Writers Worth: Controlling Both Sides of Fear

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One of the first people I met in this writing gig, both online and in person, was Devon Ellington. And I felt like I’d met a long-time friend. She’s a smart, cool person with a varied background that is almost as intriguing as her fiction writing. She’s also refreshingly blunt. She may not remember this, but she and I held an all-day webinar once, and someone neither of us knew very well wrote to me with tons of “helpful” advice and a lot of probing questions.

Her response still reduces me to fits of laughter: “Who is that? Tell them to f- off.”

Right there, she won me over for life. Why? Because someone was pushing their opinions — someone we weren’t even that acquainted with — and Devon didn’t get upset. She just stated fact — their opinion isn’t needed at this time.

Okay, maybe not exactly like that. Actually, her way was better.

Another reason she’s great is because Devon is a true working writer. Her blogs, Ink in My Coffee, and my personal favorite, Fearless Ink, reveal a writer who knows her craft.

It also shows someone who is eager to share what she knows and help others.

That doesn’t translate into helping someone who’s waiting for a hand-out. And it certainly doesn’t turn into helping someone who is demanding it and being nasty about it. It translates into helping writers who are honestly willing to put the work into being successful.

She’s a wonderful cheerleader and a terrific friend. But she’s not your mother. She is someone who gets done in one day as much as it would take most writers to do in a month. And she does it flawlessly and with class and professionalism.

And I adore her because she’s just fun to be around.

Devon is also someone who runs from fear. If anything, she takes it and turns it into her best weapon.

So, listen up. You’re about to see how a pro writer uses fear to her advantage.

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The Janus Head of Fear

by Devon Ellington

Fear makes me think of the Roman god Janus, for whom January is named. He’s a two-headed god, looking to the past and future. Like Janus, fear has two faces.

Fear can keep you alive, if you listen to it and use it properly. It can be the catalyst for positive change, rather than a paralytic that prevents living one’s life.

The refusal to feel any sort of discomfort is part of why we, as a society, are in a mess. The second something is uncomfortable, instead of dealing with it, we turn away or take or do something to cover it. We employ avoidance mechanisms instead of coping mechanisms.

The primal part of us, deep inside, will use fear to tell us when we are in actual danger. When we listen to that, when we figure out where that danger comes from, we can deal with it. If all we do is avoid it, it will circle around and never let us go.

That doesn’t mean to jump off a building if you’re afraid of heights and going splat on the pavement. But it means looking beneath the surface. You find the root of the fear, the cause of the fear. And then you deal with it. You cope.

How is this relevant to freelancing?

As freelancers, we’ve faced one of the biggest fears in the business: the fear we can’t survive outside of a corporate environment. Freelancers already understand — and cope with — the transitional nature of, well, everything. Seasons have cycles. Business has cycles. Life has cycles.

The sad truth is, there’s little loyalty in the corporate world, and less every day. There is no security there, and one is just as likely to be tossed into the street with nothing from a corporate job as anywhere else. But fear keeps many workers there.

How many of us are in situations where, when we state what we do, the person asking says, “Oh, I always wanted to write a book. But I don’t have time.”

As freelancers, we know that’s crap. There’s no such thing as “having” time. We all HAVE the same twenty-four hours. It’s how we choose to use them that define us.

Someone who doesn’t “have” time to write doesn’t want it enough. Nothing wrong with that, I’ve lost patience with those who expect me to be so thrilled by their lack of time management that I’m going to write their books for them for free because they’re convinced they’re so fascinating, it will be a bestseller and they’ll get rich (and maybe throw me a few pennies for which I should be grateful). They’re not that interesting, it won’t ever be published, and I ghostwrite or co-author on contract and advance, not maybe-someday money.

The other reason people don’t “have” time to write is because they’re afraid to write. They’re afraid that they can’t do it well, and aren’t willing to put in the time to learn the craft. They sneer with contempt that it’s “not real work” or “how hard can it be?” Yet, if they sit down and it doesn’t flow in the first five minutes, they give up. Or they don’t try, or they try to goad/bully/manipulate someone else into taking the risk for them.

A rare few will ask us questions, listen to the answers, and maybe take a class here and there to see if maybe they do want to write a book after all. Those are the ones worth our time.  They don’t expect us to do the work for them and be grateful. They understand that we are willing to help a colleague on the path, as long as they do their part in the process and put in the work.

People ruled by fear tend to be either passive or aggressive. The passive hope that if they don’t do anything, if they pass on the actions to others, they will be safe. That’s not true. The aggressive fear if they don’t strike first, they will be attacked. That’s not necessarily true, either.

How does one deal with fear?

Find the source. Something specific causes the fear.  Don’t turn away from the discomfort. Dig. Find the root. Find the cause. Face the pain. Get help in the discovery process if you need it. Once you know the source, you can decide the best course of action, and the next step.

Accept change. Everything changes. Since the Industrial Revolution, the pace has increased exponentially. It’s increasing even faster as technology advances.

Make informed decisions. Get as much information as you can about the fear and the options to counter the fear. In some cases, fear is a challenge, an opportunity to grow. In other cases, it is a warning, guiding you away from harmful choices. Know the difference. Trust your gut.

Realize you’re not trapped. Because everything changes and change accelerates, you get to make more decisions. You get to correct course, re-evaluate, choose new paths when you need to. You may not be able to make the change in the moment you decide you need it, but you can plan and make incremental changes until you get where you need to go. I try to re-evaluate where I am and where I want to be every few months, on both personal and professional levels. I’m still implementing the changes I decided to make last spring, but I am starting to see positive results. Yes, the thought of those changes provoked fear. I knew I was taking risks. But I trusted my gut that they were the right choices for me at this stage of my life. Is every day glorious? Of course not. But I trust my track more now.

Take time for quiet. There are professional fear-mongers out there. They are well paid. If one can keep a population in fear, uneducated, and underfed (both emotionally and physically), one controls them. Don’t let the fear mongers control you. Get out of the idea of “guilty pleasures.” Pleasure is pleasure, and you’ve earned it. Give yourself time to disconnect. Remove toxic people from your life, even if they’re related to you. Try new things, find new joys. Try small things out of your comfort zone, and you’ll build up to bigger risks with more positive potential.

Let fear teach instead of destroy.  Fear can teach you about yourself, your inner life, your needs, your joys, when you know something is inherently wrong. Instead of standing there on the tracks letting the Fear Locomotive run you over, step off the rails. Let it pass. Like Janus, look in one direction to see where it originated; look in the other to see where it’s headed. Then make informed decisions.

Fear is not a pleasant emotion, but it’s a necessary one. Learn to use it, rather than be used by it.

Devon Ellington publishes under half a dozen names in fiction and non-fiction, and is an internationally produced theatre, film, and radio writer. Her websites are www.devonellingtonwork.com (fiction and writing), http://fearlessink.com (business and article writing) and a blog on the writing life, Ink in My Coffee, https://devonellington.wordpress.com.

Writers, how have you used fear to improve your business?