I've learned to move it to paper. I'd heard such horror stories that I figured having a written account somewhere was a good idea.

And I live every day with sealed lips on many of those same issues you describe. I can't tell you how much I abhor politics-oops, I said that word. 😉

Only once did the phone make it worse for me, and that was with the client who was intent on NOT paying me. His motivation was to hang all sorts of ills on my shoulders, use guilt, etc. to avoid that bill. That's when I wisely moved it back to email. That paper trail saved my butt.

Paula, so very true. I will not engage. I don't defend myself either unless it's so offensive that it can't be overlooked. I know someone who insists on pointing out things I do that she thinks are ridiculous. I know it's some really bizarre form of jealousy – she's openly said so on occasion. I can't – and won't – be party to her demons.

Your last point is crucial, Lori. The main reason most people get argumentative and nasty is to get you riled up enough that they drag you down to their playground so they can kick sand in your eyes. Guess what? If you don't allow yourself to be lured down, the sand can't hurt you.

The one thing bullies hate most of all is when their tactics don't work. They don't know how to react to a smile – or laughter.

The older I get, the more I focus on the amount of energy it takes to engage in verbal warfare. If I figure it's too much wasted energy, I employ your last tactic.

When it comes to clients, that's a different story. One of the simplest, most effective solutions I have found to diffuse an escalating problem is to pick up the phone. Fortunately, I have not had too many occasions where I could sense the emotions getting worked up. But, when I have and I picked up the phone and calmly (as you note, Lori-taken the emotion out of it), it has totally calmed things down.