The Hell That is My Checkbook
Why is it that every time taxes roll around, my checkbook springs a leak? I just shored it up after the April Fiasco (called Tax Day by some), squeaked through the June quarterly payments and now as September is closing in, damn if that thing isn’t back to low, scary amounts again.
It’s like this – on paper (and to the IRS), I’m worth something rather decent. However, in reality I spend two months out of twelve breathing sighs of relief, only to have to suck it all back in shortly after the bills are paid. I’m owed LOTS of money by clients, but damn if those checks don’t come in piecemeal. Too bad my bills didn’t do the same.
I need a money management system. I have Quicken, but I must be dumber than a bag of shoestrings. I put my income in there and it shows up with a minus sign. Or maybe Quicken is psychic, having been on my computer long enough to figure me out? Do I hear snickering coming from the monitor?
Freelancers, if you dance this same dance, you are definitely not alone. It’s the thing we self-employed loathe the most – lack of continuity. My agent said the same thing – “Sure, you make it, but you can’t spend a dime of it.” She’s right. She’s been through that cycle enough to understand that bills are the ONLY things that get our hard-earned dollars. The luxuries – new clothes, cute little purses, honking big Harleys or Beamers – just don’t happen.
I’m frustrated because I see how much I’ve earned so far this year and I’m not too far off my targeted goal. So what went wrong? Let’s see – the oldest needed dental surgery. The youngest needed senior photos. The car needed a catalytic converter. The husband needed me to pay my share of real estate taxes. It’s endless.
One thing disturbed me – I was mentioning my tight financial spots to a few friends, and I was shocked by how many of them said, “You’re married – let your husband take care of you!” Uh, what century are we living in again? For starters, this is my second (and last) marriage. Any money he’s managed to make and save rightfully goes to his children. Same as if I were the one with the full-time job and cash saved up. It’s only fair. Then there’s the notion that an independent person is a happy person. If I let “the man” take care of me, where exactly is my independence in that? No, I decided after my divorce that this woman wasn’t going to rely on anyone else for her survival. It’s me or it’s bust. Sorry – just a small vent there.
So what can I do? I can only do this – stay on top of my invoicing, stay on top of my marketing and make those clients happy. Otherwise, I’m off to Monster and CareerBuilder to put an end to the madness. Somehow, the thought of cubicles makes me try that much harder.
My husband keeps encouraging me to expand my business more and more so when we have kids he can be the stay-at-home parent and I can support him. :]
Kristen