Free Advice Friday: This Job, Not That Job

Whew! We made it! Another Writers Worth Month in the books.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to probably the best Writers Worth Month we’ve ever had. That includes everyone who commented, shared, lurked. You made this happen, and you made this special.

This was the 10th anniversary. It was also the last one.

I’m not sure where Writers Worth is going, but I can tell you it won’t go away completely. When I started this ten years ago, I had no idea how much it would grow and how much my business would grow.

Unfortunately, that growth has collided and made May a month I’ve come to loathe thanks to the overload of work in both areas.

And I want to like May again.

So my initial thought is to carry Writers Worth forward with monthly posts and guest posts, and to continue the chats on a quarterly basis. Just enough to be able to handle it. Just enough so that you’re not over it entirely.

Still hashing it all out in my head, but that’s where I am today, the day after what’s become my longest month every year.

—

Today is also my dad’s birthday. It’s a year of firsts —

The first without him.

The first birthday since he died.

The first Father’s Day coming.

As my mom and I were cleaning out papers back in March, I found the Father’s Day card I’d sent him last year. He’d tucked it away in his file folder.

It was the only one he’d saved. Ever.

It was a mushy one because I saw the decline and I didn’t want to go without telling him how I felt. He knew already, but you never regret the words you repeat, just the ones you fail to say. My dad wasn’t a mushy-card kind of person. But we both felt that clock ticking.

That he saved it when all the others (except for the ones we’d made as kids) were thrown out — that I carry with me inside every day, especially today.

—

What I won’t carry with me, however, is the tolerance for bullshit writing “jobs.” This one is no exception. Without further adieu and kafuffle, I give you the next installment of This Job, Not That Job. Thank you to Jenn Mattern for this find.

The “offer”:

We need awesome [specialty mentioned here] writers ASAP. Experience isn’t a deal killer necessarily. However, your content samples should be long (2k+ words), in-depth (10+ stats per article) and instructive (original screenshots).

Why work with us?

1. 1. We work with the best clients in the industry. Seriously. And if they aren’t, we’ll fire them. ? Because life’s too short to do soul-sucking work with soul-sucking people. We want to produce the best content imaginable for the best sites and the best people in the space. The plus side is that you get access to smart, low maintenance clients that’ll blow up that portfolio.
   2. You will become a MUCH better writer in a very short amount of time. Why? Because you’ll write and write and write. We’ll give you the tools, support, training, and feedback to learn how to write more in less time. You’ll go from one article in eight hours to one in four. You do the math on that hourly rate.
   3. You’ll have the freedom of being a freelance writer, like unlimited vacation, work your own hours, work with top-tier clients, eventually getting handed your own top-tier bylines, etc. Except, you won’t have to deal with all the headaches, like email, meetings, client management, billing, self-promotion, and more.

….

Why you shouldn’t work with us?

1. If you’re a ‘writer’ who doesn’t like to write, this position won’t work well for you. The good news is that we’ll strip away all of the other BS that distracts you from writing. But on the flip side, we expect ~8 long-form articles each week on average for full-time people. Typically, that means you’re putting in a solid 6-8 hours a day (half is usually research, the other half writing)…
2. You’ll write a lot, sure. But to be honest, most of that time should be spent researching. Because there’s a huge difference in writing about truck tires for a generic audience and writing about Facebook ads to an audience of Facebook advertising experts. So you can’t just make $#!^ up. You’ll need to leverage examples, quotes, stats, and screenshots to justify your claims. We’ll show you how to find all of these things, faster and easier, so that your actual time spent writing drops like a rock…
3. No, we won’t pay you $500+ per post. For a number of reasons, but mostly, you won’t be worth $500+ per post in the early goings. (Harsh, I know.) But we can pay you $5k per month if you’re good. And lots more, as you begin mastering client style guides, requiring less oversight from our team of editors. We don’t care if you’re 19 or 59. We want quality and will give you all the work and money available if you can deliver it.
4. We’re process-based. That means we have resources and checklists we want you to follow so that you can increase consistency and cut down on the time it takes to create an article. ‘Creatives’ might not like this disciplined approach. But we guarantee your ability to produce high-quality content will skyrocket within the first few months…..

On the surface, you’re thinking this looks pretty good, right? Frankly, they lost me at the sample requirements, but in case you’re still reading….

Let’s go under the surface:

We work with the best clients in the industry. Seriously. And if they aren’t, we’ll fire them. ? Because life’s too short to do soul-sucking work with soul-sucking people. We want to produce the best content imaginable for the best sites and the best people in the space. The plus side is that you get access to smart, low maintenance clients that’ll blow up that portfolio.

Red Flag — the oversell is too much (as is the smiley face). “Blow up” the portfolio? Color me skeptical.

You will become a MUCH better writer in a very short amount of time. Why? Because you’ll write and write and write. We’ll give you the tools, support, training, and feedback to learn how to write more in less time. You’ll go from one article in eight hours to one in four. You do the math on that hourly rate.

