What I’m reading: Sweet Thursday by John Steinbeck
What’s on the iPod: Sign of the Times by The Clarks
My car is back! Actually, it’s been working since Thursday. It was still dead when the mechanic got to it on Wednesday, which made the cause easier to find. It wouldn’t stay dead, however, but it was failing often enough that he could drive it, let it cool, and test as it died. It’s fixed, and I hope that’s the end of my intermittent start issues. But it’s one of those problems that would happen months apart, so I can’t exactly relax for a year….
Had a good weekend. The sun came out and I was able to tame the garden. The grass is another story – neither mower wanted to cooperate, so I have half of the front lawn chopped to bits. The push mower was the only one that would start and stay that way, but I had to quit when it started smoking. I think the grass was simply too thick and it was overheating the thing. The oil level is fine. Just weird…
I was talking with a writer a few weeks back who’d asked about finding a mentor. It’s a great question – how do you find a mentor or even a coach who’s worth following? From what I’ve seen, I have a few ideas:
Avoid the over-promoter. Maybe it’s just my natural-born skepticism, but if they’re screaming their expertise from the rooftops, they’re not the ones I’m inclined to follow. Good mentors and coaches have experience, results, and word-of-mouth doing much of their talking for them. Mind you, they do market, but they don’t have that same desperate “Look at ME!!” attitude.
Dissect the available info. If your mentor/coach has a blog, read it carefully. Is what he/she saying relevant to your needs? If so, look further in. Is he/she saying something valuable, or is it a repeat of the same, tired old stuff floating around the Internet? Is your potential mentor someone who will be your champion, or is he/she too wrapped up in being his own champion? You can tell by the tone and the presence/absence of too much “me” talk.
Don’t go with a copycat. I’ve seen a few of them. Their FABULOUS NEW WEBINAR!! is usually based on one that just occurred or was announced by someone else. Your mentor/coach should have original ideas and approaches. Even if the idea is familiar, the mentor who can brand it in his/her own way is the one to follow.
Get referrals. They can shout from the rooftops about being the most wonderful coach or mentor on the planet, but the proof is in what others think. Contact people who have worked with them. What did they like? What didn’t they like? What value did they get from the relationship?
Ask for recommendations. The best way to find a great coach or mentor is to work with someone others are raving about. Also, pay attention when writers talk. What are they saying about their favorites? And when they’re complaining, what’s upsetting them about that person? The smart mentor/coach is someone who builds a valuable network and has a genuine nature. This is a person who cares about your welfare and your professional growth – a phony cares about how many people he/she is adding to the list of “successes” for the resume.
What criteria do you use to choose a mentor or coach? What experiences have you had – good or bad – with coaches, mentors, or even course leaders?
12 responses to “Choosing Your Mentor Wisely”
You also need someone who pushes you, not enables your bad habits. It's got to be someone who makes you strive to be your best writing self, not says "there, there, that's okay" when you make excuses not to write.
My mouth actually dropped open when I saw the title of your post this morning. I was thinking as I was brushing my teeth this morning that I could really use a mentor. How weird.
Devon, your comment is so important. Someone said something like that to me on Friday at a mixer I attended… I was making an excuse of why I hadn't sent a query letter to an editor friend of mine (I don't have time, got too busy, blah blah blah) and she said to me, well that's just lazy, isn't it? HA! And she's exactly right. Not that I haven't been busy – I have. But I firmly believe that you make time for what's important to you, and so I needed to be honest with myself about why I hadn't sent the query. She called me on it, and I like that.
Ashley, that's so important. You have to want it badly enough to do it. There never IS enough time — you have to make time, prioritize and re-prioritize projects. I struggle with it every day. And I try to make sure I'm not shooting myself in the creative foot out of fear, by pretending I'm too busy to take a risk, when, in reality, I'm scared.
Devon – yes, exactly! Part of it is the fear of rejection and part of it is simply being very new to query writing… and that probably goes right back to fear. It's a relief to know that other writers struggle with that, even very experienced ones. Sometimes it can feel like everyone out there knows what they're doing except me, that I'm the only one floundering. And it's not the writing that's the problem; I'm quite confident with that. But trying to persuade others to trust me and have confidence in me is the challenge.
