This post is about entitlement.
It’s also about the big mistake some writers are making while thinking they’re entitled to something.
I saw an exchange on a forum I frequent that made me wonder about a lot of things, but mostly about how some writers must truly love shooting themselves in the foot.
Here’s how it went:
The writer, who has posted several times in the past, was asking another question that seemed like it had been answered a few times already. (Some people do not read responses, which means I no longer care to comment or help.)
There was an interview for a gig with a new client. It didn’t work out.
The writer wanted to know how to ask for feedback. Okay, that’s a great exercise for anyone, so I applaud her thinking.
Then she spoiled it in the next sentence. Upon not getting feedback after a few days, she said she was upset with the person she’d contacted for not getting back in touch. Almost angry over it.
News flash to anyone who ever gets the same sense of a non-client owing you something:
[bctt tweet=” You, #freelancewriting human, are not owed explanations by nonclients. ” username=”LoriWidmer”]
You can ask, but no one who hasn’t hired you owes you a single thing. Frankly, I believe the only things any client may owe you are a check and a modicum of respect.
Writing chum Peter Bowerman had a great post about what writers “deserve” on this blog a while back. His point was writers don’t deserve to be paid more simply because they’re calling themselves writers.
The same goes for expectations from people you’re negotiating with. You, freelance writer, haven’t earned the right to demand detailed explanations from busy people.
Let’s try removing the writer from the equation. Imagine this scenario:
You contact three kitchen remodeling companies for estimates. After they present their options and pricing, you choose one.
The other two contact you, but you say you went with someone else.
“May I ask why?” they both ask.
So you give your reasons — options you prefer, pricing that was within your budget.
But one of those companies isn’t quite satisfied with that.
“Could you tell us specifically why you didn’t hire us? What are the exact reasons other than what you stated?”
You’re feeling a bit uncomfortable, so you don’t respond. It’s starting to feel weird.
But the emails keep coming. “Not sure if you got our last two messages, but we’d really like to have the chance to convince you we can do the job.”
There goes their Yelp review, right?
Another email, only this one sounds different. “We don’t understand why you don’t seem to want to help us improve. It’s really not very thoughtful, but we wish you the best.”
And now their Angie’s List review is DOA.
Now let’s insert a client who’s hiring a writer and a writer into that exchange.
That’s how some freelance writers are killing their careers.
These are permanent scars they’re leaving, too. If you tell an online audience that you’re ticked off that the prospective client didn’t have the courtesy to give you point-by-point feedback, congratulations. You’ve just told anyone who can access your online account that you’re difficult to work with.
You’ve also indicated that you think you’re entitled to their time without proof of why that is.
Thankfully, there’s an easy fix:
Stop expecting white-glove treatment.
No one owes you a career, an explanation, a living, any respect. You earn those. Yourself.
So what do you do when you’ve asked for feedback and get none?
Move on.
Drop it and move the hell on already. Life is short. That client didn’t work out. Find another. Examine your own side of the equation. It could be there was someone with just a smidgen more experience. Or it could be that the guy who was hiring had a nasty ex who shared your same name. Or that someone internally was getting the job anyway and they had to interview to keep the HR department happy.
It doesn’t matter. That wasn’t your client.
Can you be upset? Ticked off? Sure. Privately or, if you need to spout off, in email to a trusted friend.
What you can’t do, shouldn’t ever do, is require something of someone who hasn’t hired you.
Writers, what other lethal mistakes are you seeing people committing?
How have you handled rejection?