What I’m reading upstairs: Going to Meet the Man by James Baldwin
What’s on the iPod: Halleluia by Rufus Wainwright
Lately my life has taken on some interesting issues – one of which is the seat-of-the-pants method by which others around me live their lives. While I’m a proponent of spontaneity, I am not willing to have my work or my own life altered or put on hold to support said spontaneity. Friend, relatives, even strangers have scheduled things that I’m expected to accommodate during my work days. I get messages akin to “We’ve scheduled someone to be at your home between 8 am and 5 pm.” Or “I’ll be back around 2.” To which I say fine, but what’s that mean to me?
It’s meant to convey this – “You need to drop what you’re doing and accommodate my schedule.” However, I’m a working person. My office happens to be at home. I fill my hours with work, not errands. Friends may have time to just drop in, but rarely do I have time to drop what I’m doing to visit. Family may need errands, but I’m working. If they want to pay me for dry cleaning runs or time out of my day to run deposits to the bank, I’ll work that into my schedule. But I won’t drop what I’m doing because someone needs this NOW. In fact, I refuse most requests to spend my work days doing anything but working. If I take a break and can do it, I will. But if you need something at the store, best to work that into your schedule, not mine.
I’m stingy with my time for a reason – it quickly snowballs out of control. Doing favors is great. I love doing favors. However, I will not neglect my work time in order to do so. I will do favors anytime after my work day is over. Yes, I’m home. Yes, I have a car handy. But no, that doesn’t equal “Lori’s free and can drop whatever she’s doing.”
The only way to build respect for your business is to stand up for it and say no when the request is in direct conflict to your business meeting its goals. This stance has caused no end of friction and argument in my own household, but I’m immovable. I expect the same respect for my job as I give to them for their jobs. I’d no sooner ask anyone at a 9-to-5 to leave that work meeting to drop off a package at the post office than I’d ask them to rebuild a car engine on their lunch break. Yet there are way too many people waiting to wedge that errand crowbar between my work and my time.
We freelancers do have a more flexible schedule. However, that’s not a license to abuse our time. In fact, we have less time because on top of the projects we’re in the middle of, we have to search for more work. We have to do it all – billing, collection, marketing, networking, research, interviewing, transcribing, oh and hey, writing. I’d say someone should be running our errands for a change.
How do you handle requests/demands on your time that are not work-related?
9 responses to “Building Respect”
I am ruthless about my writing time. I am not polite. "NO" means "no" and guilt-tripping doesn't work. If someone persists, they are ex-communicated from my universe — I don't care if they're related or not.
It speaks to the issue of respect — such demands show a lack of respect for my time and what I do. And I won't be around people who don't respect me.
I've told story after story about the needy neighbor. I think it's finally sinking in that "work from home" includes the word "work." Still she doesn't have a clue that I'm still working – or working at finding work – even if I'm not writing. So little by little I'm trying to educate her on what goes into my work. (Hey, if my 6-year old nephew could ask me how I write an article, I think the retiree down the street can learn what goes into getting the assignments.)
Yesterday an ambulance, firetruck and police car were called to a house down the hill from me. The neighbor called. She admitted she didn't know what was going on, but starting spinning theories. I let her know I needed to get back to work. (Apparently it was just a minor injury since the person walked to the ambulance.)
Five minutes later the neighbor called again to say how rudely she was treated by the women who live next door to the place with the emergency and run a family business out of a large garage behind their home. She was shocked and said, "What did I do to be treated like that?"
Um, you barged into their workplace and interrupted their work day. (These women start work at 5 am to fill orders they then haul to cities 100 miles away.)
Her reply: "They're not busy. I don't see how they stay in business."
I told her just because they aren't making actual products doesn't mean they aren't working.
Some people will never understand that running a business involves planning, marketing, sales, distribution, purchasing…and more. So I guess it's up to us to educate them.
The only way to build respect for your business is to stand up for it and say no when the request is in direct conflict to your business meeting its goals.
I realize it may be a bit of an oversimplification, but to me the key word in the sentence above (and in this entire debate, for that matter) is "respect."
