Free Advice Friday: This Job, Not That Job

What I’m reading: The Liars Club by Mary Karr (second reading)
What’s on the iPod: Leading Me Now by The Tallest Man on Earth

This has been one weird week. On Tuesday evening, a storm blew through. It wasn’t all that — some wind, a little rain, but nothing to write home about. Even stranger — our power went out well before the wind kicked up.

I spent Wednesday at Starbucks.  Sadly, every electronic device I needed to conduct my interview that day was dead or dying. Not only that, my interview questions were locked on my desktop computer. Why didn’t I save even that to the cloud?

Lesson learned going forward — make it all as virtual as I can, including email.

Thanks to Jenn Mattern for sending me a candidate for the lousiest writing gig on the planet. The post was deleted before I could get it up here, but I found a similar lousy gig, and I suspect it’s the same ad re-posted. Today’s Free Advice Friday, fellow writers, gives us this little SEO-writing wonder that’s sure to keep you on the unemployment rosters.

Website Articles Needed – Health and Wellness (virtual work)

I am looking for an experienced writer to cover a number of health and wellness articles for a new website.
I will provide you with 16 topics and one article per topic to use as a source (you should find other sources but I will only be providing you with one source per topic).
Each article will range between 500-1000 words, with the average being 750 words.

The candidate should be able to do the following:
○ Write articles with SEO in mind, including article and website keywords in the appropriate places
○ Present the topic in a clear and engaging manner
○ Create 100% original articles, NO copying the work of others.
○ Some health articles require statistics or evidence, link to source in article and use strong sources.
○ Be reliable and provide reasonable turnaround time with articles

When replying to this ad, please provide me with the following:
○ Your name
○ Writing experience
○ A writing sample (any topic will do but I would prefer something relating to health and wellness)
○ Contact information

This job pays $100 and will be paid out via PayPal in 4 installments.
After 4 articles are complete, you will be paid $25
—
That would be $100 for 16 articles, NOT $100 per article. Even better, you get that heaping wad of cash doled out to you in four minuscule installments.
Here’s what’s wrong with this ad:
Everything.
Ah, we can’t leave it at that. So let’s tick down the list of heinousness together.
“I am looking for an experienced writer” — at those rates? Are you serious? Sadly, he is.”Each article will range between 500-1000 words” — do the math right now. Let’s go with his 750-word average just for giggles. What total are you getting, 12,000 words? Right. Now let’s divide $100 by that number. 
.0083 cents per word. In order to earn even a penny, you’d have to write 12 and a half words.
This bloke wants original content, SEO-dense content, and you have to be an experienced health and wellness writer who doesn’t mind finding your own sources beyond that first one he’s gifting you. All for a C note.
I think we have a winner. This is by far the worst job on the planet.
Instead of taking on too much work for practically no pay, let’s work for someone who appreciates and values our skills, shall we? Here’s a possibility:
American FitnessMonthly publication needing articles on health, fitness, aerobic exercise, age-specific fitness, sports nutrition, and outdoor activities. Most interested in historical accounts of athletic events, inspirational pieces, equipment reviews, new product, motivational pieces, fitness guru interviews, success stories, personal experience, and new sport, travel, or activity adventures.
Pays $200 for 800-1200 feature articles, and $80 for news pieces.
So let’s pull out the calculator again. Let’s assume the mid-range: 1,000 words. How much per word? 20 cents. You’re not going to pad your investment accounts with that amount, but compared to that other gig? 
You just increased your per-word income 2,500 times. Let’s put it the way my husband put it to me: If you worked one day at the job paying 20 cents a word, you would earn what it would take someone working the other job for 10 years to make.
When you put it like that, why the hell would you bother with that first gig?
Writers, what is some of the crap you’re seeing out there?What’s your contender for worst writing gig on the planet?