It happened again.
I was on a social media site a while back and I accepted a connection request.
“Hi Lori! Thanks for accepting my connection! Hey, I have a website and I really need someone to critique it…”
Seriously. On first contact.
It’s like being proposed to on the first date. No, wait.
It’s like being asked to help someone you’ve just met move across the state.
Most of us who have been doing this a while are used to the “I would love to pick your brain sometime” requests. That’s not necessarily bad, either. The “sometime” tempers the request. You’re not obligated that minute, nor are you really on the hook to help at all, if you don’t want to. The connection is just leaving that out there as a possibility.
But the ones who start the conversation with “Help me” — or worse, the ones who demand it — aren’t understanding how the networking thing works.
I saw it on a forum last week, in fact. The writer’s request to join was accepted, and he thanked everyone by saying “Thank you! Hey, I really need some help critiquing my blogs…” then added two links to each one with further instructions on what he needed.
And a week later, his post is still hanging there like rotted fruit. No one is going near it, and who would? This guy, who has no connections to anyone in the forum, is asking everyone to do some free work for him.
Then there was the writer who, years ago, sent notes to everyone she was connected to asking for:
- Work
- Money
I didn’t know her from anything as she’d never had one conversation with me. So no, I’m not inclined to respond. Had I known her — had she reached out over the years we’d been connected, had she had any conversation with me at all, I might have been sympathetic.
But asking for help from strangers — that’s a leech.
It’s becoming quite common to see this sort of scenario, and that disturbs me. Well-meaning writers are getting sucked into conversations that have no point and no end.
How to tell if you’re dealing with a leech:
- They push you into doing something you don’t have time/don’t want to do
- Your needs don’t enter the equation
- They’re not really willing to do any work in order to better their situation
- You groan when their messages come in
- They’re quick to say their problems are caused by outside forces
We freelancers are a helpful lot. However, it’s not cruel to say no to strangers — sometimes, it’s wise. The few times I bothered to respond to strangers turned into absolute time sinks — they wanted more. And more. And oh my gawd, even more. And more often than not, they ignore your advice. Or worse, argue back that it won’t work.
Cue the visual of me with my head on the desk.
To writers who are inclined to help those asking for favors from new connections, consider this:
- Time is money — yes, it’s your time that should be compensated. Don’t be afraid to halt the barrage of questions with talk of what you charge per hour for consulting.
- Their reaction — would they help someone they don’t know right off the bat? Doubtful.
- The future of those connections — I’ve instantly deleted some of the worst offenders from my connections. Consider carefully if you want to keep someone like that in your orbit.
- The reciprocity — is this someone who is willing to either give in return to you or pay it forward? If you don’t know, there’s your answer.
- The reason — is it because they won’t do their own legwork? Or is it that they want a cheerleader? Or to prove they know something by contradicting?
New writers, and even veteran writers who are struggling:
It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to approach a writer you’ve had some contact with and ask for some help with something.
It’s when it goes from a simple question to an unending string of “help me help me help me help…” requests/demands in which writers are asking for another writer to draw out a business plan for them (in essence) and walk them through their own careers that things go off the rails.
If you’re sitting there right now worried that you can’t ask questions, you’re not a leech. A leech wouldn’t care.
So please, ask. Your fellow writers are here to help. And when a leech comes knocking on your email in box, know that you’re allowed to ignore it.
Writers, what other examples of leech behavior have you had to deal with?
7 responses to “The Return of the Freelance Leech (and how to protect yourself against one)”
The right-out-of-the-gate leech is easy to spot. Like your latest leech, Lori, they barely get out the greeting before asking for something from you. But, there are those leeches who you may already know and they use that relationship to try to suck you dry. Any work you can throw their way? Can you introduce them to one of your LI connections (when they’re basically going after the same services you offer)? They are those who ask and take without any form of reciprocation. Because we are a generous group. I’ve said that about writers from the start of my freelancing career. Most support each other and that means a different kind of s word – not sucking a contact dry, but sharing.
Oh, that one I don’t like either, Cathy! I get the requests to funnel my “overflow work” quite a lot. If I know you and that mythical overflow work ever existed, sure. I did refer a writer friend to a favorite editor recently, but he’s someone I’d happily help. He’s communicated with me for over 10 years, and he’s never asked a favor before. And I trust his writing and work ethic.
That has to enter into it or it’s a no-go. One other time I referred someone to a client, she nearly killed it for me, too.
In my early days on LinkedIn I had a couple of people message me after seeing that I’m a regular contributor to a high-profile publication, asking me to put them in touch with my editors.
Um, no. I had to work to land my contacts there, and I just started with the name of one editor. I snail mailed him some clips, he called, assigned me something on the spot and then he passed my info on to some of his fellow editors, and I’ve worked my tail off for each an every one of them. (Which is probably why one of them sent me two new assignments last night.)
Instead of offering this guy my contact—and risk him annoying my editor, who might in turn get annoyed with me for giving away his info—I told him to look at the website, check the bylines for people who are listed as editors in areas he might be interested in writing about, then sending his clips.
Contrast that with one of the editors from that particular publication emailing be to ask if another place he’d seen my byline in was a good place to write for. He didn’t ask for contact info, he just wanted to know if I liked writing for them. I said it was a great place to write, and his byline started showing up a few months later. Because he did his own leg work.
Oh Paula, I don’t blame you. A writer friend I’ve known for two decades just asked for an editorial introduction. That is perfectly okay with me because I know and trust his professionalism.
That courtesy does not extend to people I don’t know or haven’t known for very long. I worked hard to get that contact, to build and nurture that relationship. I’m not about to risk it all on a new contact. I’d even hesitate if it were someone I knew but didn’t have the experience working with. Years ago, that one time I did and was burned, was enough for me.
Good for that editor. He knew enough to just ask about the working conditions. I remember an email from an editor I’d worked with years prior. She wanted me to review something she’d edited and “maybe put an Amazon review up” for it. I couldn’t finish the intro — it was so poorly edited, it was almost unreadable. Made me rethink my relationship with her, for sure.
Amen!
There are so many of them around, and there seem to be more lately. As well as asking for critiques, they want you to make introductions, add links to their services to content you’ve published, and a whole lot more. I’ve lost patience with this (hmm, seem to be saying that a lot more lately 🙂 ) so I usually just remove the connection on LinkedIn or delete the email. I’ve even been known to mark persistent offenders as spam.
Oh gawd, Sharon. You’ve hit on all the worst offenses! I’m getting these link “offers” (they frame it as that so I don’t think they’re requesting perhaps?) for this blog. This week, three of them. One a few weeks ago actually did read the site enough to know I had the resources list. She suggested I add her company to it. Funny — she didn’t read the blog page that said “No companies” in the guidelines….
I’m with you — remove them altogether. It’s so frequent, there’s just no way to respond to them all without wasting time. Maybe we should craft a stock response? LOL