Yesterday was nice and busy. I got in a large chunk of an annual project, and I made decent headway on it. It’s a huge document, and the client is hoping to have things proofed and formatted by August 15th. I hope that’s possible. In the past, things have taken much longer (it’s really big).
I talked a bit on the phone with writing chum and now new blogger Bob Calandra, whose blog, Words Count, is in its initial stages of life. Go give Bob some comment love and bookmark his site. He has a ton of experience and an enviable background. We’re going to learn from him.
I had an interesting email from a contractor. I say interesting in that does-he-sound-upset-or-am-I-imagining-it way. We had contacted a local business about some outside work recently. We got busy, tax bills came in, and we never followed up. It happens.
I’ll give the contractor credit – he followed up. However, I have to wonder about his style. The note was thus: “Lori – Several weeks ago I contacted you with several samples of our work. I’m contacting you to see if you’re ready to move forward with our assistance. Please let me know.”
I think what bothered me is more the short sentence at the end and no “thank you” or “sincerely” – just an email signature. Maybe it was that sentence hanging there alone, or maybe it was the use of “several” twice, which looks, well, severe. Maybe it was the terse “Lori” and not “Hi Lori” or even “Hello Mrs. Bean.” Or maybe I need to lighten up. Whatever the case, it left an odd feeling. I felt chastised a little.
While I’m sure that wasn’t his intent, it does punctuate the reasons why we have to proofread our own communications. Some of the things I look out for when I go over my notes:
Negative language. I myself tend to stay away from negative words or thoughts, like “You didn’t contact me” or “You didn’t respond.” Better to say “I haven’t heard – is there more info you need to help make the decision?”
Absolutes. I don’t like using “never” or even “always” as they can be confrontational and seem like I’m stuck in a routine.
Short sentences. They just sound like you’re upset. “Let me know” sounds better if you couple it with “Let me know if there are any questions I can answer for you.”
Blaming intonations. My contractor friend here used “several” twice, which sounds like A) I’ve dropped the ball (I have, but what potential client wants to hear that?), B) he’s pointing the finger at me, and C) he’s wasted time filling my request in the first place. Again, I doubt very much that was his intention, but that’s the way it read to these overworked eyes.
No hint of formality. This is a letter to a potential client – at least say hello. With no greeting or closing, I’m left feeling like I’ve ticked him off because I didn’t respond right away. In my own communications, I’d much rather opt for informal “Hi” and “Thanks” than nothing at all. Again, the abruptness of the note can leave your reader feeling a little defensive.
There are times when anger or impatience does creep into our communications, albeit subconsciously. If you doubt your message isn’t cordial enough, have someone read it through for you before you send it. We writers, of all people, should be able to communicate the appropriate message using language that shows a partnership with the clients, not combativeness.
When was the last time you received communication that was less than stellar? What was the intended message? What message actually came across? Have you ever sent a message that wasn’t your best piece of writing?
19 responses to “Terseness on the Edge of Town”
I know many people who have a short, terse-sounding style to emails. I've found that often that's just their style and I am the one reading more into it-especially if it's a client or a prospect.
Does that mean I don't think they could communicate better? No. Like you demonstrated, Lori, just a few more words changes the whole perception to soften the message. And your suggestion of avoiding negatives is a good one. I read a great post a while back from Men With Pens about the use of negative words and how often the reader (who is skimming at best) misinterprets the message due to the use of those negative words. It's amazing how easily they slip into our messages.
At least this guy put please in front of the let me know.
Cathy, I agree completely. Their style is all it is most times.
And as you say, that doesn't mean they can't learn to communicate better. I think it's one thing to write a note with one "please" in it (I can forgive the guy his seemingly terse note – we're not all writers), and entirely another to chastise a customer like my trash company did. You know how you run to get the trash can to the curb as the truck is coming down the street? We've all done it – forgotten to put it out the night before. But we ran ours out around 7 am, figuring if they get it, fine. If not, our tough luck. I went to bring it back in that day, and there was a message scrawled across the lid in marker – "Out by 6 am!"
