It’s funny how when one is convalescing, one can quickly adapt to the “sick” feeling as one tries to follow doctor’s orders. Yesterday was lightheadedness, a little fatigue, and lots of “Maybe I should sit down and rest” feelings. But since that bloody phone rings every 20-30 minutes, it wasn’t happening. I turned off most of the ringers, but the loudest one is the wall phone in the study and I couldn’t get behind the printer to pull it out of the wall.
Good thing I didn’t. He called at noon. How was I feeling? Did I want to get out of the house? The answer was a definite yes. Was I up for a baseball game? Huh? His coworker’s mom wasn’t using her tickets and was willing to sell them to us. I weighed the options quickly – baseball, possible fatigue, probable achy throat versus sitting in the “sick cage” one more minute. I opted to live a little.
Top down, we drove to pick up what turned out to be incredible tickets. I looked a sight – a neck scarf tied around my neck, holding my hair down and keeping my bandage covered up. It’s not that horrible, but the scar from surgery is 15-16 stitches and resembles a grin that slid from my face onto my collar bone. I keep it covered, mainly so I don’t gross myself out.
We parked a half mile from the park and walked a nice distance to the game – Phillies and Atlanta Braves. Ooo. Teams in the #1 and #2 spots. Our seats – six rows from the dirt off the first base line, just to the right of the dugout. They were oh-my-lord incredible. I slipped on my jacket (too busy stuffing down Cracker Jack to bother holding it).
Halfway through the game a vendor came by, looked at me apparently looking all bundled up and asked, “What are you going to do when winter comes?” I was tempted to say “Put on a bikini”, but I realized how ridiculous I may have looked. I wasn’t cold – just covering the bandage and too lazy to look after my jacket.
But I missed the chance, didn’t I? Here’s where I could have had a blast with my stitches and big bandage. I had the excuses ready, too.
Bar fight. I can give you the address where you can send condolences to the loser’s family.
Swallowed a pretzel stick sideways. They also found my extra set of car keys and some loose change.
An injury on the set. I was Johnny Depp’s stunt double in the latest Pirates incarnation. Got too close to the pirate with the hook…
Never swallow a sword when you have allergies. One sneeze later….
I guess bear wrestling isn’t my thing after all.
It’s where I keep my credit cards and car keys. Can’t be too careful these days.
I’m telling you, those Macy’s sales can be brutal.
Help me out. Got any more?
9 responses to “Excuses for a Large Scar”
You should have seen me before the facelift surgery.
Whenever we go to the beach there's usually a "scar moment"; my answer is generally a world-weary look and one word: "Sharks".
A couple of good ones. Cathy, your especially cracked me up! I'll have to check back later to see if anyone else has any good ideas.
Me being a vampire nut, I probably would have said, "I'm Team Edward," but I suppose not everyone would get that…
Glad you're feeling well enough to joke about it, Lori. Getting out of the sick cage is a good thing!
I love the bear quip, but Joseph's "Sharks" is succinct and very appropriate for a beach.
I have my own neck scar – almost centered on my neck, just to the left a bit. For the first time ever, I just measured it, it's slightly just over 1.5" long (I thought it was at least 2"). You can see where the actual stitches once were. It's hideous, so you'd think I'd have a quip or two handy. I don't.
I feel for you when it comes to the bandage, Lori. I was a toddler, not even two, but I clearly remember how much I hated that darn bandage. It felt like I was being strangled. It came loose once, and I was so excited, thinking I didn't need it anymore. Nope. Mom slapped a new one on. (In retrospect the discomfort was probably from the stitches more than the bandage.) I was at least 18 before I could wear a turtleneck without flashbacks to that bandage. Now I love turtlenecks because they hide the scar.
Let's see – Halloween is next month, maybe you could say it's phase one of a really intricate mummy costume.
Be sure not to push yourself, because you might not heal as well. Immune system and all that. I'm a worrier!
I can't possibly top the Macy's sale one or the Sharks. But, here's a couple for you anyway.
Maybe you could learn Hypnosis (or NLP, whatever) and see if you can get them convinced that they're the ones with the bandage and stitches or scar.
You could be cheesy and say something like, "Oy, my computer bytes!" They would be so busy rolling their eyes at you that they would forget about the bandage.
In your best redneck voice, tell them that you needed a bigger opening to consume more beer or whatever you happen to drink. If that doesn't work then go with the standby of "If I told you, then I would have to kill ya'."
I, too, am glad you can laugh about it, Lori.
I had to come back and check out what others came up with – all very funny.
I can't believe I didn't think of Halloween-it's my favorite holiday!
Keep on smiling, Lori-it hurts less than laughing.
Lori, great to see your spirits are up and thanks for making us laugh when we should be entertaining you.
The magician oopsied.
LOVE these! You guys are terrific.