There are days when I wish like mad I could drop the professional demeanor and really speak my mind. It’s on days when clients change contract terms randomly, promise “royalty” payments, expect 50-percent drops in fees, or make you jump through a dozen hoops just to find out the job pays a whopping penny an article. If you’re like me, you’ve had plenty of opportunity, thanks to the proliferation of ridiculous to non-existent business practices of others. Don’t bite. As much as they dangle the carrot, attempt to incite argument, don’t bite.
Remove emotion. They called you what? Unless they’ve come to your house and set you on fire personally, don’t respond to emotional ploys to get you entangled in a bitter war of words. Extract the emotions. Focus on the facts. When the emotional crud escalates (and it will, for all emotional control games escalate when the target won’t play), repeat the facts. ONLY the facts. If it continues and it’s clear to you that things are over between you, don’t respond. Envision that client as the flame on the end of a welding torch. You’d not stick your hand over that, would you? Don’t burn yourself over a stupid, fruitless disagreement.
Suck it up and say…nothing. I’m not saying if your client changes the payment terms you should smile and accept it. I’m saying state your terms, firmly if you have to, cite chapter-and-verse of your contract, and clam up. Just as you’re not going to accept an emotional argument, you’re not going to create one, either.
Don’t fall for the nicey-nice. All about emotions today, isn’t it? Well, that sweet client who can’t seem to remember to pay your invoice is using emotional blackmail to keep you from sending out that litigation notice. Again, remove all emotion – you’re running a business. I don’t care if she’s your new best friend. She owes you money and she’s your client. Act accordingly.
Reiterate your terms. It doesn’t matter that your client’s just offered you royalties and that’s all they have to pay. If that’s not in line with your billing process (and it damn well shouldn’t be), restate that your fee per hour/project is X and that royalties are not accepted. Don’t respond with the “Are you JOKING?” line you’re dying to use.
Sleep on it. Many’s the client curve ball I’ve been tossed that had I responded instantly I’d have fouled out on. When your client blindsides you with something unacceptable or just plain crazy, walk away from the computer. If you’re on the phone, excuse yourself by saying you need to consider what’s been said and refer to your files before responding, then hang up. Don’t answer when your emotions are high. Let it sink in, consider your options, then find the best way to respond that sticks to the facts and asserts your own boundaries.
When, if ever, have you dropped the professional demeanor?
"Unless they've come to your house and set you on fire personally" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I think I'm a little less diplomatic than you, but then I do a lot of work with insurance agents and they're a little less politically correct with me so it all evens out *wink*
I actually think it's a lot easier to remain professional when most of your communication is via email. There are many times that if it were in person, I probably would have said something totally unprofessional, but since I have to formulate an email (and since I'm a perfectionist — or OCD, however you prefer to look at it), I end up rewriting it until the professional tone sneaks its way back in.
Yo, I work with the insurance companies, so I hear you. 🙂 And an insurer would never set you on fire – too much liability they'd have to pay for or find a plausible exclusion for. ;))
Totally agree, Katharine. Email makes it easier. And it's not OCD – it's intense professionalism. 😉
Thanks to my stoic Swedish heritage, I've never been prone to over-react or play into emotionally-charged set-ups.
I don't lash out. I don't curse. I don't scream. (Occasionally, I will lecture, but only when I think it's warranted.) I typically take a breath and consider the most diplomatic recourse. Often, it's to compose a letter or e-mail calmly and rationally outlining my perspective.
Darn these Swedish genes. I had to get the stoicism instead of the blond hair.
It's not OCD – it's intense professionalism. 😉
When you finally get around to opening the Words on the Page store, this *has* to be on magnets, T-shirts, & banners that can be attached to airplanes & dragged across the skies 🙂
On the challenge of retaining one's professional demeanor, I always think back to my days in front of classrooms full of high school sophomores. My mindset when handling the inevitable conflicts that occurred there was that once I found myself in a public argument with a student, even if I "won" the argument, I still lost — by virtue of being baited into engaging in the first place.
As a teacher, I found that the best approach involved stating the facts in a quiet yet determined manner, remaining as dispassionate as possible, & finding some small way to give the student (or, in some cases, the parent) and opportunity to save some amount of face.
I think the same concepts hold true in professional conflicts. State the facts. Remain dispassionate. Give the other party a way to feel like they're contributing to a solution, rather than merely being forced to acquiesce (few folks respond well when backed against the proverbial wall).
Of course, if none of that works, chuck a paperweight at 'em (ideally, one emblazoned with "It's not OCD – it's intense professionalism.") 🙂
Well, that's because plenty of clients still behave like high school sophomores, Hugh. 😉 I won't order the sky-writer yet, but I might consider a t-shirt. ;))
Paula, I'd trade you a few buckets of stoicism for some of the Irish and a dose of German precision. My stoicism is forced via email and the "sticks and stones" way of dealing with emotional fools.
"It's not OCD – it's intense professionalism." Love this!
I'm fortunate that the clients I work with and the people I've hired can all be professional. I'm friends with some and we know how to draw the line so we never take advantage.
If you're emotional — fuming, pouting, etc. to any degree after reading an email — walk away. Do not reply. Cool it before you do.
Lori, I do believe you've coined a new saying. ;o)
There are DEFINITELY times when I've had to sit on an email I've written to someone for 24 hours or so, just to make sure I was keeping things civil. But I'm very careful about my professional demeanor and so far (knock on wood), I haven't had to open up a can on anyone.
Great point. I thinking holding back emotions is so important. That's why I always wait a day before dealing with things that I'm upset about.
Katharine, since it was your OCD, I'll split the royalties with you. 🙂
Meryl, great advice. You ARE fortunate! I've had my share of the fumers and pouters!
Jen, I'd love to see you open the can, just to say I saw it! 🙂
Chantal, one day's not a bad idea. If it can't wait, and usually it can, then run it by someone. I have a husband who is my emotional barometer. I have writer friends who know the territory and will give great advice. A decent back-up plan if it can't wait.
Lori, LOL!!!