What sends fears, chills, and anxiety right into your bones? For me, it’s when a client wants to talk about my project results, but not the same day. It’s not even that they say it’s bad – it’s that they say nothing. That’s when the voices in my head scream “They hate you! You suck!”
I’ve had occasion to have a client screech at me “I hate it! It’s nothing like what I’d asked for!” Those situations, oddly, don’t bother me. Usually the hate turns to love by fixing one or two sentences. Seriously, the more they freak out the less I do. But the nondescript request to talk gets my brain traveling into those places I’d thought I’d buried. You know, those places where I can’t do anything right, where I’m sure I’m a big poser in the writing department, and where I don’t deserve to hold a pen over a birthday card let alone type anything I get paid for. It’s what Lisa Gates calls our harpies – those internal bugs that crawl into our brains right about the time we were feeling pretty good about ourselves.
So how do you extract the doubts from your brain? For me, I try to realize that: I complete a lot of good projects in a month; I can’t hit a home run every time; No one is perfect; I can’t please everyone. Pick any mantra.
Another way to overcome self-doubt – I open up one of my more successful projects and review it. Also, I’ll read thank-you notes from clients, or I’ll give myself a “You’re good at what you do” pep talk. Sometimes it actually works.
How do you tame the beast?
I do the same things, Lori – read over emails and testimonials from happy clients. I also find that no response can sometimes leave room for irrational interpretation on my end.
First of all, the whole 'We need to talk but not today" is nothing more than a manipulative power play. The person saying it knows you're going to worry and fret — that's the whole point. By the time you actually talk, you've worn yourself down emotionally, and the other person has control.
I call back as soon as I get the message and say, "I'm sorry, I'm not available tomorrow. We have to discuss this NOW."
I freelance because I want control of my own work and my own life. I won't be manipulated like that.
I also rarely accept another assignment from a client who pulls that kind of crap.
When the Doubt Demons attack — which they do more often than I'd like — I go back over good reviews or testimonials or whatever a little bit. But, usually, just pushing forward on the next project makes me regain confidence faster than anything else.
It's a scheduling thing sometimes, Devon. I don't necessarily mind the "can we talk later" thing as long as I know I haven't botched it completely. It's my own demons I fight in these cases!
I like it, Kim. Positive reinforcement from happy clients helps keep my brain thinking I'm doing okay.
My favorite thing to do is talk to other people or visit other blogs where people share their bad experiences.
Knowing that I'm not the only one to have gone through something helps me more than testimonials or Thank you's( they certainly help too, but not as much as connecting with other people). Getting out your frustration by sharing your GRRR! moments with someone who will Growl right along with you helps you make it through also.
For me, if someone wants to discuss a project another day, it usually ends up being a minor thing. So, it doesn't really rile me up too much. When they have something bad to say; it's usually done right away with the email they send that says they want to chat about the project.
Since most of the time I deal with my editors via e-mail, whenever I get a voice mail I assume it's something very urgent. Oddly, I don't panic if I answer the call. No time to dwell, I guess.
One over-worked editor always sounds tired, which makes vague "give me a call as soon as you can" messages seem bad. Usually, it turns out she's editing my story and has a question. Sometimes it's to assign something. Yet in the back of my mind I'm always thinking, "Oh no – the magazine is folding."
I've had several of those calls over the years. They're never fun.
Deep down I know that as long as it's not "we're folding," I can find a way to deal with whatever the situation turns out to be.
Hi,
I have a message for the webmaster/admin here at loriwidmer.blogspot.com.
Can I use some of the information from this post right above if I provide a link back to this site?
Thanks,
Harry
Hi Harry,
Send me the info to where it would be posted and I'll consider it. Thanks for asking!