Writers Worth: Using Yes to Combat Fear

Let me tell you how many ways I love Anne Wayman.

She was one of the first freelance writers I knew who was actually helping other writers. Sure, I’d met plenty of friendly, helpful people on newsgroups (remember those?), but no one was running a website for the express purpose of helping other writers. At the time, Anne was the moderator of About.com’s Freelance Writing page, so yes, technically it was her job.

But you see, she did it well. She grew an audience, established connections and damn if she didn’t build a really nice community. When the About.com wizards lost their minds and replaced her, Anne did what few would do —

She started a blog and her community followed.

Since then, Anne’s been running the About Freelance Writing website and forum. She’s also coaching now. I can tell you from personal experience that Anne’s found her calling in coaching. Fierce writer meets life coach — what a great mix. And she cares. She genuinely cares. That kind of kindness is something that’s infectious.

Anne is also one of my dearest friends. And I’ve never met her. That’s who she is — she loves you even from a distance. She becomes that integral part of your life without you even realizing it. And then one day, you realize it. And you’re pretty damned glad she’s in your orbit — or rather that you’re in hers. Anne, you see, is what I call a catnip person. Good luck not being drawn to her energy.

The best part of Anne is her honesty. So when I asked her if she’d write a guest post on fear, I knew whatever she gave me would be honest. She delivered.

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Moving Through Fear by Saying Yes!

By Anne Wayman

I don’t know a single writer, new, experienced, highly successful, or somewhere in the middle who doesn’t experience some fear around their writing.  It may be a fear that the writing isn’t good enough or that no one will buy it, or that someone will buy it but never publish it. Whatever fear pops up it tends to stop or at least slow us way down.

I was driven by fear

Let me tell you about me. The family story is that I started talking about becoming a writer in 6^th grade. What I remember is being afraid to walk into a bookstore (remember those?) where I was known and buy a book or a magazine about writing. I was scared half to death that someone would discover my desire to become a writer and laugh at me. Hindsight tells me that my efforts to find and read these in spite of my fear was the beginning of my saying ‘yes’ to writing.

Later, when I was first married I finally asked my husband’s approval (!) to take a distance learning class in writing. He agreed and I worked hard on my first assignment. When it was mailed back to me – distance learning was done by snail mail in those days – I’d gotten a B- on my first work. I was pleased, but my husband insisted I could have done better. I let his opinion quash any further effort until I had the courage to leave the marriage – another story. But even though I let fear stop me in terms of the class I kept buying Writer’s Market, both the magazine and the annual and sneaking them into the house.

A few years later, no longer married, I went to work for my father in his real estate office. We dealt in land and orchards of avocados, lemons, and limes more than houses. Before long I was not only writing sales letters, but I was writing a newspaper column/infomercial under his byline and all the other advertising we did as well.  I think of this period as solid training because we tracked the results of every ad so I was getting good feedback. Probably because my name wasn’t on any of this writing I wasn’t afraid to do it – I just wrote it. And no, I wasn’t getting paid.

My first big ‘yes’

I got sober and started to take my writing seriously. Following the instructions in Writer’s Market I prepared two articles – one for Family Circle and another for Women’s Day. Back then preparation included typing and retyping the manuscript until it was perfect, enclosing an SASE or Self Addressed Stamped Envelope and sending it by snail mail to the target publications. I found I couldn’t, simply couldn’t put those large envelopes in the mailbox in front of my home. I thought the postman (yes, it was a guy) might think I was trying to be a writer and I would be mortified.

However I really wanted to make the two submissions. So I got in the car, and shaking drove first to the nearest USPS drop box several blocks away. I couldn’t do it. Even though I could see no one who might see me, it was simply too close to home. I decided I would drive until I either ran out of gas or got far enough away from home so I felt safe to mail the darn submissions. I even understood I was being ridiculous – that the fear was totally running me. I didn’t know how to stop feeling that way so I drove.

I drove east, toward Vista from my home in South Oceanside, California. I knew where the post office was. According to Google today, that’s just over 8 miles, but it wasn’t freeway back then. More like a true blue highway. I’ve always felt I drove at least 200 miles. I’m guessing back then it was closer to 12 or 15 miles, and probably took 20 minutes.

I parked across the street from the post office, and watching everyone before I carefully approached the drop box there. Of course, just as I pulled the flap open on the box I did spot someone I knew headed straight toward me! I managed to get both enveloped mailed before my acquaintance reached me and asked what I was doing in his town – or something. I had no idea what he said and was so relieved when he moved on.

I don’t really remember the drive home. Two or three weeks later both SASEs arrived, each with a pre-printed rejection. I wasn’t surprised and I wasn’t crushed. Somehow I recognized I’d done something important and posted both rejection slips on my bedroom wall. I was rightly proud of them.

The magic of saying ‘yes’

Over the years I’ve chosen to say ‘yes’ more often than not. I’ve said it when I was afraid, and when I was confident. The more I said yes the more confident I became.

How do you say ‘yes’ when you’re frightened? Several things seem to be involved, including:

Listening to your inner voice – our intuition, our gut feeling, whatever you call it, will rarely lead us astray.

Thinking about the worst that can happen – usually the worst is not so bad after all

Shutting both eyes and just saying ‘yes’ no matter what – metaphorically or not, the determination to say yes to your writing will carry you past the fear, I promise.

Write well and often,

 

 

Anne Wayman is no longer willing to say how long she’s been writing and swears she simply doesn’t feel that old. You can find her writing blog at: www.AboutFreelanceWriting.com

She also coaches writers and has expanded into Life Coaching as well. Check out: www.LifeCoachingOnPurpose.com