Let me tell you, bad behavior is everywhere.
If you’ve just spent time with family over the holidays, you’re shaking your head in agreement. We spent time with what I call “good” company — family who are not combative, who don’t drop statements that are hateful or racist, and those who behave like decent adults. But honey, have I ever had those kind of holiday gatherings.
Unfortunately, I’ve also had those kinds of encounters with relative strangers, clients included. And while you may not be able to fix Uncle George’s racist mouth (other than pointing him toward the door), you can indeed do something about the jerk in front of you.
It starts with understanding how these people have managed to be such assholes for so long. It’s called enablement.
Enablement is when someone says, “That’s just his way” or “She just likes to argue.” When I hear a sentence including “just” as a qualifier for someone’s asinine behavior, I see it as the shortened form of “justified” as in they are justifying bad behavior, allowing it to continue.
It’s why Enron executives had so many schemes going on that basically rerouted the company coffers to their pockets and gave them license to consistently project future earnings they were never going to meet. It’s why so many famous male figures — celebrities, CEOs, and the like — were able to sexually harass, assault, abuse women in their employment. It’s why the rich and powerful get away with abusing their positions.
It’s how some clients and contacts will behave, if given the opportunity.
Once, I was at a trade show, walking from the exhibit hall after and exceedingly long, tiring day on my feet. I was walking past a group of people when a man approached me. He reached out to shake my hand, only he took it in both hands and told me how lovely I was (can’t remember his exact words, but they were inappropriate for a business event). When he removed his hands, his business card remained. He suggested I call him. I handed it back and kept walking.
My daughter had a similar situation on a job interview. The man she was to shadow kept hitting on her, asking her questions about what she and her husband do alone together. She was wise — she left at lunchtime, flew home, then wrote a stinging letter to his employer.
Lesson to learn — it doesn’t matter if the person in front of you has the job of your dreams. If they abuse their power or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s not worth it. That includes racist remarks.
- I’ve hung up on a would-be client who made a racial “joke.”
- I’ve unfriended and blocked a close friend for antisemitic language.
- I’ve conveniently lost the contact information for what I thought was a dream client when he couldn’t help himself but to say something completely inappropriate about the color of another colleague’s skin (outside of her earshot, of course).
We’ve all heard it, seen it, cringed through it. But that last part — cringing through it — isn’t enough. It’s high time we all start reacting and calling these fools out.
But that’s going to be uncomfortable. Unless, of course, you have a plan. Here’s your plan:
Answer a racist statement with a question.
That’s a favorite tactic of mine for nearly any inappropriate language. I’ve had someone I once considered a friend insult me in front of another friend — the response was “Why would you think that’s appropriate?”
Same goes for racist statement. I saw a mutual friend eviscerate the antisemite by saying “Why would you EVER think this is an appropriate way for adults to behave?” Go with something like that. It puts the onus on the offender and reflects the discomfort they’re causing you right back onto them.
Talk to the boss.
Everyone has a boss, even a CEO. Their boss may be the board of directors. Problem children need to be corrected, and their superiors are the ones who should be doing so. If your client has just said a string of inflammatory, racist things, write a letter AND call. Phone calls get lost — emails may, but at least there’s evidence on your side that there is an issue with the client.
Boycott that client.
Immediately hang up, immediately halt communication. Tell them why (in email if you’d rather — and copy their boss). Refuse to work with them until the person goes through sensitivity training or is removed. I remember a woman at the local Kmart who was forced to attend sensitivity training thanks to yours truly. When you are at the customer service desk and the nicest thing you can say to the Hispanic man in front of you is “Learn English!” you are in the wrong job. And he is in the wrong store and should not give them business. I know I never set foot in it again as long as she was employed there. Kmart headquarters received a written letter, and I received an apology. That apology should have gone to the man she insulted, but since I didn’t want to embarrass him further by asking, that wasn’t going to happen.
Alert your freelance network.
While one freelancer boycotting a client may not make a dent in a large client’s life, quite a few freelancers could well make it difficult for them. If you specialize, talk with other writers in that specialization. Let them know about the issues, and that taking work from this particular client means you could find yourself either inadvertently supporting bad behavior or becoming a victim of it.
Writers, how do you handle the racist in front of you?
Have you ever had to deal with sexual harassment of any sort?