Thank you, Devon. Very thoughtful comments.

It is very much indeed a choice. I’ve seen patterns of behavior over the years in the ones who are clearly racist. They’re the quickest to judge ANYONE in any situation. They tend to insult as a joke. They’re the first to say, “Get over it” when their own behavior is unacceptable to someone else. They’re the ones who tell the off-color jokes that put down another demographic or three. And I’m not going out on a limb to observe that a lot of these same people did indeed vote for Trump (from personal experience only). He talks the way they’ve always wanted to talk. Basically, he took the muzzles off.

And they are the ones who bitch about not being able to say anything that would offend while at the same time bitching because they were offended. Double standards run pretty rampant.

I tend to live and let live. What I won’t do is tolerate racism or the diminishing of anyone at the hands of people who don’t show any regard for anyone other than their own circle. I’ve called out quite a few who post “jokes” that are racist and antisemitic. I’ve told people directly why I’m no longer interested in being in their orbit. And the level of ignorance displayed in some of their responses was astounding. One person actually said, “I can look beyond the racism and just enjoy the joke.” You cannot tell someone that thick that when racism IS the joke, it’s not funny on any level.

Another comment: I do think we have to be careful with this “racists are really good people who don’t know better” fairy tale. In some cases, such as the case of Paula’s neighbor, perhaps it is true. But I have yet to meet a racist who wasn’t also a vile human being in other areas of their lives. Often, it is a choice that makes them feel good about themselves as superior and powerful. I don’t agree with coddling them and giving them a pass for “not knowing better.”

My mother had never met or even seen a black person until World War II, when she metblack American soldiers after escaping from Russian prison camp. She didn’t assume they were inferior. She wasn’t frightened of them because of skin color (although she was wary, because it was American soldiers — and a white commanding officer — who initally turned the group of people she traveled with over to the Russians and were the reaosn she was in prison camp to begin with). She was interested in them as fellow human beings with different experiences.

Racism doesn’t have to be a default. More often, it’s a choice.

I’m relieved that there’s more diversity here than in my last location. I regularly challenged, in the previous location, white people for racist remarks, especially to staff in stores, restaurants, and libraries. I gave a colleague from the artist networking group a ride home one day and was pulled over by the cops and asked why I had “that kind” of man in my car (it was a black man), and did I need help.

Let me point out that the regular harrassement I received at that last location, attempts to run me off the road repeatedly, and where I filed multiple police reports, were only done by white men with Trump flags/stickers on their vehicles.

There was also, every spring, the spate of editorials in the newspapers about the need to “hide” the homeless or “transport them” somewhere else, so they “wouldn’t upset the tourists.” Most of the homeless in that area where Brazilian or Indigionous or Cape Verdean. Also, in that area, only 2% of the population is black, so there was a LOT of racism. Every day. In stores, in restaurants, at the library where I worked for two years, in the nonprofits that were supposed to combat it, in the churches, at the resorts. . .it was disgusting. And, since the 2016 election, it got exponentially worse. Whenever I wrote counter letters to the editors, asking why weren’t solutions being created to solve the problem of homelessness (and then listing several actionable steps on both personal and political levels), rather than trying to hide them so as not to upset the tourists, the editors deemed those letters “inappropriate” for publication. I brought it up with my State Senatar, and we did some work on the issue, but the general consensus among the housed population there is that the homeless “must have done something to deserve it.”

A former boss was constantly making comments, using ALL the quotes you have above, but, you know, “wasn’t a racist” because she had a black employee. I said, “If you’re not a racist, then don’t make racist comments. It’s not hard.”

I’m watching for it where I live now (because it must exist, it exists everywhere). I hope it’s not as bad as at The Previous Location. I never feel like I’m doing enough. Thank goodness for Sharon’s work; it teaches me constantly, and helps me strive to do better, both personally and professionally.

I’m so sick and tired of the worst people getting away with it all the time.

That’s a great story of transformation, Paula. I’m glad she found that people are good and that preconceived prejudices are stupid.

I’ve often thought that people convicted of hate crimes or discrimination should be ordered to work and/or live in the communities they are doing harm to. Ignorance isn’t blotted out with words, but with experience and understanding.

We all agree on the like/love button. 🙂

A former neighbor of mine was raised with a racist, bigoted “us/them” mentality. The only thing that ever got her to think beyond her own preconceived ideas was reframing things and asking her how she would feel, react, or behave in similar circumstances. She didn’t take well to hearing facts or lectures, so empathy was the only approach that worked. Nearly every conversation I had with her included a bit of reframing, but she eventually befriended neighbors from India (who she was suspicious of when they first moved in because she couldn’t tell “what” they were), became the go-to babysitter for an interracial couple who lived next door to her, and even got to know our Cuban, Mexican, Black, and Jewish neighbors as well as the white ones. Her life was all the richer for it, too.

I was looking for a like/love button for the replies, too, Lori!

My efforts pale in comparison to yours, Sharon. But every little bit is a step in the right direction. 🙂

Posts like this one are why I wish there was a “love” button on WordPress. Thank you, Cathy. Couldn’t have said it any better. 🙂

P.S. Sharon, your gift shines.