You don't have to understand what my job entails, & you don't have to appreciate the time & effort I invest in my work, but you need to respect the fact that *I* value my job, my career & my time.
Consistent & persistent infringements upon my worktime aren't disrespectful to my work — they're disrespectful to me. And whether you're a client or a friend, continued disrespect such as this is the quickest path to adding a "former" before those two titles.
That said, as you allude to in this post, all of this has to start with us. When we respect ourselves, our craft & our careers, making the necssary "corrections" to the assumptions of others becomes much, much easier …
Unfortunately there are people close to me that think that because I work from my home office it means that I'm laying around doing nothing and have all the time in the world to help them out.
And I really hate people that interrupt my work by saying "I just need you for a couple of minutes to help with…" They can't get it in their heads that I can't just stop what I'm doing, help them and easily slip back into what I was working on. It disrupts my train of thought and it takes awhile to get it back.
I usually just tell the person that I'm working and if I have time, I will help them later. Unless it's an emergency, but that rarely happens. Hubby is good for setting up plumbing repair or whatever without consulting me, until the last minute. When I tell him that I have to work he usually just says, "You can work while they're here." Yeah right, you mean while they're banging around and the dog is barking his head off because a stranger is in the house? Sure, no problem.
RE: the above posts, which are all great — hugh and I are totally on the same page about respect — we will not tolerate being treated disrespectfully. To disrespect my work/my time is to disrespect ME and I don't want people like that in my life. Buh-bye.
Re: getting interrupted by telephone. I don't answer the phone EVER. I screen ALL my calls. And, during writing time, I turn the ringers on both landline and cell OFF. I check in for messages twice a day and return calls, but I will not be interrupted. It is in my contract. Nor do I answer the phone unless I'm expecting a delivery.
I'm working. Do not interrupt me. I will not be nice. Because if you do, trust me, you will be carrying the scars long enough to never do it again.
Devon, precisely. You respect me or you lose a limb. I'm also a loud proponent of my business – they usually learn the first time not to bother me again. Like you, I screen calls. I'll answer IF I have time, not because it rings. It frustrates those in the house, but I don't care. It's like Wendy said, you can't just drop what you're doing and pick it right back up with writing.
Paula, you have told about her. I would mention to her in these "teaching moments" that she would have to run a business herself in order to understand how even the smallest interruption can set you back hours if not days. It may be like talking to a wall, but you'll get it off your chest. I had an incident yesterday in which I had to straighten someone out. I did it calmly, but the words I used were intentionally chosen to have maximum impact (always writing even when I'm talking!). It hit the mark and will probably halt all future comments about that topic, but I don't think it will change anyone's mind. I don't care. Just stop pestering me.
That's it exactly, Hugh. Beautifully said.
Wendy, I have an example of the "work while they're here" that was hellish. Cable guys. They were supposed to be here a total of one hour. Try four. And as I'm working they're SHOUTING across the house to each other – one in the basement, the other right behind me. I asked him to keep it down. He did. He only shouted three more times. The bastard! Worse was when he cornered my husband in the next room (literally five steps away) and told him his life story – loudly. I did ask him again to move it outside. My husband corraled him to the front porch, thank God. And yes, I had a phone interview during all that.
When the neighbor called me yesterday (after business hours, thank goodness) to complain again about the women who were so rude to her, I went into Self-employment 101 lecture mode. I told her that running a business is more than writing the article or making a product. It's planning, ordering supplies, finding new customers, and even distributing. There are bills, taxes, marketing…. I described how actually writing an article is only a fraction of completing an assignment. Then I said, "So even if you didn't think they looked busy, they were still working, and you interrupted them."
To my utter amazement, she didn't argue back.
Next lesson: People who work from home typically perform more job functions that a full-time employee. We are not sitting here biding time hoping people will send us money. We're busy earning it.
No, but I bet she bitched to whomever she visited next. She doesn't get it, but you told her why she needs to respect the self-employed person. Good for you.
Keep teaching her, girl! She'll either get it or avoid your lessons. Either way, you win! LOL
these are funny! where do you find these people? I must not be very friendly, no one ever bugs me 🙁