WAHM used to be a nice supportive community for people to connect with each other. But, I started to see a new trend. Affiliate Marketers have figured out that there's a way to use this to make loads of money. Unfortunately, that's where the marketing comes into play.

This cult, as I like to put it, has gotten so out of hand it's not even funny. There's nothing I hate more than asking someone what they do for a living and their reply is, "I'm a work at home mom".(Is that a new type of job?) Then there are those who state, "I'm proud of being a work at home mom!" Really? I'm proud of being a mom and proud of being a writer-period. The fact that I work from a home office means nothing.

Gabriella, it’s neat to know my logic is on the right track. :o) Funny about the AA case, too!

Lori, it also seems the WAHMs have finally discovered your post. I also think Donna and Nicola have missed the point. It’s not about pretending your not a mom — I agree totally that family needs to be a more accepted reality in the workplace, rather than expecting people to pretend they are married to their job. However, I also think there is a big difference between fair and accepting, and marketing yourself as a mother. You can create an organization and do business with one another with that understanding that family is okay, WITHOUT marketing yourself to the rest of the world as a WAHM. The latter seems overly defensive, if you ask me.

Being a business owner, who also happens to be a mom, who also happens to have her office in her home, who also happens to work with women who are business leaders and owners and moms…here’s my thoughts…

I do think that those who define themselves as s WAHM do so because they are primarily doing their work while also doing motherhood…often trying to do both at the same time.

One of the key things that I stress to the clients I work with who do work out of their homes is that they MUST designate some time when they are 100% focused on their business. So many are not. They truly are trying to juggle motherhood and work always…all at the same time. You end up feeling not fully present or productive in either.

If you really want to be taken seriously, get paid what you want, build a referral base, then it’s important to create some boundaries around your personal life and professional life. I am all for “blending” the two–that’s what I help women do everyday–but the idea is to structure it in a way that allows you to feel present and productive, as much as you can, in each area.

I think that women who choose to designate themselves as WAHM’s are helping to revolutionize work life. For years men have separated work and home life often to the detriment of their family life and their wholeness as human beings — which has in some ways contributed to dehumanizing the work place. I am happy to see more and more men mention their families in interviews (I’m a recruiter) and it always makes me think they are more whole and real.

I believe that people who designate themselves as WAHM’s may be making it clear that they are integrating family and work, and if they do this successfully then it will open more doors of opportunity and creative structuring of work life in the long run. I believe that it is courageous and bold. So much of the marketplace has been shaped by men. I think men are great but their domination of the marketplace is in part of what has shaped it and its dehumanizing elements.

Perhaps it is time to reinvent the marketplace and these WAHM’s are just one of the sources of this change — creating more freedom for men as well to embrace more fully their multiple roles and become less fragmented as human beings.

I have clients who place a high priority on work/life balance. If a candidate brings up family in the interview, this is a sign to me that they may fit within a particular client’s culture. It is smart for a candidate to bring this up because if this is going to be a know-out factor, its good to it out of the way up front.

If the interviewer rules someone out because he/she mentions family, this says much more about the interviewer than the person. Also, what is the value system that the interviewer has bought into?

Katharine, I totally agree with you. The practice is for crap – you can’t reject someone offhand for it, but they do. And it sucks. I love that you’ve brought all this up, though. Gabriella’s taught us something here!

Gabriella, I didn’t know about the AA suit. It rings a bell, but perhaps at that time there was a lot of that going on. I remember a radio station in Pittsburgh being sued because one of their DJs – a woman – complained about the way her two male counterparts taunted her on the air. The station did nothing, and I was listening the next day as they taunted her over the airwaves – “You forgot your medication!” They paid. Big time. And they both lost their jobs, but it took a public outcry like nobody’s business for that to happen.

Back on topic, I’ve felt for a while that designating oneself in any dual role – WAHDs included – effectively splits your abilities in half, creates a dual focus, and puts doubt in the mind of the client that this person fits. It’s the fit part. Like Melissa said earlier, she never felt welcome to the WAHM party. Imagine that same feeling in a client approaching your website.

Katharine, you’re good. Now you’re making a disparate impact claim, which has a better chance of winning. What you’re essentially saying is that if you create rules that look gender neutral, but their impact is far greater on one gender, the rules are the same as if you’d just had a rule affecting one gender.

Lori, funny you mention that it was Arthur Anderson that had the rule about men/women and families. Arthur Anderson was the subject of one of the earliest gender discrimination suits. The woman wasn’t “one of the guys” and didn’t make partner. The guys thought she was a little unattractive and essentially a bee-yotch. She sued, and won.

Karma, baby!

Gabriella and Katharine, thanks for a lively discussion! And thanks for giving us some clarity on that issue, Gabriella. Much appreciated.

I worked at a restaurant once where the boss was interviewing for an open position. A woman came in with all the skills. She didn’t get the job. Moreover, he rejected her the minute she walked out, and wrote this on her application: “Fat slob.” One of the assistants destroyed the application. But Gabriella, isn’t it true that there are no laws protecting a person of size in the workplace?

The boss was eventually fired. Gee – wonder why? And I held little respect for the assistant for covering for him like that.