Marketing Monday (on a Tuesday): No More Weasels

What I’m listening to: Get Out by Frightened Rabbit

Okay, okay. So it’s Tuesday and I’m giving you a Marketing Monday post. Sue me.

We had a long weekend (started on Thursday), and it meant a lot of driving, most of it done by me. When I got back last night, there was no way I was writing a post. I barely remembered to change my email away message.

So today, you get your weekly dose of marketing advice. I promise to make it worth the wait.

Today’s Marketing Move:

Use words to your advantage.

You’re probably thinking Well duh, Lori. We’re writers. Words are what we excel at.

Except when it comes to marketing ourselves.

That’s when we really suck at words.

When we write for clients, it’s easy. The job, the focus, is all about the best way to promote their businesses or products. We do it because it’s not personal. It’s more of a connection and we’re aiming to please. Hell, we get paid if we please, so there’s some skin in it for us.

But promoting ourselves? That’s when the weasel words come out.

Weasel words. That’s a term for those words that mean nothing. You know, when you write something and you’re just filling space.

Here’s an example of a writer who couldn’t shove any more weasel words into an introduction:

Dear Editor,

I am writing today to express my interest in the position you’ve posted on Writers Who Need Work. It could be that I’m a perfect fit.

I would say that my background mirrors your company’s needs, and I’m often told I should be pursuing jobs that require just the criteria you’ve laid out. I’m pretty sure you’ll agree once you see my portfolio that I’m pretty darned talented. I could possibly be the best fit you’ll see all day.

That being said, I’ll let my samples speak for me. Well, I’m sure you’re very busy, so thank you, and I’m very excited to talk with you. Please call me at your convenience.

Let’s look at why that sucks:

• Of course you’re writing today. You’re not writing tomorrow, are you? And you’re not writing yesterday because that would be damn hard.
• Express my interest — uh, why else would you be writing? To wish them happy birthday? To ask them the weather report for the week?
• It could be you aren’t a perfect fit, too. And you can write better sentences. Really.
• I would say you enjoy the sound of your own voice or you’re enamored with the sound of the keys clacking on your keyboard.
• I’m often told that bragging about what your mother tells you is immature. Even if it is just what they’re asking for.
• I’m pretty sure you don’t need the word “pretty” to make your point.
• I could possibly scream if you use one more useless phrase in place of actual communication.
• I’m sure you’re very obvious in what you’re doing. You’re very transparent and your excitement doesn’t even register.
• If they call at your convenience, you’ll be damn lucky.

Did it help to see the weasel words?

Here’s a better way:

Dear Mr. Brown:

You’re looking for a writer with experience in trade photography writing. I have written for over 30 clients in the photography industry. Do we have a match?

My background includes writing web content, corporate communications pieces, catalog descriptions, research and case study papers, and trade magazine articles on topics such as darkroom technology, lighting, digital equipment, and paper quality and innovation. Please see samples of my work at the URLs listed below.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Better. Not ideal as there is no real personality in it, but much better than assuring someone you’re good for the job.

So, avoiding weasel words means:

• No assurances: Who cares what you’ve been told? You have to show, not tell.
• No breezy message that doesn’t get to the point.
• No “pretty” or “very” anything. Those words don’t exist for a serious writer.
• No stock lines that you think have to go in your communication. Instead, try getting to the point. And sign of cordially and without additional flourish. It’s rarely needed. If you must sign of with some type of invitation, try something like “I would enjoy talking with you directly. What day and time would work for you?” It’s so much more effective than the old “please call me at your convenience. I mean, do you really think they’ll call when it’s inconvenient?

What should we put in place of the weasel words? Try these:

• Personality: Show them who you are. “For 10 years, I’ve written extensively in the photography industry, having taken an interest years ago after being gifted my first SLR. Several Flickr accounts later, I began working professionally, with my first trade article appearing in…”
• Results: “My clients have trusted me to create their sales letters, which has increased their sales results by 10 percent.”
• Call to action: “Would you like to talk next week via phone? I have Thursday afternoon open.” If it’s a brochure, leave plenty of breadcrumbs — phone number, email, Twitter handle, Facebook page..

If you can’t write for yourself, pretend you’re writing it for your client, who happens to have the same background you do. Or hey, hire a writer friend to write it for you. Just don’t resort to weasel words and weak sentences. No one hires writers who can’t come up with something more clever.

Writers, what are the weasel words you hate the most? 
What weasel words have you seen in your own writing, and how did you exorcise them?