At a writing group meeting I was once part of, a new person dropped by the group to check us out. We knew within 20 minutes that he wasn’t going to fit. See, our meetings were an hour and a half long. He took the first 20 minutes to avail us of his “vast” experience in writing, which amounted to a monthly fishing column in the local newspaper. But that experience was enough for him to believe he had plenty to teach us. And lord, did he try.
After his lengthy autobiographical “hi” we got down to business. I was first. I read my new essay, a two-page piece that he proceeded to rip to shreds. Mind you, I’ve taken a lot of criticism in my day – most of it useful. But this dude took it upon himself to take my story and go through it line-by-line, rewriting it entirely. (When someone argues your use of “said” or “and”, you know it’s nitpicking.) I listened to see if he had any suggestions for how I could make it better. Instead, he made the fatal mistake that hobbyists-who-think-they’re-the-next-Hemingway make; he took my idea and inserted his own story where mine used to be.
I was tolerant, but when he changed my killer ending, which the others in the group loved, I objected. I said, “That’s not how I want to end it.” After spending close to an hour destroying any evidence that I’d written that story, he had the nerve to throw his hands up in disgust and declare sarcastically, “Well! I was only trying to help!”
If it had ended there, we would’ve had a pretty interesting story about a guy who was obviously full of himself, among other things. However, the story continued. That evening, I got a call from this man, whom I hadn’t given a phone number to. He asked if I had a fax machine. Yes, I did, I responded. I’d like to send you something, he said. Puzzled, I said okay.
After the printer stopped spitting out paper, I picked up what he’d sent. This man whom I’d never met before, this self-proclaimed professional writer, had sent me a six-page single-spaced critique of my two-page double-spaced story. Because I’d objected to his rewriting my ending, he’d spent a page and a half of his fax to explain why my ending on my paper was much better done his way. Again, he chose to rewrite my story for me, right there on paper. To paraphrase Eddie Izzard (insert appropriate English accent): what an arrogant bastard.
The others in the group were mortified by his behavior, by how he’d treated my story, and by how he’d attempted to eviscerate me verbally. One woman, whom I always felt was one of the best writers never to have published, said if he’d done that to her, she would’ve died of embarrassment and rethought her writing. (I’m a bit more stubborn than that – I’d never let any man who thinks he knows everything determine my worth) Another in the group suspected that because I also wrote for a local newspaper, he felt threatened and wanted to put me in my place. Whatever the reason, we all agreed that he’d not be welcomed back. No matter – he never returned. He’d determined that we weren’t up to his level of writing. How he’d know is beyond me – mine was the only story out there that evening and honestly, it wasn’t that bad.
He made many mistakes in that group meeting. First, he became defensive of what had suddenly become “his” story. Hell, I didn’t recognize it as mine anymore, so that had to be why he reacted so strongly when I disagreed with his ending to my damn story. Another mistake he made – coming into the group believing he didn’t need it. If you’re there simply to correct people and prove you’re the better writer, get a job at the local college and pester adult learners in the evening classes.
He also made the mistake of talking too much. His gawd-awful-long introduction included handouts of his fishing column, which made it apparent to all of us (since we were all editors, as well) that he needed a bit of work in the editing department. He consumed too much time with trivial discussion instead of allowing space for others to move into and for the group to move forward in its goal that evening.
And let’s just say his critique fell flat. Suggestions are welcome. Pointing out the writer’s errors are also welcome. But starting with “This just doesn’t work” and then rewriting it? Now you’re just being insulting. I would never (nor should you) take someone else’s work and rewrite every line, let alone fax it to them later just to make sure you’ve kicked them hard enough. You have to be a mighty narcissist jerk to think that’s okay in anyone’s universe.
I have belonged to a number of writing groups over the last *ahem* years. While each group has been structured somewhat differently, the way members conduct themselves obviously needed to remain constant. In the last three groups I’ve been in, we’ve had people who talk incessantly (and over other people), people who tell “cute” stories that last for ten minutes but never quite end or make any point, people who want so badly to be included, yet never show up for meetings (and they were email meetings, so it’s not like sometime that particular day that person couldn’t open a freakin’ email). We’ve even had people who push their particular religious, political, or moral agendas to the point where other members whose beliefs were exactly opposite became offended. (The guy was a virgin nudist who loved to write graphic torture/murder pieces. The woman was a staunch Christian who penned God-themed essays. Tolerance between them lasted about three minutes.)
Here is a list of my current (and best) group’s expected etiquette:
1. One person speaks at a time.
2. If you want to chat, come 30 minutes prior to the meeting so we can catch up and still start on time.
3. As we critique, one person speaks. No talking over another person’s “turn” to critique. You can interject a similar point, but you have just one minute to do so. Then it’s back to the person with the floor.
4. We’re here to help – therefore, be kind while you’re giving suggestions.
5. No idle chit chat during reading/critiquing.
6. If you have a funny story or anecdote to tell, get here early or write it in story form.
We’ve gone through a lot of changes in our group over the last decade, but we’ve managed to come up with what we think are workable points of etiquette. When our group swelled last year from five members to nearly 10, we had to come up with ways for proper critiques from the entire group. For us, the group became too big and we had to split the group in order to accomplish anything. We’re back to five, and it’s a perfect number for the way we operate.
Tomorrow, building your writing group.
That’s one reason I don’t post for critique on writing forum boards, either. Give me SUGGESTIONS; do not REWRITE as though it was yours. There are several people I know in particular who do that even when you ask them not to; so why put my work in front of them? My Trusted Readers get it instead.
The last writing group in which I participated, we did not read during the group. Material was handed out the previous meeting; it was read in between meetings and then discussed.
For me, that works better than listening to someone read. I want to take my time, re-read it several times, and really enter the work, which I find I can’t do if the first time I hear it is in the moment.
The point is CONstructive criticism, not DEstructive. You want the work to be the best it can be within the original writer’s vision, not the person who critiques it.
Oh man. I guess I haven’t had the best experiences with writer’s groups, because I can’t handle the thought of being in one without shuddering. I’ve listened to the narcissists, the rape-and-torture story writers, the know-it-alls and the couldn’t-write-their-way-out-of-a-paper-baggers. Once I sat through 8 months of listening to a guy who thought he was Jim Morrison incarnate drivel on about the moon and his (nonexistent)lovers. Just..can’t…handle…writer’s…groups…
That said, I’m glad you’ve found a group that works for you. I know if I had one, my creative writing would be a lot farther along.
**Note to self: Do not join writers group.**
LOL! Ladies, I’m here to say when it works, it works beautifully. My current group is family. We are emotionally attached to each other and look after one another. No way any of these folks would cause angst!
I’m saying that groups do have issues and that having pre-arranged processes in place really does help alleviate any issues. You HAVE to have an approval process/trial period for new members. If you don’t, you run the risk of getting stuck with an overly obnoxious person whose sole intent is showing everyone how special he/she is.
…or how “speshul.”
LOL! Exactly. If I had a fishing column, well gee, Harper Collins would be beating down my door too, dontcha know.
Snark. :))
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