What I’m reading: The Devil in the White City by Erik Larsen
What’s on the iPod: Take It Easy by The Eagles
Last week I quipped that when invoices get argued, I entertain ideas of pulling a James Chartrand – in other words, adopting a male persona in order to get a little more respect. I wasn’t totally serious. Sure, I’ve considered it, much the way people consider running away when the going gets tough. In other words, not seriously enough to be dangerous.
Some believe it’s deceitful. Maybe so, but after hearing James’s story and understanding from my own perspective how sometimes girls don’t get a fair shake, I will never judge her for it, nor will I question her ability to understand her own needs. She’s a colleague and her methods work for her. She’s harmed no one (and if her confession made you feel betrayed, I have to ask why, given her explanation for it, you’d take her guarding her identity for financial reasons so personally). I will say this for the record – I’m a girl. I’ve always been a girl. I’ll always be a girl. And I’m not going to let gender get in the way any longer.
To me, that’s how you stop any gender bias in its tracks, or anything that threatens to impact your career. You adopt that kind of “gender may care” attitude. If it’s not an issue to you and you’re projecting that to your clients in the form of confidence and ability, it won’t matter. I’d love to study James’s situation to see if her attitude post-virtual-sex-change changed and maybe that was the difference or if it really was a bias of some sort. Either way, if I refuse to accept that as a fact in my own career; it no longer belongs in my reality.
I’ve been accused of being overly confident when most people would be cautious, so maybe that’s why when I approach contract fee conversations, I state matter-of-factly what my rate is. I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten further into this career, I have less trepidation about putting my rate out there. I will tell you the first few years I could barely ask what the client paid let alone put my own rate up for what I was sure would be ridicule. There’s the difference – the shift in attitude saved my career.
A few weeks ago there was a question on an invoice. I was sure it was going to be a “but we didn’t budget for that” debate. But I thought no, they know my rate. No apologies. No explanations. I responded with the requested info and only the requested info. I heard nothing again. I won’t say it wasn’t a little nerve-wracking waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I didn’t get any argument. Instead, I got a check.
Sure, I worried it behind the scenes, but the client saw my game face. I know what I delivered was worth what I charged because I did the work and gave them something that will benefit their business. When I responded with my short answer, I kept that in mind, not “Dammit, not another person wanting something for nothing!”, which I admit was my knee-jerk reaction.
I think the real danger to us freelancers is accepting as fact any type of stereotypical behavior or biases. It’s only reality if you believe it. The client plays the role of the villain – you play the role of the victim. Stop being a victim. Your clients aren’t villains unless you give them permission to be.
It’s like I’ve said about content mill writing – you get stuck and you think it’s because these sites are killing your chances of finding decent clients. They’re not – you’re using it much the way people use writer’s block (which is hogwash in my opinion) as an excuse to not press forward. These sites leave ripples in our client worlds occasionally, but they are not an influence on good clients who value wordsmithing. They’re a bane that drives down the price temporarily. Luckily, I’ve been seeing the low-price, crap content bubble bursting lately. Amen.
What biases and behaviors have you overcome lately?
As you know, I publish under a variety of names, in both fiction and non-fiction — most female, some male, some ambigious. It never ceases to amaze me how people project onto the name. I am who I am, at the core, no matter what the persona (although voice shifts slightly).
I got my start in theatre working rock and roll crews. I had to be twice as good as any of the guys to get half as much respect — stronger, faster, smarter. And I was. And it helped me with everything else. Once I proved I could do the work, the rest fell away, and I was accepted on professional terms.
I agree- writer's block is b.s. It's a luxury of the unpublished, or those who can rely on someone else's income. Those of us who pay the bills by writing don't have time for it.
I was kind of shocked by the James Chartrand reveal, but I wasn't offended. People who were offended should realize that MANY online personas are not who they appear to be. You don't always know who you're dealing with, even when you've been reading a blogger for a long time and think you "know" them.
I've had plenty of behind-the-scenes "panic" moments myself.
I have a lot of respect for James Chartrand and her situation. I highly respect her for keeping up that disguise, so to speak. (I have no idea how she managed it)I did, however, lose some trust with it. I'm not real sure why, but it almost feels like when you're reading a great book and someone spoils the ending for you. You just don't quite have the same passion for it anymore.
I agree that the net is a huge source of anonymity. With that anonymity comes many biases. I see it myself here and there. It's harder to integrate into blog or forum communities now then it was a few years ago. In some cases, your opinion or statements mean nothing unless you have a website, blog, or some social media tool connected to your name. The level of trust is not there if you can't check that person out and get a feel for who they are.
