What I’m reading: Gilian the Dreamer by Neil Munro
What’s on the iPod: Hicktown by Jason Aldean
For some reason I was thinking about George Carlin over the weekend. I was remembering some of his earlier stuff, which at the time we thought was drop-dead hilarious. I listened to a little of it again. It still is. His material contains enough truth and recognition to allow people to relate to it. He says things you wish you could say, like those Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV, though I think a few of them have made it onto cable, if not prime time.
The concept works. There are things we need to segment from the general population, including things we should separate from our business practices. I can think of at least seven things you should never utter to or in front of your clients.
1. Your project sucks. Go ahead – get fired. Tell them the project they’ve just presented to you with their eyes filled with wonder and pride is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard proposed. You’ll be replaced faster than a weeping contestant on The Bachelor. Instead, compliment them on their hard work, then ask to make some suggestions for improvement. Or thank them and tell them it’s not a good fit for you.
2. You’re an unprofessional jerk. While it may indeed be true, you can’t go there. Even if the client has just called you a whiny baby or set your house on fire, don’t go there. Ever. You can respectfully disagree, but that’s a strong as you should ever get when dealing with an unruly client. Channel that anger instead into your invoice collection process.
3. Do you talk to your mother with that mouth? Meaning, don’t make it personal. Ever. A few writers have been subjected to accusations about their abilities and even their sex lives, but that’s gutter talk. As much as you should never tolerate it, you can never engage in it.
4. I don’t know how you manage to run a business. They may be lousy at working with contractors, but super at operating a successful business. Or they may suck at both. It’s not up to you to point out the obvious, for you may be making unfair judgment. Even if you’re right, it’s not your job to inform them.
5. This was the worst experience of my life. That may be true, but saying so to your client is not only unprofessional, it’s an effective form of career suicide. Just thank them for their business, cash the check, and turn down future projects.
6. Pay up, you cheapskate! Yes, tell them to pay outstanding invoices. No, don’t qualify it with anything other than a litigation or collections notice (if it’s gone longer than 90 days). You can be firm and assertive, not angry and attacking.
7. You did not ask for that! Don’t ever argue with a client over what they supplied, didn’t supply, wanted, didn’t want, or any of the above. If something is missing or incorrect, fix it. Just because they’re steeped in office politics and the blame game, don’t get sucked into it. Put aside the he said/she said and do the job.
What things would you never say to your clients? And confession time – have you ever said anything inappropriate to a client?
14 responses to “Seven Things You Should Never Say to Your Client”
Hmmm…is this what we should not say or what we wish we COULD say? 🙂
How about Let me drop everything I'm doing and get right on that.
P.S. I never say anything inappropriate-Lori, stop laughing, I can't hear myself think.
I've only had a couple difficult clients and managed to hold my tongue – except when that one jerk of an editor called me whining about "I thought we were a team" despite stonewalling me every time I asked when I would finally be paid for an article written nearly a year earlier.
More recently, I realized one client that normally pays by the 20th of the month hasn't yet paid. Having had previous issues with mis-deliveries (sub letter carriers plus lots of vacant properties on my block – not a good combination), I decided to check with my editor. He said the publisher told him there would be a slight delay with checks, but everyone would receive a small "bonus" for the inconvenience.
Of course, most companies want to clear their books by the end of the year to get every tax write off and deduction possible. So sometimes it's easier to recover late payments in December.
I'm with Cathy — this is actually a list of thought balloons that appear over every writer's head at some point or another!
I heavily implied #6 one time and really raised the client's ire, in the "I'm-offended-how-dare-you-say-I'm-a-slow-payer" kind of way. (The truth hurts, eh?) To me it was funny, because I was really looking for a way out of the gig anyway.
I have said something inappropriate when I was ready to burn a bridge, when a client said I wasn't a "team player" for agreeing to give her for free what we'd contracted for a fee. My response was, "I choose my charity work, and you are not on that list."
It was at the end of a long and tumultuous assignment where she was trying to cover her own incompetent ass and I was not about to be hung out to dry at any price, and then she wanted the work for free.
No.
I would have to add one thing, but I'm not sure if it fits your list. I would never tell a client that I have children or anything that doesn't pertain to my business or future business.
