I’m just back from western PA where I spent a weekend among the kilted. It never ceases to amaze me how heritage, hobby, or one commonality can bring people from such disparate backgrounds together under one banner. In this case, it was the MacBean banner (for him). I met a distant relative (a Leslie) who knows my family quite well. And the Highland Games themselves were wonderful. The setting – an amusement park in the Laurel Highlands – was perfect. After 50 years, the organizers have perfected a great time.
The Urban Muse Susan Johnston posed an intriguing question last week: How do you find freelance mentors? Much like folks in kilts hanging out with other folks in kilts, writers looking for guidance often find themselves connecting with one or more writers who offer not just advice, but guidance and moral support. Sometimes it’s a conscious search, but more often it’s accidental and unconscious.
What makes a good mentor?
Someone who listens. If you’re posing questions of a writer on a blog or in email and you’re getting no response, that’s a dead end. Move on. Find someone who has time or inclination to help you. Not all writers are comfortable being a mentor or offering advice beyond the cursory blog fare.
Someone who has the expertise you’re looking for. I was fortunate enough to have three or four writers in my life with varying backgrounds. Each one offered exceptional advice in their areas of expertise, which helped me avoid career mistakes and build a stronger career from the outset.
Someone who supports. A mentor should care. That’s not to say they should be dropping everything each time you contact them – they have careers and lives, too. But someone who asks how you’re doing, asks how the career is going and generally engages you beyond just answering your questions is a relationship you want to nurture.
Someone who isn’t afraid to give criticism. Let me rephrase – someone who is willing to tell you what career mistakes you may be making and who will follow that with advice on how to fix those mistakes. That’s not a license for someone to thrash you verbally or attack your character. And you have to be ready to take that criticism. If you’re running to a mentor just to get positive reinforcement, you’re missing the point.
What are the qualities you look for in a mentor? Do you have a mentor or mentors? What’s the most valuable thing you’ve gotten out of a mentor/mentee relationship?
5 responses to “Me and My Shadow”
Someone who helps you find your own way. They support, but do not tell you, "Do it this way."
Someone who shares your successes and failures.
While I've had plenty of compatriots to commiserate with, and a few editors who've given a good tip or two over the years, I've never had a mentor.
That said, I've served as an unofficial mentor to a handful of writers. The interesting thing is offering advice and constructive criticism to others really inspires me to follow some of my own advice.
I was able to help one of these writers after he joined LinkedIn. He'd been writing a blog for a local newspaper, and when he asked the editor for a recommendation, she included the unnecessary fact that it was unpaid. When I saw it I suggested he ask her to edit that out, since it made both of them look bad. She changed it. (Yes, I reminded him they were taking advantage of him.)
A good mentor is all the things mentioned in the post and in comments. But, it's important to note that getting a mentor is not a guarantee to finding jobs. They're not there to hand you work. They'll guide you in the right directions and cheer you on, but they'll expect you to have enough drive to do something with the tips and advice given. Otherwise, you're wasting their time and yours.
Also, a good mentor doesn't take on too many mentees at one time. (unless some of them are in later stages) A Mentor needs to be able to put their focus on the allotted time spent with their mentee.
I helped create a mentoring program for new mentors in a particular company. I evaluated one new mentor, who was observed taking a cell phone call (to talk to someone else about a movie they saw the previous night) in the middle of a mentoring session. Then they tried to finish the mentoring session while still talking on the cell phone. I was having none of that.
If you're allotted a specific time frame to talk with a mentor, (like a half-hour session on the phone or a certain number of emails)then you have the right to have their attention during that time. Of course, emergencies are different.
A good mentor/mentee relationship works when there's give and take from both sides.
I've never had an official mentor, nor served as one, but looking back on my career, both types of relationship are evident in retrospect. I've often wondered if women are more comfortable with the concept of formalizing a mentor/mentee relationship, whereas guys just "let it happen."
And I agree 100% with Paula about how teaching something reinforces your understanding and appreciation of it. Same thing with coaching a sport.
There's a good one, Cathy! Sharing successes and failures. That's a good mentor.
Paula, I'd have him edit that out, too. Ridiculous.
Wendy, excellent point. Mentors give advice – they don't do the work for you. And ANYONE who pulls out a cell phone in the middle of another conversation is just plain rude.
Jake, I suspect we are more comfortable formalizing things, but I have to say my mentor relationships were more of the variety you mention. I wasn't sure I had a mentor, but in retrospect I found several.
I think it's particularly important for beginning writers to filter through people who are willing/able to give advice, not just anyone with a weblog.