Writers Worth: This Job Not That Job

The title of this post should be This Job and Definitely NOT That Job.

Thanks to this post over at Filthy Dreams blog, I think the world has landed on what is possibly the worst job on the planet. I mean, everything I’ve ever shared her could not possibly touch the level of bad this one is.

I will give this caveat: This is not a writing job. Well, not unless you count drafting thank-you notes and correspondence.

Please do read Emily Colucci’s post. But first, start here with the job description. in PDF form courtesy of Emily’s blog. Really. You have to read this.

Let me just summarize some of it:

High profile art world family is seeking a full-time Executive/Personal Assistant who is extremely detail-oriented, has excellent communication skills, and possesses a professional demeanor with a high level of discretion. Must have the ability to seamlessly juggle multiple priorities in a dynamic, unstructured environment and possess flexibility to change course at a moment’s notice. The ideal candidate must be dedicated to a simple goal: make life easier for the couple in every way possible.

Oh, that dedication. You’re going to need it. Here’s a really short list of the long, long requirements by the “high profile art world family”:

• Manage all calendars and appointments, including restaurant reservations, RSVPs, and daily schedules/rundowns/reminders.
• Be the go-to person for the staff and all contractors. You’re gonna make sure everything is done, the plants are watered, the garden is tended, and hey, while you’re at it, you better not forget to drop off the dry cleaning and go to “high end” stores and shop for the family. Oh, and grab the groceries on the way home, would you?
• Be the IT manager, travel packer, closet system coordinator, library organizer, studio event coordinator, doctor appointment maker, social media specialist, PowerPoint creator, call center, party coordinator, oh, and since you’re not doing anything, how about you help set up/tear down any studio activities?
• Act as travel agent, visa and passport concierge and coordinator for the family and members of their circle they deem necessary; Oh, and you’re going to go on trips with them and provide both secretarial/booking agent-type support as well as childcare
• Oh, the childcare. Yep, you are to be around the young child and hey, you’re probably going to be asked to babysit when the nanny isn’t working. Get over it.
• Let’s not forget dog care. You are to “manage dog systems” — feed, walk, do the potty breaks/cleanup, vet appointments and hey, while you’re at it, you can help with the studio cats. Because you’re not doing anything useful.
• You will be expected to be at work between 10 am and 6 pm. However, don’t think your workday ends there, no no. You have to answer messages and take care of work before and after work. Also, work during weekends is not off the table.
• You get a two-week “built in” vacation (which is probably your cue to refer to the travel duties).

Remember, that’s the shortened version.

The salary: $65K-95K yearly.

Not that you’re dying to jump on this position, but the job — let’s just say “jobs” because this is like six positions in one — is in New York City. Try living there for that amount of money. Wait. Never mind. You have no time to live. You’ll be answering emails in your sleep.

But remember, your ultimate goal is to make life easier for the couple. Your comfort with the pay, the work beyond full time, or the tons of things you’ll do before being told you’re failing at your job? Doesn’t matter. Their comfort matters. Yours is the sacrifice you make to make their lives a breeze.

How about you make your own life a breeze? You can do so by trying this job instead:

Writer/Editor, Columbia University

Reporting to the Associate Director of Communications, the Writer/Editor will be part of the strategic communications team for the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. The Writer/Editor will be responsible for researching, reporting, and writing stories around school priorities, encompassing publications, the school’s website and social media presences, and advertising. The Writer/Editor will work with the Associate Director of Communications to develop and execute a communications plan that promotes wider recognition and awareness of GSAS audiences, including current students, alumni, faculty, staff, and the general public…..

Salary range: $75K-95K

Yes, the salary range is about the same. What isn’t the same: the requirements. Note that you’d be writing and editing. No babysitting. No pooper scooper.

Even if you have to share an apartment, already your life is looking up.

This is another case of job posters requiring more out of a person that is humanly possible and compensating the employee for much, much less than the job entails.

Writers, what stood out to you?
When vetting a job listing or offer, how to you spot the red flags?