What’s on the iPod: The Unicorn by Holcombe Waller
What a treat! Cathy Miller of Simply Stated Business has offered up today’s post, which is a great look at the writer’s attitude turned around. Thank you, Cathy, for such a neat post!
Danger Ahead: Do As I Say Not As I Do
By Cathy MillerThere is a belief that the traits we dislike in others are traits we possess as well. It may be the reason we find it so easy to spot them in others.
The do as I say, not as I do philosophy may be an accepted parenting mantra (raise your hand if your parents ever said that to you) but, it’s not a great approach in business. Yet, I would bet we all fall prey to it on occasion. Hey, we’re human – it’s okay.
If you can spot the danger signs of this philosophy, you can nip it in the bud before it sabotages your freelance writing business.
Do As I Say Deadline – Written deadlines are great tools for keeping a project on track. They ensure everyone is on the same page and they set expectations before the start of the assignment.
Not As I Do – Sure the unexpected happens. But, if you as a freelance writer consistently miss deadlines, how can you criticize a client who does the same?
Do As I Say Passion – Passion is a wonderful motivator. When you believe in your abilities or your writing assignment, it shows. Your clients appreciate and pay for your experience, but your passion is what inspires them to keep coming back for more.
Not As I Do – When that passion turns into preaching, you are setting yourself up for a fall. Did you ever wonder why it is you cannot write a post about typos without falling victim to one or two? I like to think it’s God’s great equalizer. A holier than thou attitude will leave you at the altar of rejection. Can I have an Amen?
Do As I Say Professionalism – A simple explanation of professionalism is respect – respect for each other’s time, opinions, and work.
Not As I Do – So you hate when your client is late for a scheduled call. And you really hate when they won’t listen to you or they talk over you in meetings. Are you sure the pot is not calling the kettle black? Do you always ask your client if they have the time to discuss the assignment? Do you always listen with an open mind and a closed mouth? If your client feels respected, chances are they will respect you right back.
Sometimes when you see traits you dislike in clients, those traits reflect back in your own mirror. Look for these danger signs because I say so, not because I do. Wait, was that right? My mirror is a bit fogged.
What traits have you caught?
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Cathy Miller has a business writing blog at Simply stated business, a health care blog at Simply stated health care and her personal blog, millercathy: A Baby Boomer’s Second Life.
10 responses to “Guest Post: Do as I Say, Not as I Do”
Thank you for the real estate on your blog, Lori. 🙂
Nicely stated, Cathy. I make an effort to remember that all of us are human beings and we deserve to be treated kindly. It seems the prevailing wisdom in today's society is that you have to be a jerk to get ahead. I disagree and treat my working colleagues just like my friends.
Great perspective, Cathy. So much of it does come under the big umbrella of professionalism. I remember an old guy in one of my corporate jobs scoffing at someone talking about the Golden Rule. He said you really need to observe the PLATINUM rule, to the effect of treating each person not as *you* like to be treated, but as *they* like to be treated.
Clients are subtly different in many respects: Editor A likes weekly progress reports, Editor B just wants the finished story thankyouverymuch. Editor A wants you to adhere closely to the assignment, Editor B wants you to find the most interesting angle within the assignment parameters.
I was always Editor B; but I recognize, respect and adhere to Editor A's workstyle.
I know I can occasionally talk over people, so when on work calls I actively restrain myself from interjecting too often. A little cross-talk is normal, but too much is ridiculous.
One trait that annoys me, but is common when dealing with upper-level professionals, is the know-it-all. They have to be the smartest person to the point where they're right even when everyone else knows (and can prove) they're wrong. A very good friend of mine is like that and I keep trying to show her it's a sign of strength to be able to admit when you're wrong or simply don't have the answer. But of course, I have to be wrong since she's always right.
Great advice, Cathy. You're so right about the mirror effect — our own reactions are reflections of traits we're overlooking or deflecting in ourselves.
Thanks again for the post, toots. I love having you here!
Wade – Thank you. I always think how much wasted energy goes into being a jerk.
Jake – great example. What I always ask myself is What makes me right and them wrong? Other than I'm perfect.
🙂 What I used to tell employees (and now clients) is there is no right or wrong, just different. Vive le difference! 😉
Paula- I had a very bad habit of talking over people. My mind would race with ideas, they would just spew out. I worked real hard at changing that. I have the occasional slip, but am happy to say by becoming so aware of it, I have been able to improve.
I remember a supervisor who had the same always right attitude. We butted heads terribly. Then one day I had an epiphany and decided it was up to me to rise above. I struggled to find a balance between being true to myself and not kissing butt. I found there actually were some things I could compliment her on that were not falsehoods. The change in our relationship was unbelievable.
Lori-the pleasure was all mine. 🙂
Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments!
Cathy, you just described how I treat my know-it-all friend! LOL. I don't offer false praise, so when I do compliment something, she knows I mean it.
Of course, a while back I said I'd taken ibuprofen for something. She "corrected" me ("It's iDUprofen"), so I didn't hold back. "There's no 'd' in ibuprofen. I-B-U. Not I-D-U. Read the darn label." Boy, did that feel good!
Paula – LOL – the thing about know-it-alls, when they crash, they crash big time. And very publicly. 🙂
Good stuff, Cathy (and everyone…)
When dealing with problem clients (which, thankfully, I have few of, by virtue of good radar…), I just make a conscious effort to create two personalities – the “What I’d Like to Say” and of course, the “What I Do Say.” The first, I just let ‘er rip, to myself, though perhaps quite loudly, and I’ll give them both barrels. For about a minute. Just doing that makes me feel better, so I can be the very picture of diplomacy when we actually talk. 😉
And I liked your story, Cathy, about having the epiphany with your supervisor, and how once you stopped trying to fight her, the relationship changed completely. I’ve had that experience many times in life, both personally and professionally. It’s one of the great life lessons, in fact…
When you stop fighting someone and accept them for who they are (not just out loud, but in actuality, because they’ll still feel your hostility even if you’re just thinking it!) is the moment they can stop defending themselves (which is usually all it is) and start looking at where they’re out of line. As long as they’re being attacked, it’ll never happen. Put another way, if you want someone to change, then give them the space to change by fully accepting them, and that’ll direct their energy away from defense and into introspection.
PB
Don't know if you'll see this, Peter, but I was do a summary of guest posts and just found this comment. Sorry for the looong delay in responding.
Love the What I'd Like to Say approach. Isn't it amazing how loud our inner voice can be? 😉
And your last point is pure poetry. I also like to think I grew up some. 🙂 That change in my relationship with my supervisor was a real life-changer.
Thanks for your insight, Peter.