I visit and comment on several blogs. Some I comment under Wendy S. Johnson and others I'm just simply Wendy. (No links attached the names.) I get a better response when I use just Wendy. I don't know if that's because I come across as being more of a friend coming to chat, than someone trying to push my services or what. I'm not complaining, because I certainly understand the trust issue, but should that make a difference when it comes to my point of view, especially when it was asked for? Bad business decision, yes, but that would be my choice like it was James Chartrand's choice to do what she felt best for her situation.
Sometimes, I see it offline. I'm from SW Mn and we tend to have a thick accent. I go to Ill. to visit my sister and the people in that area don't always take me seriously because of how I talk. We're branded as rednecks and that apparently means we don't have brains. I don't really mind it, because it just gives me leave to have fun with it and watch their faces when they see that I do have a brain. And, I do know how to use it.
As an Illinoisan, I found Wendy's comment interesting. No one I know considers a Minnesotan accent in any way redneck. We might flash back to the movie Fargo, but that's about it.
Almost everyone has preconceived notions of some sort. It's human nature. The key is not caring what others assume you to be. Just be who you are. My grandma taught me that by example, and we grew up without much gender bias.
If you expect a bias, you'll see one, even if it's not really there. Like the friend who gets upset if a guy holds a door open for her. Instead of seeing it for what it is – a polite gesture – she interprets it as insinuating she's incapable of opening the door for herself. (She actually said that!)
In college, I was entering the library and someone was behind me, so I held the door open as I always do when someone is right behind me. The person happened to be in a wheelchair. And they (can't remember if it was a he or she) yelled at me for holding it open. "I don't need your help!" I said, "I was just being polite." As I let go of the door I said, "You're not so special – I would have held it open for anyone."
Devon, that's an interesting observation! I think you're right – at the core, it's the same person. The gender, or the perception of gender, shouldn't make any difference.
Susan, I've seen a few of those bloggers who talk out both sides of their faces. You're so right – you can't always know someone who's busy projecting an opposite image to the real one. We're all multi-faceted, so I think it would be tough to imagine that one facet represents the whole.
Wendy, I think you've just made my argument above. I'm from redneck country (and rather proud of it). I'm also a girl specializing in a male-dominated, technical industry. Want to see heads spin? Watch someone the first time I bust out the risk management talk with my western PA accent while wearing fabulous shoes and makeup. LOL You'd think they were witnessing a small miracle.
"If you expect a bias, you'll see one, even if it's not really there." Exactly, Paula. Even if it's not there, you create the reality.
Love your examples – proof that we create it in our heads sometimes.
For starters, I'm going to confess that I had no idea what the "James Chartrand" reference was–am I the only one in the entire writing community who didn't know the story? Or, is it a story that made the rounds within the womenfolk, but us menfolk (and yes, I'm 100% guy) got left off the mailing list? Hmmm.
To me, the bias that all of us need to overcome on a regular basis is the freelancers-aren't-businesspeople bias. You're right on: Taking a stand on the questioned invoice, and refusing to be a victim, speaks as much to that as it does about any gender issues!
Paula, my sister lives outside of Peoria. That's where I usually run into that problem. Some don't have a problem with it. They just ask me to repeat something they didn't understand, but quite a few jump to the conclusion that I'm I must know Jeff Foxworthy or something.
Lori, I take a different approach. I just throw on my trucker's hat and say, "Get 'er Done" and then go into my spiel based on the conversation I'm having.
Wendy – that's so funny, considering the further south in Illinois you go, the more Southern twang replaces the Midwestern twang. (I'm about as far north in Illinois as you can get without being a Cheesehead.)
Love it that the James Chartrand controversy has already fallen off the scope… I didn't understand the upset either.
Like you, I'm a girl… always have been, always will and I enjoy that… but you ask about giving up a bias…
Years ago I took some Beyond Racism training given through Universal Unitarians… the question that moved me the most was "what, as a white person, is it like to be white?" That shook me and still shakes me and still informs my view of myself and my world.
It's been a journey to see myself as a member of the dominant culture.
Jake, try this:
"http://www.copyblogger.com/james-chartrand-underpants/"James Chartrand And no, it's not a women-only thing – it hit the entire writing community.
Sounds like an eye-opening discussion, Anne. I think it's a super idea to turn things over and examine the bottom sometimes.
Thanks for the link, Lori; I was curious enough to search out the story since I'd obviously missed out on something good! More than anything, my comment was snarking on myself for being ignorant of the goings-on within the writer-community loop–should've added a /sarc tag 🙂
Oh, no worries, Jake. I didn't take it seriously – your tone suggested you were being playful. 🙂