That wasn't necessary. It's not as though we'd called and complained that because we couldn't get our lazy butts out of bed in time they had to make an additional trip. How they knew it was late to the curb is beyond me, but I really bristled at being chastised like that.
I think you're right on both counts – short sentences tend to imply he's in a hurry (and in this case, it appears that it's your fault!), but also, most of the time it's the reader who reads unintended messages. But that just puts a greater burden on the writer to make sure those short sentences, negatives, etc., though well-intentioned, are not misinterpreted.
Someone told me once, and I forgot who or I'd give the writer credit for this neat idea, that he puts a delay on his emails, so that after he writes one and hits send, it sits in his outbox for five minutes before actually going out into cyberspace. That way, if after five minutes he reconsidered what he wrote, he had time to change it before the client received it. Pretty cool.
This is a good example of how the written word represents us when we aren't there. It's hard to say what his intentions were, but the reality is he made a bad impression with Lori. That is his fault, not Lori's. This makes me think about social media because people shoot off words without much thought. That can come back to bite you in the butt.
I know I communicate much better on the page than, say, over the phone, which is one reason it's in the contract that I don't do business over the phone.
Sometimes I'm in a cranky or abrupt mood and I'll write the abrupt email, then save it and put it aside for a few hours before sending. I'll re-read it and "professionalize" it before sending.
Isn't it amazing how a little "hello" and "thank you" could have totally changed the tone of his email? Interpersonal skills can make all the difference in life.
Getting back to the fact that he's not a writer…His e-mail illustrates why good writing is valuable to any business.
One thing I've noticed is people who haven't grown up around computers or don't use them frequently for work tend to be more abrupt in e-mail. They're out of their comfort zone and want to be done with it as quickly as possible.
I noticed it with some resumes I've done – the people with the terse replies are often the people with jobs that don't entail a lot of diplomacy. They can probably write clear, concise estimates or project reports, but don't have a clue when it comes to interpersonal communication.
That said, even the best of us might occasionally write something we read one way but can be misinterpreted another way.
Hands up if your heat index is over 105…. of course, that's about 2/3 of the nation, but at least we're not alone.
Our heat index was 102 at 10:30 last night, and the real heat isn't due here until Wednesday & Thursday. I'd rather be shoveling 18" of fresh snow. No joke.
Paula, where do you live? I'm in South Texas, and it's been very hot and dry here too. But I can't say I'd rather be shoveling snow. I'd still choose heat over cold!
Ashley, that's actually a really good idea – delayed delivery.
Wade, I suspect, as Paula mentioned, he's not a computer user. He was great on the phone.
Devon, maybe that's why it strikes me as terse – I do much better in email, as well. Clearly, this poor guy doesn't.
Sarah, exactly. Those words would have made a huge difference. But as Paula says, it underlines why professional writing is so important to businesses. 🙂
Hang in there with the heat, Paula. We're at 92 right now (in the shade) and we have dry, brown grass. No rain expected and none since one really nice storm two and a half weeks ago. Before that, it was a dry June.
I'm in northern IL, Ashley. I just checked the Local on the 8s – at noon we were 95 with a heat index of 109. And the real heat isn't supposed to hit until Wed & Thur.
Our last rain was the severe storm a week ago Monday that knocked out power to 880,000 customers in N. IL, including parts of the north side of Chicago. My brother lives in Lake County IL,just north of Chicago and his power was out Monday AM through Thursday afternoon. (Yes, he broke down and bought a generator but had to get it up in Madison.) Rain has been so sparse that lawns are dormant so the only person who's mowed in the past few weeks is the guy across the street who waters his lawn.
I watered my outdoor plants and mini garden around 9 AM and just before noon I saw a couple plants showing signs of stress, so I re-watered them. The back door's doorknob was HOT to the touch.
