Love the What I'd Like to Say approach. Isn't it amazing how loud our inner voice can be? 😉

And your last point is pure poetry. I also like to think I grew up some. 🙂 That change in my relationship with my supervisor was a real life-changer.

Thanks for your insight, Peter.

When dealing with problem clients (which, thankfully, I have few of, by virtue of good radar…), I just make a conscious effort to create two personalities – the “What I’d Like to Say” and of course, the “What I Do Say.” The first, I just let ‘er rip, to myself, though perhaps quite loudly, and I’ll give them both barrels. For about a minute. Just doing that makes me feel better, so I can be the very picture of diplomacy when we actually talk. 😉

And I liked your story, Cathy, about having the epiphany with your supervisor, and how once you stopped trying to fight her, the relationship changed completely. I’ve had that experience many times in life, both personally and professionally. It’s one of the great life lessons, in fact…

When you stop fighting someone and accept them for who they are (not just out loud, but in actuality, because they’ll still feel your hostility even if you’re just thinking it!) is the moment they can stop defending themselves (which is usually all it is) and start looking at where they’re out of line. As long as they’re being attacked, it’ll never happen. Put another way, if you want someone to change, then give them the space to change by fully accepting them, and that’ll direct their energy away from defense and into introspection.

PB

Of course, a while back I said I'd taken ibuprofen for something. She "corrected" me ("It's iDUprofen"), so I didn't hold back. "There's no 'd' in ibuprofen. I-B-U. Not I-D-U. Read the darn label." Boy, did that feel good!

Jake – great example. What I always ask myself is What makes me right and them wrong? Other than I'm perfect.
🙂 What I used to tell employees (and now clients) is there is no right or wrong, just different. Vive le difference! 😉

Paula- I had a very bad habit of talking over people. My mind would race with ideas, they would just spew out. I worked real hard at changing that. I have the occasional slip, but am happy to say by becoming so aware of it, I have been able to improve.

I remember a supervisor who had the same always right attitude. We butted heads terribly. Then one day I had an epiphany and decided it was up to me to rise above. I struggled to find a balance between being true to myself and not kissing butt. I found there actually were some things I could compliment her on that were not falsehoods. The change in our relationship was unbelievable.

Lori-the pleasure was all mine. 🙂

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments!

Thanks again for the post, toots. I love having you here!

One trait that annoys me, but is common when dealing with upper-level professionals, is the know-it-all. They have to be the smartest person to the point where they're right even when everyone else knows (and can prove) they're wrong. A very good friend of mine is like that and I keep trying to show her it's a sign of strength to be able to admit when you're wrong or simply don't have the answer. But of course, I have to be wrong since she's always right.

Clients are subtly different in many respects: Editor A likes weekly progress reports, Editor B just wants the finished story thankyouverymuch. Editor A wants you to adhere closely to the assignment, Editor B wants you to find the most interesting angle within the assignment parameters.

I was always Editor B; but I recognize, respect and adhere to Editor A's workstyle.