you ask the right questions until you understand exactly what the client wants, somewhere in that process you figure out a way to do it.
I'll occasionally apologize–but when I do it's intentional. It's can be a good way to acknowledge a client's objections in during a negotiation while providing an opening to overcome them.
I think Devon's comment hammers the very same nail.
That really only works when you're sincere about it, though. And if I do it, I am.
But there's a big difference between that sort of earnest apology and the meek kind that's a byproduct of self-doubt.
It's usually not a good idea to say anything negative about yourself. A little self-deprecation can be an antidote to excessive ego, but reflexive apology stemming from a lack of confidence probably isn't a good idea.
You're doling out some good advice with this one.
Lori,
Great post, and all of the comments are helpful! I don't consider myself to have a "specialty" (though I prefer writing features above anything else), which can make for some interesting opportunities. I'm hesitant to turn anything down, because deep down I'm worried if I say "no", I'll never be asked again! So far, if I'm unfamiliar with a certain kind of project, I ask a lot of initial questions to make up for my know-how of that type of project. I figure it out as I go, and ask questions if I get stuck. It's been working for me, and I've even been complimented on my thoroughness a few times.
Okay… I know I'm going to get in trouble for this (hmmm, maybe I should apologize :)) but I'm going to say it anyway. In my experience hiring people both in the corporate world and in the writing world I have noticed that the majority of people who tend to preemptively apologize are female.
I'm not saying every woman does this or that only women do this, it's just something I've noticed. I even did it myself until I started hiring people and saw the difference. The men and women who DID NOT preemptively apologize seemed more confident, solid, reliable and strong. The women (and 1 man that I can remember) who DID preemptively apologize seemed insecure, scared, wishy-washy and weak.
Ironically, I think it took guts for the people who apologized upfront to acknowledge their disadvantage and be honest about it ('cause a lot of people just tried to BS it) but it didn't come across the way they wanted it to.
So I guess the solution is to find a way to be honest and upfront without sounding weak and be confident without being a lying a-hole.
I tend to just be forthright. I don't present myself as anything I don't think I am and I answer honestly if I don't know something. What more can you do 🙂
Carson's thinking along the same lines that I do. I will occasionally apologize, but only if it's warranted. On the rare occasions I make a mistake, I own up to it, apologize, and ask my editor what I can do to help correct it.
Devon, that's exactly what I was going to suggest! It's all about the delivery. :o) If you say, "I'm sorry, but I don't have any experience in that area," the client is going to hear, "not experienced." If you say what Devon said, it shifts the focus onto something positive — and no apology is needed.
Carson is right — apologies can be used to your advantage — but NOT if they make the client's mind focus on something negative about you.
Lillie, that's a great story! I would've done the same, felt the same, and worried about the same. 🙂
Devon, it's a good sales approach – if they remember to add the second part showing HOW they can still do the job. 😉
Wendy, Cheryl, I remember doing it and thinking it, so I think you have plenty of company!
Carson and Paula, depending on the circumstance, it could be to one's advantage, but it's going to be a rare thing. I'm talking about people who start off with "I'm sorry for taking in the same air" kind of statements. I'd much rather hear "I'm eager to tackle this topic – it sounds like something I'll love learning about." It says "I don't know" without screaming amateur.
Great approach, Sara. When I started writing insurance articles, I called experts and said, "This is all new to me – educate me." They LOVE talking about their industries!
No trouble from me, Yo. I've seen the same thing. And it's so frustrating! When I was doing resumes, I noticed a trend – the women with 20 years experience were hesitant to go for the management positions that men with 5 years experience were demanding. I remember having to talk one woman into aiming higher! And I agree – be upfront. The best way I know how is what I said to Carson and Paula – just be eager to learn and confident about trying.
Amen, Katharine!
Your blog looks good. Congratulations. I invite you to contribute to Contemporary Horizon, an independent and multicultural magazine, with your writings. Thanks.
Daniel D. Peaceman, writer and editor
E-mail: drgdaniel@yahoo.com
A little late to the party on this one (and ever-so-slightly off topic), but I thought this was an interesting recent example of the power of a real, appropriate & successful business-based apology:
http://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/the-world/article/the-art-of-mea-culpa-guy-kawasaki
Good advice. I don't believe I say I'm sorry too much…if so…sorry. Kidding.
Really helpful post.
Journaling Woman, LOL! Thanks. 🙂
I used to add qualifiers, which are sort of apologies! But I don't know – I acknowledge that I work dang hard at my craft, worked hard to be published, work hard to be published again – yup, no more apologies!
love this post….
I can't wait to hear some of those. I'm still working on getting an actual job but until I do, thanks for the insights you give here.
Thanks for your recent comments, Lori, at A Writer's Edge. I don't always reply [bad, bad blogger!] because of a lack of time or something to say.
I always apologize when a client is unhappy with something about my work (even if it is the client's fault). Seems to be a good business practice for me. The last time I did, it was for taking much longer than I had estimated editing a manuscript. Result: the client added a bonus to the last payment (the one that comes right before I deliver the goods).
However, I am with you about apologizing in advance. Or always, about everything. That's not only counter-productive, it's also a sign of codependency, and no one needs to advertise their personality problems.
*removes psych hat*
Codependency – that's it! There's just something that says "I'm sorry I exist" about apologies before you've done something to apologize for.
Kathryn, sometimes they probably want to hear the qualifiers. Makes them realize you're not just overly confident. Did it work for you?
Hang in there, Paul. Work will come. 🙂