I'm so glad I have my little window AC! It keeps the whole house from getting too hot inside, and really gets rid of the humidity. Sure, the room it's in (dining room) is really cool, but if my office gets too hot I can step out there and be refreshed, or step outside so even the hottest room of the house will feel cool!
Paula: I'm a firm believer that states that have snow in the winter shouldn't be forced to suffer in 100+ degree temperatures in the summer. And vice versa. I really hate weather below 50 degrees, and I was absolutely angry that it got below freezing several times last winter.
Hopefully Mother Nature is reading this blog and will take note 🙂 Some rain would be nice, too!
Well, here in Portland Oregon we haven't hit 90 once this summer and today it's 70 with showers. Believe me I don't want the heat, but a little warmth wouldn't be bad. My lawn is so long and green it looks like a jungle. I don't want to mow in the rain either. It is really hard to be happy with the weather. 🙂
Wade, we had a lawn like that all through May. It rained nonstop.
Now our grass is crunchy. Parts of it I don't think will recover. Worse, we had a tree service come in to get a tree that fell during the heavy rains. Tire tracks in the yard. Think Oregon Trail – they look like that same kind of permanent damage. Doubtful, but it is reminiscent of damaging the delicate ecosystem in the West…. (I'm waiting for the tumbleweeds – they'd be our hedges)
Forget the lawn this year, I say. Everyone's lawns look awful. Better to save the water for something else, like drinking. 🙂
Lori – tire ruts not withstanding, I hope your lawn bounces back. when they're brown & crunchy they're usually just dormant. That's how ours were after a few weeks of no rain, than immediately after last week's brief storm they all greened back up…for a few days before the heat kicked in.
I want to yell at the neighbor who's obsessed with watering his lawn and tell him he's wasting water and energy by mowing more often than he would need to if he didn't water the lawn. Lawns go dormant, that's all. Sure a year-long drought might kill the lawns off, but not a few weeks of dormancy. (That said, I hope the heat and drought kill off the weeds in my lawn.)
Well, I'll jump into the heat discussion. Wade, we are neighbors (I'm in ID) and we have hit the 90s, but it's been (knock on wood), a mild summer.
Since I moved from 20+ years in San Diego where the average temperature is in the 70s, I really appreciate the reprieve. 🙂
Paula, I know. I've seen people mowing (what exactly?). We were going to use the weed trimmer to knock down the weeds, but the weeds died. Pretty darned dry.
Cathy, I'm glad you have a reprieve. 🙂 I like summers hot, but we're working on a month and a half of excessive heat. Though we did get one day in there where it was bearable (last week during the concert it was around 80 all day – amen!).
Well, Ashley, Mother Nature isn't listening. We hit 100 today (in the shade, no heat index included) and two of our three local TV meteorologists are predicting we'll hit 102 tomorrow. (I missed the third guy's broadcast.) Last time we surpassed 100 was the brutal summer of 1988, aka, the one time I recall my dad going to a movie. He went for the AC.
The way that the reply is stated, doesn't really bother me. I agree that adding words like "Thank You" and "Have a great day", would be nice, but I don't always expect them.
However, I do have a list of pet peeves when it comes to the subject of professional-type emails. It's too numerous to list here, though.
One is the use of emoticons. I don't mind them in personal notes, but putting them in professional emails just rails me. Especially when it goes in where it doesn't belong, like in the middle of a sentence. Should I be flattered that your email is getting fresh with me (winking emoticon)? Maybe you're sending some kind of Morse code through the successive blinks to convey top-secret information, that I would have no clue how to read.
Wendy, I think it really shouldn't bother me, either. Because he was so congenial on the phone, I'm sure this was his weak area, and I'm fine with giving him a ton of slack.
But it does bring up the obvious, which is some people don't write well and they need us. 🙂
I'm an emoticon addict, but it's rare I'll put them in professional notes and only if I've received one from the client first. I hate them, but I'm addicted. What can I say?