Dear Freelancer: It’s Not All About You

Dear Freelancer,

You may not know me, but I know you. You were the one who showed up on social media with one goal in mind: to get some clients.

It’s a good goal. It’s why most of us head to social media. But what happened next, well, that wasn’t so good.

I saw you with that tweet — the one that kept repeating every week or so. “Hire me!” You were trying, I’ll give you that. But here’s something that you may not realize:

You got in your own way.

That tweet had the wrong hashtag, so instead of going in front of a group of people who might actually hire you, it went to fellow freelancers. Most of us can’t hire you. And honestly, as much as we like helping a fellow freelancer, those repetitive tweets sounded just a touch too desperate.

So you resorted to another form of social media. You joined a group. In that group, however, your actions spoke volumes about why you might not be hanging on to clients. It has nothing to do with your abilities, either.

It has to do with your attitude. You disagreed with someone. It happens. We don’t always hold the same views. Weird if we did, right? But instead of saying “Here’s why I disagree” you decided to make it personal. You pushed. You argued. You got heated. Yea, I get passionate with my opinions too, but then you did it —

You stepped over the line. You started mocking the very thing you were disagreeing over. Your comments — snide at best. Worse, you’d gone back and edited your comment, so there was no mistake you weren’t simply slipping up. When people called you on it, you went away in a huff.

Wondering yet why you’re not being hired or retained? Then let me give you some advice.

[bctt tweet=”#Freelancing works best when you realize you’re in a partnership.” username=”LoriWidmer”]

When there’s a rule you don’t like, especially one coming from a client, it’s okay to question it. It’s also quite okay to disagree and say so. It’s okay to decide not to work with that client because of it. I have a few times.

What isn’t okay is the parting shot — that lovely little hissy fit you throw as you’re telling them where to stuff their project. See, if you’re specializing in any industry, you may not realize it yet, but these clients talk to each other. They see each other at trade events and sometimes they partner with each other. So when one of them asks if the other knows a good writer, you probably don’t want the answer to be “Whatever you do, avoid this one. She’s a bit impossible.”

It happens, too. Funny how many times I’ve heard that about writing colleagues. But even as you’re being discussed in unfavorable terms, I’m doing my best to remain outside of the maelstrom you’ve created. I won’t disagree with them, but I won’t comment, either. Instead, I’ll tell them how I might help them. That’s what professionals do.

Here are some things about relationships that you may need to know:

• Showing your value is much more effective than asking for work from strangers (meaning you’re also a stranger — to them)
• Not liking the rules is one thing — getting heated and argumentative means you’re definitely not getting your way (or that gig)
• Disagreeing can actually be done with tact, consideration, and professional behavior (really, it can)
• Sniping shows immaturity, and it doesn’t speak well for your ability to work well with others

I know this is a lot to digest, but know this: There are plenty of writers out there doing it wrong every day. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all had shitty clients, shitty gigs, shitty pay, shitty rules to follow. But how we handled those situations made the difference between getting more work or simply burning bridges out of principle.

So you see, it really isn’t all about you. It’s about the relationships you build with your clients, your network, your writing colleagues. It’s about learning to let go of your anger or your ingrained habits. It’s about learning from others. It’s about building something worth having, not arguing about how to make the bricks.

Sincerely,

Your Writing Community