Dissecting the available info is crucial.
When a supposed writing mentor was offering bad advice on a writing forum while boasting about her massive success, I had to check her website. This "professional writer" couldn't even write a coherent profile – of her self. She shifted back and forth from first person to third person and had several grammar problems. (I wanted to shake her and say, "Even beginning writers should know why phrases like 'there's lots of opportunities' are wrong, wrong, wrong. So why is your copy littered with such obvious errors?") Oh yeah, she claimed to be an editor, too.
Those are mistake I'd forgive in forum comments, or maybe even in an occasional blog post. But when you're positioning yourself as a professional writer / editor / mentor / writing coach there is no excuse for having such blatant mistakes on your own site.
I've never been in the market for a coach or mentor, but it seems a basic comprehension of the English language should be the top priority potential clients want in a mentor.
That's hilarious, Paula! For me, I wouldn't be looking for someone to teach me how to write. I already know how to do that. I'd be looking for help learning the business side of things (though I do have much less respect for those who claim to be writers/editors and make repeated, obvious errors). I'll admit, though, that my linguistics class this spring gave me a completely different perspective of what is "proper" English (stupid master's degree is nearly done, thank God!)
Devon, great advice. You need someone who won't BS you into repeating the same mistakes. Amen.
Ashley, we must be on the same wavelength. 🙂 I like what your friend said. She provided that Ah-Ha Moment for you. Good for her, and good for you for realizing the validity of it.
Devon, exactly! It's fear talking. To me, fear is what most people call writer's block, too.
Oh Paula, you crack me up! It's true – if your "editor" mentor can't spell, you're in trouble. LOL I'd hate to see that person's profile – lord, how many clients ran the other way, I wonder?
Great post Lori.
One thing I'd suggest when it comes to mentors is to dig a bit deeper into the people they've worked with. See how they're really doing after the mentoring. Do they have a better presence in their specialty area? Did their work seem to improve over the time they were mentored? Do they even really exist?
Maybe I'm just a skeptic, but I don't buy a lot of the raving I see from people I've never heard of before they review something and who seem to drop off the face of the earth afterwards. If the mentor did their job, we should see more of them. Perhaps that skepticism comes from my history with e-books and all the fraudsters out there writing their own "reviews" and slapping generic names on them. Or those popular freelance writers who were caught posting fraudulent comments under multiple names to create false support for their claims. See enough scams in people marketing and you learn to dig a bit deeper in general.
Great advice, Jenn. The proof is in how well the mentees are doing after the fact.
I think your skepticism is well placed. I've seen a few customer "reviews" that I've questioned. Not everyone is honest, and we really shouldn't believe every claim just because someone is making it publicly.
Lordy! As a writing coach… I tend to stand aside and apply ideas, applause, and, when called for the hard truth… not really sure what mentor means… I welcome questions from possible clients.
And I've learned to ask them in return before I take someone on.
I've learned to limit how much time a client has to use me… that is I don't want someone showing up in 6 months after not doing what we agreed to in the first place.
I'm getting better at picking out those who really want my advice.
Maybe it's just me, but I can't trust a person that uses a lot of "explosive", "infomercial" or "space" related language to draw you to them.
Explosive- ticking time bomb exploding, nuclear blast within your soul, etc.
Infomercial- I'll take those self-defeating thoughts and slice and dice them. Then, I'll crush them for good measure.
Space- Catapult yourself to the stars, reach high-in-the sky for those goals, drift to the heavens, etc.
Inspirational pep talks are necessary, but the over-the-top language use makes you think they're just covering up for something.
Anne, I'd hire you in a heartbeat. You have the expertise, the genuine temperament, and the ability to get to the point without drilling holes in someone. 🙂
Wendy, I love your list! LOL I think you're right – verbiage like that is hiding something. My guess is it's hiding lack of actual value.