It's one thing to tell them you like to cook. (I don't, but I think Paula does) It's another thing to tell them that you have to take little Johnny to the doctor, because a mysterious rash has shown up. To me, that's too personal and it crosses the professional line.
Also, there's nothing wrong with pitching possibilities for more projects with a client, because you need more work. Just don't sound desperate about it. "Please, I need more work, I'll write anything, just please let me have more work."
It's a guaranteed way to sound more pathetic, than professional. You might as well just stand in the middle of the road and see who runs you over first.
"You can be firm and assertive, not angry and attacking."
Add a dash of "professionalism" to the sentence above, & I think you've nailed the essence of effective client communication here!
This post reminds me of my days as a high school English teacher. Regardless how "challenging" a student could be, my mantra was always as follows: Even if I "win" an argument w/ a student in front of the class, I lose by nature of being in an argument w/ a student in front of the class.
Though this isn't a clear parallel w/ client relations, the underlying principle is, I believe, the same — the necessity of retaining one's professional bearing & resisting the urge to veer into the personal/emotional.
Besides, when we need to vent, we can always head over to the comments section of Words on the Page, right? 🙂
Devon-LOL!! I may have to steal that comment. 🙂
Bingo, Cathy. I won't say that, either. 🙂
Paula, refer to #3. And #4. And even #6. Some will use all the tricks in the book to avoid the real issue, which is that unpaid invoice. Funny how these all seem to relate in some way!
Jake, I've had to face the righteous indignation of the client who hasn't paid. It's funny to hear them getting all defensive or layering on the guilt. The fact remains – you owe, therefore, pay up.
You were well rid of her, Devon. She was making your life miserable anyway. Isn't it odd how they bring up charity AFTER they've agreed to the price? What is that? Do they do that with their doctors?
Wendy, absolutely. It would be like telling a client "I can't talk to you today at 2 because that's when I'm getting a boil removed." Not that children are boils, but mention them and watch your credibility disintegrate. It's tought to say it, but clients equate the word "mom" with "too busy to do this job right."
That's right, Hugh. You can come here and unload. 🙂 Great point, too. I remember one encounter where the client was questioning why I wasn't available 24/7. Instead of defending, I said, "Is there something pressing I can help with right now?" They don't own us. Defending that challenge would have lowered me to his level and worse, it would have dragged me into an argument not worth fighting.
I've bumped into this issue most often when hiring subcontractors to help provide specific skills needed by clients. One particular subcontractor spent much of his time on the client site complaining about the low skills of the client resources, who created the problems he was being paid to address. He was also incredibly demanding about what they should do to make his job easier.
My simple guideline is never criticize the client. They may sometimes be wrong, but I still fill my sentences with "we" instead of "you."
Great topic!
And thanks for dropping by my site to offer comments regarding the sneak peek of my new novel!
My favorite long-time editor just broke the news that their 2011 budget is still in flux – some big contract has to be formalized before the budget can be allotted, I guess. I've worked with her for 14 years, and she's used to how I always try to find an upside in bad news – finding out you won't be getting any assignments for the next issue is rough. Especially around the holidays.
She started out by saying she hated to be a Scrooge. My reply began with "The good news is I'll have more time for holiday merriment. The bad news is…." I had to give a bad news, too (basically, the timing of it), since I didn't want to look like some perky Pollyanna who lets bad news roll off her shoulders.
That news, coupled with the fact that I have three outstanding invoices (two stemming from September), I decided to be a tad bit snarky in my LinkedIn status update. It felt good, but I'll probably change it by tomorrow.
Have you been skulking about in my mind? I think I'm going to fail Handholding 101. And some jerk in a Twitter chat accused me of being "an industry insider." Heh! Thanks for your comments at my place, too.
You're an industry insider, Georganna? Inside what? 🙂
The jerk, if he were really talking to an industry insider, should be kissing your arse, not insulting and nasty.
Sorry to hear that, Paula. Sucks when they have to break the news. You're a good sport.
Surprising how often that happens, Andrew. We are there to unravel, not bitch because the road wasn't paved before us.
Yep, thought balloons. I've had all of them at least once, except for the… nope, nevermind. All of them. Thanks for saying it out loud, Lori. Feeling validated here.
LOL! Thanks for commenting, Taqiyyah. I'm glad we could validate the feelings. 🙂