Oh, if I had a nickel for every time a new or somewhat-lost writer chastised me for not helping more…. well, I wouldn’t even have a nickel. I’ve been fortunate. I’ve yet to come across new, lost, tired, burned out, or otherwise unmotivated writers who think I owe them not just advice, but hand holding to the point of telling them “First you do this. Then you do this. After that, you do…”
But some experienced writers get lambasted with complaints. These aren’t complaints like “The editors are all fools! What do I do?” These complaints are more like “You OWE it to me to help me!” Devon can attest to this – she’s been hit with the righteous indignation of the clueless plenty of times.
This week, our Irreverent Freelancer also got a “Sorry, but you’re not helping me at all” response to a post in which she defended her stand on a particular issue. The comment Kathy left was “I disagree with you on these points.” The response was akin to “You’re not telling me where to go for work.” Complete disconnect in thoughts there.
First of all, if someone here says “You’re not helping me”, then A) they’re not reading, because this site is loaded with advice, and B) based on the amount of help expected, they should get out the checkbook ’cause I gotta eat too, and C) they’d have a right to bitch a little IF I weren’t helping because this site is a “help” site of sorts. I’ve framed it as a resource. But to bitch to others whose sites are not framed that way? Huh?
In Kathy’s poster’s case, it’s frustration. The “Where do I go from here?” dilemma is pretty common. Hitting your head against the same low-paying job walls is made tougher by not knowing where to look. Sure, the poster could’ve framed it better, like, “Where can I go for help with that?” Tact is an essential part of freelancing, too.
So, freelancers who want to know where to look, here’s a little help per your request:
Blogs that specialize in helping. Just because it says “writing” or “writer” on it doesn’t mean it’s a blog designed to help. Most writers are helpful, but when they are posting about the work they’ve accomplished or some project upset and someone changes the flow of conversation to center on themselves, such as “How can I find work/where do I start?”, that’s a bit selfish and disruptive. Look for blogs offering advice. You’ll see it if you’re looking. And before you ask the general question “Where do I start?” (and please, DON’T ask that question), try reading those blog posts first.
Writer forums. Plenty of free help is waiting for you, and lots of already-posted free advice. Writer forums allow you to interact more easily and help you integrate into the writing community that much faster. Not all bloggers have the time to respond to every post (though I think it’s a great idea that builds community).
Writing coaches. If you want to tell someone they owe it to you to help, pay them. And frankly, only then does anyone owe you anything. Writing coaches are great resources for helping you in your specific niche or with an ongoing issue.
Search engine queries. Why does no one think to use the Internet to find help or work? Sure, we race to the job listings sites, but why not race to the search engines? Not only can you find work, you can find answers to nearly any freelance question you have (except the broad, really lazy “Where do I start?” question – can you tell I really detest that one?).
Social networking. Just yesterday I received a letter of introduction from a potential new client via a social networking site. I was recommended by someone whose name I didn’t recognize, but who knew of me from that particular site. Why aren’t you participating in the easiest marketing you’ll ever do?
Yourself. Oh, you’re not going to like this one. If you expect to be successful at writing, you have to put your own time into it, not just someone else’s time. Start with finding those basic answers yourself. Read books, browse the Internet, list areas of writing you’re interested in, research how-to articles (how to write white papers, how to write press releases, etc.), and take time to learn how to approach freelancing. Try things, make mistakes, dust off, try again.
Writers, have you been told off for not helping? Where do you find answers? What’s the best question you ever received? Worst?
21 responses to “Freelancers: Why We Don’t Owe You All That”
As you mentioned, I get it all the time. The "you owe me because you're published and I'm not" mentally, everything from people demanding that I walk them into my editors to acting as an agent for them. No.
Do you own damned work.
It happens a lot on forums — I hardly ever go to most "writing forums" any more, because experienced, working writers are writing and making a living, not hanging out on the sites anymore. It's about 98% newbies, who ask the same questions over and over and REFUSE to check the archives, where these questions have been answered, in detail, before.
It was particularly bad on one forum, where the moderator would say, "Oh, Devon can answer this, she's full time" and I'd say, "Look in the archives, I've answered this in detail more than once" and the poster would say, "I don't have time to look it up. just post it again."
Um, no. Do your own damn work. Re-doing work on my part uses time I could be using as billable hours. Bite me.
My choices were to get really snarky or leave, so I left.
Or those who argue, when your advice doesn't simply tell them they're great and all editors are morons, when you point out structure and factual and logistical errors.
If you ask for advice from someone with more experience and credits than you have, simply say "thank you". DON'T ARGUE. You don't have to use it or act on it — you can file it away and do whatever the hell you want. But don't be a rude ingrate.
Because, dollars to doughnuts, if you survive the next few years in this business, you'll realize the advice was correct and you should have taken it in the first place.
