I was listening to a friend lament about a client who is a blamer. Apparently this client, a woman, doesn’t make mistakes, nor does she forget anything. My writer friend knows this because the mistakes and forgetfulness of this client are passed right down the food chain into said writer’s lap. I sympathize. I’ve been there, too.
In a few cases, I’ve had concrete proof that my client was wrong. So I did what any professional would do – I sat on it, sucked it up, and moved on with the project. It doesn’t matter if I take the blame for some minor mishap – a missing paragraph that wasn’t sent, a missing chapter that again, never got sent to me, or even missing edits that are on my side, but not on the client’s side. If the blame inflicted on me is not threatening the project or my status as the writer/editor, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the missing or erroneous info is found and we move on.
That’s because when I mess up, I don’t want anyone making a huge deal out of it. Therefore, I don’t, either. On a more recent project (another third-party one, so no one knows I was the writer), the client passed along word that she knows she’d already sent that information to me. She sent it, but not without the blame. Fine. I get where this woman is probably coming from. In her existence perhaps she has a food chain order and to remain in her spot, she’s got to dodge a lot of political volleys. She’s not unlike a number of corporate clients you and I have, I’m sure. For her, the blame has to be someone else’s in order to survive and save face. For me, it’s no big deal. If push came to shove, I could defend myself. But it won’t because I didn’t push back.
I mention the genders here because I do feel it’s somewhat of a factor. Women in business are prone to needing to prove themselves not only to the men in the company, but also to the other women, who are also trying to prove themselves. Do I think it’s solely a female issue? Hell no. I’ve had men do the same thing, but they do it with much less emotion attached. “You’re wrong – get it right.” Women are more likely to justify themselves. “You’re wrong. I’m right. I did, you didn’t.”
No matter who’s blaming you for what, try to take it in stride. Only those battles large enough to affect your reputation, your work status, or your client’s project should be taken on. Who cares if something that’s easily replaceable got misplaced? It may dent your ego somewhat, but consider your client’s position – bosses, teams, customers all lined up ready to blame your client. Some things are much worse than taking the heat for one minor item in a larger project outcome.
Have you had to bite your tongue? How’d that work for you?
Biting my tongue isn't my strong suit, but I do try to at least tone down my indignation when something like this happens. For instance, last week a client emailed me, quite angrily, wanting to know where his article was. I responded that I'd sent it to him the day before, and asked him to respond so I knew he was getting my emails. Then I forwarded the original email with its attachment.
I try to be diplomatic — "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you wanted such-and-such, since you didn't say anything about that initially," etc. — but biting my tongue is definitely not something I practice on a daily basis. Phrasing it in a diplomatic fashion doesn't seem to hurt me any, either — usually I also say something to keep it moving forward so that we don't get hung up on who is wrong, but I can't just sit back and allow myself to be wrongfully accused of something, either.
I suck it up and just keep it moving when it has happened. Thank goodness it doesn't happen often.
Last December I was working on a nightmare of a project I thought would never end. I started off dealing directly with one guy, but then the co-owner of the business (who happened to be his brother) got involved. He contradicted himself at every turn.
I seethed quietly for the most part, but a couple of times I just HAD to show him his own email and Skype messages proving that I had indeed followed his original instructions. Whew, glad that's over! Lol
Only those battles large enough to affect your reputation, your work status, or your client's project should be taken on.
I've always been a proponent of the "pick yer battles" philosophy, & I think this is a perfect encapsulation of exactly what types of battles one should choose to engage in.
I doubt that any of us are in danger of running out of customers, clients or colleagues who just don't get it — and should we so choose, we can devote our remaining days in what will ultimately prove to be a vain attempt to set 'em all straight.
Instead, I've found that an important aspect of professionalism is knowing when & how to ignore the slights, accept the inevitable ego-denting slings & arrows, and be the proverbial better person.
Not only does this approach save a lot of time & frustration — & may even help one acquire a few extra doses of positive karma — but I believe that it also gives extra weight to the instances when one does take exception with the words or deeds of another (i.e. the issues that threaten one's reputation, work status or project).
Hugh, that was my long way of saying that, wasn't it? LOL I'm not always known for my brevity. 🙂
Katharine, sometimes you just have to speak up. When they're irate is a good time to do so. You done good. I would've done the same. When they're screeching, there's a good chance they're forming a bad opinion of your work ethic. I bet you took just a little pleasure in setting him straight. 😉
Kimberly, isn't it great to have proof? I hate making someone look foolish, but damn. Sometimes they're so intent on making you out to be a dolt that you just can't let it slide.
Lori:
Just to be clear, what I was trying to say is that I prefer your version over the three-word one.
"Pick yer battles" may be well intentioned, but it's meaningless unless you know which ones to pick — as your post indicates, there are some out there who have yet to see (or invent) a battle that they would consider passing by.
By delineating exactly which rings are worth tossing one's hat into (reputation-, employment-, or project-impacting), I think you transformed a vague cliche into real & meaningful advice.
Too much biting your tongue can result in a speech impediment. Man, that should be in a fortune cookie.
I got it, Hugh. And thanks. It's a more meaningful compliment coming from you. I respect your opinion a lot. 🙂
Amie, I'm cracking up! Perfect. You have another market for your work. 😉