The “Do Not Think About” List

What I’m reading: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
What’s on the iPod: Eyes Wide Open by Gotye




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Assateague at sunset

We’re back from our mini-vacation, refreshed and right smack in the middle of the construction zone that used to be our house. It always looks worst right after the demolition, so I know this is just temporary. It will sort out soon, amen. It may be a holiday decorated around paint-stained plywood floors, but so be it. Getting worked up about it serves no purpose and is way too self-defeating.

Over the weekend, we saw some beautiful things — wild ponies, unspoiled beaches, eagles, sika deer, and water birds by the scores. The weather on Saturday was so glorious we were able to ride bicycles from our B&B to Assateague and back. It was an eleven-mile round trip, but we only felt it coming back those last two miles. It was too gorgeous otherwise to even notice.

The food could have improved, but when you show up in November to a summer resort town, you get what happens to be open. It was a small inconvenience because we did find a vegan-friendly take-out place, where we had two terrific meals. That feeling of not worrying the minutiae became our mantra. In fact, sometime yesterday, my husband was talking about something and then said, “I’ve put that on my ‘do not think about’ list. So I’m done with it for now.” I love that. Here’s someone who has tons of pressure on him both at work and at home, and he’s choosing what to expend energy on.

In writing, it’s the same thing. We writers who have been around a while can develop quite easily a jaded attitude. We become preachy, or we get hard-nosed in our attitudes, or worse, we stop listening. The minute we think we possess all the answers, we start to fade into oblivion. Writers will never grow and expand if they’re not willing to drop the know-it-all attitude or switch up their methods for something new.

It’s time for a Do Not Think About List.

Time to free up those minutes and stresses wasted on useless crap. Time to reassess our own attitudes, our approaches, our business practices, our personal prejudices…a list like this can really help a writer clean house.

Here’s what’s going on my list:

People who have done me wrong. It wouldn’t be a terribly long list, but it has happened that some people have intentionally or unintentionally insulted me, hurt me, or tried to hurt my business. If they’re no longer doing so, they go on the list. Why dredge up the same old shit every day?

Rigid, arrogant, or pissy attitudes. If a writer, a client, or a friend is acting like a complete douche, it’s not up to me to correct them, put up with them, or even go along with them. I simply put them on the list and voila! Not my problem anymore.

My own prejudices, attitudes, and arrogance. Who cares if Jane doesn’t do what I do or if Dick is being a dick and not following my advice? My advice has always included the “do what works for you” notion, so I’d be a piss-poor example if I didn’t drop my own arrogance and let people choose their own way to success (or not — I have to remember it’s not my choice and not my career).

Blanket judgments. There are a lot of things that wind me up — writers choosing to work for content mills, writers working for free, clients finding one more way to exploit the newbies and not-so-savvy writing crowd, people not following directions, etc. If I let every single thing bother me, what does that say about me or my own life? I have to learn; if it doesn’t affect me, who am I to say anything? I will help when asked, but I won’t judge people because dammit, I’m not living their lives.

Minor slights that rile me. I’m terrible in traffic. I’ve been known to not let go when someone passes me on the right doing 80, cuts in front of me, or does something so unsafe and stupid as to possibly cause harm. I’ll recount it later, more than once. The result: I sound like a bitter woman on the edge of her own road rage. Time to let it go.

What goes on your Do Not Think About It List?