4 Marketing Fails: Are You Guilty?

Did you ever get one of those emails that’s apparently trying to sell you something? I say “apparently” because it’s so badly written or presented that you really can’t tell what the heck is going on?

Welcome to my in box.

The email two weeks ago was from a marketing firm. It started off with a logo that, well, I had to look at twice. I could not tell you from the logo what the company’s name is (and since the logo was the company name, that’s not good).

Oh, but that was small in comparison to the rest of it. I won’t reveal the company or much of its “sales pitch” because it might embarrass them to be called out. It would help them immensely to be called out, but I’m not in the business of embarrassing people publicly. So let’s look at this in detail.

The Subject Line was actually the best part of the entire email. I knew in six words what it was about. Bravo.

The praise, however, stops there.

Inside, the headline was a bit of a repeat. The words used to describe this particular offer were…. meh. It compelled me to take action, but not in the way the sender intended. I wanted to edit. Badly.

In fact, it was in direct contrast to really good sales copy. You know how you respond so well to something like:

WE MAKE STUFF.
Beautiful, practical, meaningful stuff. (FiftyThree.com)

You don’t know exactly what they make, but you want to know more, right? That’s how you do it right.

So why, when there are dictionaries full of options, would anyone choose “snooze words”?

Examples of snooze words:

• Informative
• Important
• Engaging
• Effective

Asleep yet?

But even a snooze word can be strong if you use it in the right way. Okay, maybe not all snooze words, but you could use the word “important” in a sentence and not bore the hell out of your audience.

Back to the email in question:

The hook — well, they tried. They tried to make me want to know more by telling me who already knows about what they’re about to offer me. “Effective managers” apparently are privy to this info. Not very compelling, but I read on.

The body — did they just use four buzz words in the same sentence? Oh my, and didn’t they just use two of those snooze words, as well. Lord, wake me up. What is the offer? I don’t really know because the “offer” never materializes. Instead, I’m being told that these “effective managers” are in fact effective because of Business 101 principles. I feel like I’m reading a business book, in fact.

But wait. That has nothing to do with the Subject Line. Does it? Umm…

Oh wait, here it is — they’ve put their main point in bold text, so I’m sure to see it. Here’s the offer:

No wait. It’s a question. They’re asking me to guess how these people became so smart. Okay, so the bold text must be a mistake.

The Topic — I’m about 180-200 words into this email, and here’s the headline of the product/service being offered.  And …. well, I guess it sort of ties in to the bolded section, but it’s also kind of repeating the same thing….

Oh dear. Did they just use the word “underpin” to describe the product/service?

Wait, it’s coming. Here’s what they’re offering …. oh wait, no. That’s a line that brags about what companies have used their product/service (I’m still calling it either/or because honestly, I don’t know what the hell they’re selling). So what did these companies gain?

They’ve improved their influence.

I kid you not.

And if you have any idea what that means and why I should care, please enlighten me. Influence on what exactly?

—

Writers, you’re making similar mistakes. Here’s how:

Veering off point

You were winning them over with your home page or your first few lines of sales copy, then you did it.

You switched gears unexpectedly.

When you’re trying to impress clients on why they need you, you should probably not:

• Include super-casual pictures
• Awkward mentions of your hobbies, particularly if you collect toenail clippings or do something equally bizarre (and if you have to ask if it’s too bizarre, just don’t list it)
• Talk about your worst client experiences

Being too vague

I had a client once who couldn’t tell me in the nearly hour-long conversation exactly what he did for a living. If he can’t convey that, I sure can’t. Likewise any copy that attempts to suppress what you think is some “surprise” to be revealed later. Pssst: There is no later. There’s now. Stop being coy.

Putting your audience to sleep

Check your content for snooze words. Look at Every. Single. Word. Do you really want to say “remarkable” or “nice” when you can say “noteworthy” or “distinctive” or anything but “nice”? Get to the point, try out different words to see how they feel to you, read it to someone else … but don’t go boring thinking it’s safer.

Being too cute

You’re trying to win over that global company, but you’re still using that image of you amid your teddy bear collection. Consider your audience. If your intended client is a flower shop or floral supply company, that flowery logo may fit in (or it may not — research your customer). But it’s not attracting that financial institution’s business. You can — and should — inject something personal into your website and your sales letters (a personal tone for the latter perhaps), but don’t go too far. No one wants to know that you’ve nicknamed the mole on your nose Norman. Really. Don’t want to know that.

Writers, how have you weeded out the problems in your sales copy?
What one thing do you think writers should do when creating their messages?