Now, he only wants female doctors!

I also prefer working for a male boss rather than a female boss, because often I would have to do the "dance" to say what clearly needs to be said but I can't say it directly to a woman. It could be the particular woman rather than women in general though, because I find I get along equally well with my female clients vs. my male clients. Often it's just a matter of tone in text versus tone in person or on the phone. I find that misunderstandings are resolved much more quickly when people just talk to each other! (maybe that was the problem with that old boss who always communicated difficult messages by email …)

Paula, I wasn't sure. I was sure you had been at it longer. Don't know why I assumed it was you. I've seen similar conversations, too. If you watch BBC, you'll see how men can engage in that same communication behavior (I GET British men!). I've had someone say something to me that seems innocuous to the husband, but I know a slight when I hear it!

Jake, I have to agree. I'd much rather we're able to work together than what gender they happen to be. I've had as much trouble with men as women at times, so it's more about their personal communication style.

"…letting the toddlers tire themselves out." I'm totally stealing that line. 🙂

By nature I'm direct, but I'll play along with the waffle game for a while as long as it's not decreasing my profitability. Back in my corporate days, working with indecisive clients with whom I had no choice, I used to mentally think of it as hanging back and letting the toddlers tire themselves out.

That said, on the interpersonal level, over the past month I've noticed that women (in my family at least) tend to read more into what's been said that might actually be there. I'm guilty of it. The catch is, I usually read positive things into others' comments, but some people read negatives into my comments. Not sure why that is.

In one case it led to a family member defending her decision by telling me she made it based on what I'd supposedly told her. She swears I said something that is entirely contrary to what I would ever say – think of how out-of-character it would be for a vegetarian to order a steak, and you've got it. I know I never said what she swears I said, unless it was with obvious sarcasm. She said I wasn't being sarcastic. I said I was sorry if I'd said something that led her to infer the wrong thing – I was trying to give her a graceful way of admitting she might be wrong. She maintained that she didn't infer the wrong thing, that I actually had said what I know I didn't say. The weird thing was it was over such a minor non-issue that it doesn't even matter now that I've made my real position clear. (The funny part, someone else in on this exchange told me, "Ah – she was probably drinking and heard what she wanted to hear.")

On a different topic, I had an interesting discussion with an agent yesterday which convinced me that I'm on the right track with both the way I approach my writing and how I've structured the year long class. If they can't hack it, yep, get out.

I'll land other work (pain in the butt, but I can do it).

I like your point about putting it into a script if you have to. For me, if you're having troubles in person, send it to email, and vice versa if the phone call isn't working. Sometimes you just need to hit on the right form of communication.

Anon (Paula?), I suspect that one female was just unwilling to pay. I don't think it's a huge generalization – I think women enjoy being in calm waters and don't enjoy ripples or waves so much. My own experience with my husband is proof – the things that are said by others that work me into a froth barely get his attention.

Why do you think that is, Amelia? You seem like someone who would assert kindly and without reservation. And I'm with you on what happens in healthcare – I saw the same thing. Then again, I worked in an office of all women and one man (not a manager). Worst working experience of my life.

I worked for 10 years in the healthcare field, a place where it seemed like women dominated. I saw that same thing there all the time. And any woman who was direct and asked for what she wanted was labeled a bitch. It's a problem.