What’s on the iPod: Murray by Pete Yorn
Remember when you were taught to use a 50-cent word in place of a five-dollar one? In plenty of projects I handle and Internet postings I read, I see a multitude of sins against this piece of advice. So for the record, let’s just get it all out in the open.
Stop the overuse of bad business terms. These include:
– Core competencies
– Value proposition
– Matrixed environment
– Value-added services
And please, stop using the above terms on your resume. Seriously.
Understand the meaning of what you’re saying. This week’s examples of how it’s done wrong:
– Seasoned professional (Paprika? Hot sauce?)
– “We’re protruding into these new technology spaces.” (Does that hurt much?)
– “Project managed for the establishment of development of projects” (Huh?)
– “I’m willing to self-relocate.” (That saves us from moving you forcibly.)
Don’t rewrite it just because you can. So much time is wasted on revisions that swap around verbs, change up adjectives, and piss around with sentences to the point where the meaning goes missing.
– “I incentivize employees to propel past their goals.” (I’m not even sure that’s physically possible)
– “Homeless man under house arrest” (actual newspaper headline)
– “A non-double negative doesn’t occur when no two forms of non-negation aren’t not used in no not-same sentence.”
Simplify it, stupid. I know – it’s “Keep it simple, stupid” but we’re simplifying here. If you write sentences that could rival a William Faulkner paragraph, you’ve lost me. I love Faulkner, but he knew how to do it. You don’t.
– “Our fully functional, robust end-to-end user-friendly platform offers comprehensive scalability that, partnered with our revolutionary vendor management solutions, propels your business to the next level.” (And what does it DO exactly?)
– “XXXXX-X is a preclinical stage biopharmaceutical company with a broadly applicable, proprietary simple platform.” (Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I understand what you do.)
– “The simple platform enjoys an independent, unencumbered patent position and is free of target gatekeeping restrictions.” (Can a platform enjoy? Really?)
Love it, Lori! The tagline for my blog is Keep it simple, clear & uniquely yours. So, it's no small wonder that I agree with the sentiment here.
I worked 30+ years in the health care/employee benefits arena where often I helped clients translate insurance or benefit legislation. Talk about complicating things! Just try reading the health reform law. :-p
I have! Luckily, I speak "healthcare geek" so it wasn't too tough. 🙂
I used to wonder whether I just didn't "get it" when I read confusing jargon like that. But most of the time, I think the writer is just trying to sound smart, which unfortunately falls flat when the reader has no idea what's being communicated.
To those who think big words make them sound more educated: Don't use them unless you know exactly what you're doing. At least 99 percent of the time, you're doing it wrong and you just sound dumb.
Happy Friday!
And in honor of doing things wrong, something to brighten your day:
http://lolcatz.net/443/ham-yor-doin-it-wrong/
My theory is that buzzwords, corporate jargon, and legalese are merely tricks to intentionally confuse, befuddle and intimidate the masses. If legal contracts were written in clear, simple language there would be far fewer lawsuits because people could easily understand the details.
After all, "1 + 2 = 3" is much clearer than "The sum resultant from the combination of the lowest prime number and a figure that is double its value shall be the same as triple the value of said lowest prime number."
There's a reason 99% of people loathed word problems in math: They make no sense. I don't know about you, but even as a kid I wanted to edit them instead of doing the math. (Now I'm wondering – is 1 the lowest prime number?)
I think I also just proved Ashley's point above. Using big words and complicated language can make you look really stupid.
A couple months ago I interviewed someone who misused so many multisyllabic words that I had to force myself not to laugh. The enduring image I'll have of him is: Nice, not-so-bright guy trying way too hard to impress people that he's more than just a pretty face.
In keeping with the keep-it-simple theme of today's post, here's the briefest contribution I could come up with:
* "Price point"
* AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH!
That is all 🙂
Ashley, I think they use jargon to make a wheel sound more like a "comprehensive, all-natural elastomer rotational transportation solution that eases conveyance of multi-aged descendants to a wide array of recreational activiites."
Thanks for the LOLCat. LOVE those. 🙂
Paula, you cracked me up and confused me in the same breath. Not many can do that!
Price point?? Oh gawd, Hugh, I HATE that one.
Ha, ha – I agree completely. That said, I'd probably be out of work – and certainly wouldn't have a blog – if people didn't keep committing these crimes against English.
Surprisingly, nobody ever talks about "incompetencies". And what business claims to offer a service that doesn't add value?
Here's one for your "understand the meaning of what you're saying" list: I have a client who says "alas" when she means "at last"…
In the 70s I saw a poster with Snoopy making a comment that went: "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit"
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