Whether you choose to use it or not, at least be professional and courteous, say "thank you" and move on without arguing.
Devon's comment, about the writing forums and how newbies come in with the same questions, reminded of something. I was on a forum awhile back and a newbie posted “I want to be a writer. How do I get started?” Someone came in and responded by saying something like, “This question has been answered before. Do a search and then come back with a more specific question.”
The newbie comes back and says something like, “I did a search. I spent DAYS looking through hundreds of posts for this. It's not there.” The person that responded before, came back. This time, she said, “I'm sorry that you spent all that time looking for it. If you go the topic main page, you will see at the top, there's a sticky post. That post is titled, -I want to be a writer. How do I get started?
Notice the sticky title is exactly word for word to the question the newbie had asked. I don't believe the person spent DAYS searching. I can see overlooking it, at first, but come on. Really?
The sense of entitlement of people is astounding to me. When I was getting started, as I've mentioned before, I did ask the dreded "where do I start?" question, but it wasn't the question I really meant, so I have a little sympathy there. But to expect other people to help you when you aren't willing to help yourself is ridiculous and lazy. Worse, the belief that someone OWES someone else anything, whether that be writing or any other type of job. The only people I know who are willing to work their butts off so someone else's life can be easier is a parent for a child – and it's not always true in that case. So, if you expect a stranger to lead you by the hand to success, well, you're going to have a long wait ahead of you.
And Devon, you're exactly right with the comment about saying thanks. I have had much advice from friends over the years on a variety of topics, and no matter whether I agreed or took the advice, I *always* say thanks for listening, giving advice, helping, etc.
I really could write about this all day. The expectations people have and lack of gratitude is really amazing and saddening.
BTW, thanks, Lori, for listening and letting me vent in the past. I think I've said it before, but I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate you (and Devon, Wendy, Paula, and the other regular commenters on this blog)
Wow, wow, wow. Talk about selfish and entitled!
My thought is that if you can't figure out how to start in this business, you're not much of a researcher or very hard working–two qualities that are critical to successful writers.
And then to criticize those who have succeeded because they won't hold your hands? Unprofessional–another impediment to success in this bidness.
At least we know these people won't be competition for us, huh?
All I can say is wow.
There's not much in life that puts me at a loss for words, but this commenter shocked me into silence (not for long fortunately!). Not only did she expect me to be helpful when my blog is clear about its intent, but she wanted me to tell her exactly where to go for better opportunities and who to call. Seriously?! Should I just hand over the names, email addresses and phone numbers on the client list I've spent ten years building? I worked my butt off to call myself a full-time freelancer. Anyone else who isn't willing to do that should just give up right now and take on a regular job where they put in their eight hours and call it a day. Because if they're expecting to be coddled, handheld, and patted on the back and told to run along when 5:00 rolls around, they'll never make it in this business.
I'm sure this commenter thinks I'm a royal biatch, which I guess I am, but I'm not opposed to helping someone out. It's the approach that determines my response. I've heard tell of the entitlement generation. I think I just got my first taste of what that moniker truly means.
I meant "dreaded"
And I call myself a writer … 🙂
Devon, you've seen more than your share of the pseudo-entitled giving you hell for not hand-holding. It's so odd because you're one of the most helpful folks I know.
And you're right – the advice only works if you listen to it. What astounds me is giving clear advice that someone asked for only to have them ignore it completely. Their choice, but there's no blame placed here if they don't get anywhere.
Wendy, thanks for the laugh. 🙂 That's hilarious! I've overlooked things myself, but that seems to hard to miss!
Ashley, it's not the asking of the question, but the expectation that we'll come back with all the answers that bugs me. I know it's tough to know what to ask and that question seems easiest to formulate. You were smart – you came back with specifics and damn, they were good ones! I can't wait to see you kicking freelance butt, girl. 🙂
Gabriella, you said exactly what I've been thinking. How can you ever think to write if you can't do preliminary research? To this day I'm shocked by how many writers (professional and otherwise) say "How do I find this?" – and it's usually something I find in seconds on a simple search. I continue to shake my head.
Kathy, thanks for pointing out that post to me in the first place. It makes for a great discussion! You're right – the way you were asked for help (no, expected to help) was rough. Worse, the answers she's looking for are all around her. They're just not on your blog because that's not your platform.
If someone asks for my help in a NICE way, I'm going to bend over backwards to give it. If, however, someone comes to me chastising me for not helping fast enough or far enough, I'm going to lose that email instantly. No one likes to be bullied, especially when you're helping for free.
If that poster comes here on your advice, she's welcome to ask away. She's not welcome to get pissy with everyone who's trying to help. I think we may have seen her at a meltdown point, but time will tell. 🙂
Ashley, I thought you'd coined a new phrase. 🙂
Geez, I guess I'll consider myself lucky that I've not experienced the "righteous indignation of the clueless" (a phrase that wins the Internets for the day, by the way) firsthand.