There’s soooo much in this one point. Let’s dissect:

Red Flag — if you’ll become a “MUCH” better writer, from what level are they assuming you’re starting out?

Red Flag — …you’ll “write and write and write.” Translation: you’ll do nothing but write for these people. Nothing (not sleep or eat). For these people. Forget other clients, for you’ve just been warned you won’t have the time. Didn’t they just say life was too short to do soul-sucking work for soul-sucking people?

Red Flag — writing one article in four hours. From writing one in eight. I don’t know about your math, but if you’re doing less work, wouldn’t that amount to a lower total if you’re being paid hourly? Also, how long are these articles? Do they require research? Are they original content?

You’ll have the freedom of being a freelance writer, like unlimited vacation, work your own hours, work with top-tier clients, eventually getting handed your own top-tier bylines, etc. Except, you won’t have to deal with all the headaches, like email, meetings, client management, billing, self-promotion, and more.

Red Flag — Oh, yes they did. They just promised you the exact same perks you already get from being a freelancer. How very generous. And they’re going to take care of all that fussy office work for you. You know, the stuff you don’t really get to avoid because you A) still have to answer their emails, B) still have to manage them as clients (unless they’re considering themselves your employer, in which case you get vacation pay — woo!), C) still have to bill them, and D) still have to promote yourself to get the friggin’ job.

Red Flag — But those bylines? There’s the carrot. You have to earn that. How? Oh, you have to be an insider for that kind of information, I imagine. They’re not going to tell you, but they sure will dangle that out there for you to salivate over (as if a byline alone ever paid your bills).

If you’re a ‘writer’ who doesn’t like to write, this position won’t work well for you. The good news is that we’ll strip away all of the other BS that distracts you from writing. But on the flip side, we expect ~8 long-form articles each week on average for full-time people. Typically, that means you’re putting in a solid 6-8 hours a day (half is usually research, the other half writing)…

Red Flag — guess who you’re competing with for this job? That’s right — people who have never written before, or people who want to be writers and think this will be “fun.” Why would someone who’s a ‘writer’ not want to write? Because they’re not writers!

Red Flag — “We’ll strip away all of the other BS that distracts you from writing”….. Like research? Yay! This could be good.

Red Flag — “…we expect ~8 long-form articles each week…” Whoa. Stop the pony ride right here. Eight articles. Long form? What does that mean?

Red Flag — “…for full-time people.” STOP. No, they’re not “full-time people” — they would then be called “full-time employees.” You cannot require any freelancer to work a certain number of hours and then call them “full-time people.” You just can’t.

Red Flag — “…that means you’re putting in a solid 6-8 hours a day” — like hell I am. Right there, you owe me benefits. And vacation pay, thank you. Oh, you put that bullshit word “typically” in there to try avoiding looking like an employer, but honey, this wouldn’t pass the smell test with any labor relations board.

Red Flag — “half is usually research” — you bastards! You said you were stripping away the BS. And yet, here it is. (Well, the whole thing is really.)

No, we won’t pay you $500+ per post. For a number of reasons, but mostly, you won’t be worth $500+ per post in the early goings. (Harsh, I know.) But we can pay you $5k per month if you’re good. And lots more, as you begin mastering client style guides, requiring less oversight from our team of editors. We don’t care if you’re 19 or 59. We want quality and will give you all the work and money available if you can deliver it.

So. Much. Wrong.

Red Flag — “… you won’t be worth $500+ per post…” Devaluing you before they even get to know you. What a way to build a working relationship.

Red Flag — “We can pay you $5K per month if you’re good…” Why do I get the feeling no on will ever be that definition of “good”?

Red Flag — “We don’t care if you’re 19 or 59…” And I don’t care if someone who is 66 sues you for that right there.

We’re process-based. That means we have resources and checklists we want you to follow so that you can increase consistency and cut down on the time it takes to create an article. ‘Creatives’ might not like this disciplined approach. But we guarantee your ability to produce high-quality content will skyrocket within the first few months.

Red Flag —  “process-based” means you’re going to have to handle that pesky ol’ BS client management. Gosh darn it, they thought we wouldn’t notice!

Red Flag — “… you can increase consistency…” why does this make me think they’re making cake? Then there’s “…cut down on the time it takes to create an article.” Why do we need to do this exactly? Oh, I know! Because we’re after quantity, not quality.

Red Flag — “‘Creatives’ might not like this…” This is where their entire argument (and here you thought it was a job posting — ha!) falls apart. They want “writers” but not “creatives.” What they actually want are typists.

And did anyone else notice they went from calling them posts to calling them articles?

I can’t go on. This one has made me feel a bit queasy. It’s probably all that jerking around…

Try something like this instead:

AARP The Magazine, USA

Features and departments in this magazine cover Finance, Health, Food, Travel, Consumerism, General interest, Profiles or first-person accounts of people who have made a dramatic change in their lives.

Minimum rate: $1/word.

Look at that — no smiley faces and no empty promises. Who knew?

Writers, what’s the worst you’re seeing these days?