Gabriella captures my thought exactly, which is that such folks aren't going to survive for long. If that's how they treat someone who's trying to help them, can you imagine how they'd react to a challenging client who's not satisfied with their work product? Oy.
Jake, I'm fortunate that everyone I've come across has been great. I'm glad I've not had someone treat me like that, either.
Gabriella did say it best, didn't she?
Isn't there a Freelancing Magical Wand that will bring clients to you out of thin air? Did I not see something like that on the shopping channel? Just imagine, with a flick of the wrist, you can conjure up high-paying clients without doing any work to get it.
Then again, I think people must be using it to bang others on the head for client information, so they can apply there too. I'm sure clients will love you for handing out the contact info. that they trusted you with. Not to mention, the loveliness involved when the other writer doesn't hand in quality work. You recommended them, after all.
That's probably what bugs me the most-expecting you to hand over names and numbers of clients that YOU worked hard to find and get work from.
The other thing is when they keep asking the same question over and over, expecting you to change your answer to what they want to hear, just because they've worn you down.
The thing is, there are some really great newbies out there that do the work and ask unique, intelligent questions. Those, I welcome.
The rest — like Irreverent said, why should any of us hand over a client list we've spent years building — especially if it's to someone we don't even really know?
Lori, I think I get a lot of these types because I teach a lot. And, unfortunately, nowadays, too many students believe that paying a class fee means that they're paying the teacher to be their agent. I'm very clear in my specs and my "Welcome Message" and my syllabus that that's not what's going on in my class — 95% of the entitled say, "Oh, I didn't bother to read any of that. Who's your agent again, and when can you get me an an appointment?"
I have a bit of a rant on today's encounter in tomorrow's blog post.
I do put myself in the position of offering advice, since I've had a website of resources for 15 years and a social network – of sorts, sometimes it's more of an anti-social network. But that also gives me license to say, "You suck as writer, you know? Quit!" I firmly believe that the role of audience is important, and I make no qualms about telling the Wood Bees that they need to walk away from the keyboard and nobody will get hurt … go read something instead.
Yeah, call it self serving but my ebook tells you exactly what to do if you want to start freelancing for businesses. The free sales page alone is a sincere resource.
This ain't a list of ready-to-go big-paying assignments. It tells you exactly what to do to get assignments.
I call the process telephoning. Google calls it cold calling.
Whatever you call it, it works. And it is not sleezy or unpleasant if you do it right.
Diana
oh yes, with websites dealing with writing for over a decade I've had my share… I've developed an almost standard response:
Thanks for your inquiry. "I charge $125 an hour to coach with a 3 hour minimum – would you prefer to pay via Paypal or a check?"
I've had one person pay 😉 The rest are off harassing someone else.
Anne, that is CLASSIC! Thanks for the laugh on a day that sorely needed it 🙂
Wow, Anne, fantastic answer! And I bet they got some awesome advice! Your blog alone has excellent tips … can't imagine having you as a personal coach 🙂
Devon, I can't wait to read it!
Joseph, may I adopt you? Seriously, the "You suck as a writer, you know. Quit!" is just hilarious! I don't know that I could tell someone that, but I would suggest to the less "adept" ones that they take basic writing and grammar courses. I have. I'm sure I've insulted, but they did ask.
Diana, good point. You can build a career in some very creative ways, and some ways that are just plain easy and smart.
Anne, I'd hire you in a heartbeat. 🙂 Sounds to me like you've had one smart person who valued the career enough to get appropriate help. Good for that person!
Ashley, she WOULD be – heck, she IS fantastic. 🙂
Kathy and I chatted a bit about this yesterday. I had a similar but flip-flopped encounter yesterday — I actually offered someone free advice, which they responded to by asking me to work for free, too. Ummmmmno.
I have several posts on my blog blasting Freelance Work Exchange and GoFreelance.com, so I often get people commenting or writing to me, asking where they can get real leads. It never ceases to amaze me. How do you NOT know how to find online job boards, at the very least, in this day and age? Craigslist might not be your best source for jobs, but still, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know about it.
Hi Katharine! That's one weird offer – so they wanted you to just give away what they were asking you how to do better pay-wise for. Absurd!
I get that sometimes starting out people don't know. What astounds me is the number of people who take advice and then won't act on it.
I agree – finding the job boards isn't tough. There's more to it, but if a writer can't manage the simple job board search, there's a much more serious issue.
Lori – exactly!
The missing links in life are mindset and perseverance. In my life, I have seen that the people only succeed who believe that they can do it and realize that the journey is going to be really difficult but achievable. There is no room for spoon feeding at all.