What’s on the iPod: The Sky is Crying by Stevie Ray Vaughan
It’s been a nicely paced week so far. After a ridiculously busy first week of October, I have been able to take on two larger projects and get them done almost at leisure. At least, it feels leisurely to have a full day for one project. I kicked up the marketing again, having had no time to even follow up until now, so I’m hoping November, that notoriously slow month, will be another busy one.
I was having a conversation with a fellow freelancer not long ago — at least, I had hoped it was a conversation and not me giving unwanted advice. It’s something I’ve tried to avoid. Every time I see someone doing something that’s ridiculous, I remember what fellow writer Kristen King had said once when we met over lunch, something her mother had told her — just because someone needs to hear something doesn’t mean you should be the one to say it. Forgive me any paraphrase, Kristen. But the advice sure stuck with me.
However…..
There are times when what you’re doing is well-intentioned, but seriously detrimental to your career, your image, your life. It’s in those moments that I find myself sticking my neck out. Maybe that’s to my own detriment, but I can’t help it. If you’re harming yourself, that’s when I go into protective mode.
One such instance came up recently, and I can’t get it out of my head. Why? Because my advice was spot on, but it’s been months and the writer hasn’t said one word in response. I’ve offended, which is never the intention. Who knows what that advice did to my own image? I don’t think the writer is the sort who will circulate my note behind the scenes or build any negative campaign, but I’ve sure seen that happen. I handled it privately, and what I said would never be considered an attack — I spoke from the heart. It may have been tough to hear, though.
Still, I’m hopeful that the advice sticks. It was one of those situations where the image was already beginning to be affected (I’d heard rumblings). This is a nice person who’s trying to build a new business. Once your image is tarnished, even if it’s among peers (maybe especially among peers), you fight a long battle regaining ground.
It used to be I’d say nothing and let people go about their business. However, these days I feel like we’re all in it together. I’ve made mistakes and have had to fight back from bad situations. If I can keep someone else from going down that path, I’ll stick my neck out every time.
In so many cases, I’ve had to do the same thing with clients. I’ve lost a few, too. One client needed to be told his writing style was detrimental to the story. Another client needed to hear that I’ll accept the conference call invitation, but if she doesn’t show (she’d missed every one she’d scheduled), I couldn’t do that any longer. Yet another client needed to hear that his friends weren’t being paid, as I was, for their editing expertise and that his trust was needed for me to give him what he needed.
It happens. Sometimes we have to address the elephant in the room, especially if he’s wearing a tutu and shouting for attention. Well, you get the idea.
Addressing it, well, that takes practice. Here are a few ways I’ve done it over the years:
Remove any emotion. That includes emotional language, like “always” or “never” or anything that’s inflammatory. Keep to the facts only. This is not about you, and it’s not going to work if you strong-arm anyone.
Drop the attitude. Much like the emotional rain check, you need to check your attitude. Yes, you may know everything there is to know about what you’re doing, but no one has ever been convinced by the “I’ve told you again and again” delivery. Ever. Instead, keep your hand-on-hip, finger-wagging tone out of your conversation.
Start with the positive. This is an old method I’ve used throughout my life. If you start any conversation with a positive, you have their attention. “I just love your writing style. It’s so conversational and open. So let’s see how you can improve what you’re saying.” That goes down much better than “You lost me here, and here, and here…”
Create the face-saving moment. When one of my earliest clients came back with what the twelfth revision on something ridiculously minor, I could have flipped out, written them off, and lost a ton of business (I still work with them on occasion). Instead, I took part of the blame and asked “Are we maybe overthinking this? Maybe we should consider this draft complete for now and see what our feedback is. What do you think?”
Build a bridge. Anyone in corporate communications knows this tactic. If you want change to happen, you have to create a space where the other party can easily adopt that change. “What do you think of…” can work, but I find it more effective to say things like “Have we seen this wording before? It sounds familiar. What do you like about it, and what do you think will make it unique?”
Play devil’s advocate. Another great communications tool. I learned this from a classmate in college, who was a communications wonk in a major accounting firm. She said her best line was “Let me be the devil’s advocate for a minute — how many holes can we punch in this message?” It works because no one is being blamed, no one is responsible for screwing up, and everyone (as a team) is now focusing on the strength of what’s been written.
Writers, how do you deliver harsh feedback or advice?
Have you lost clients as a result of telling them what they needed to hear?
I haven't lost a client over advice. One just ignored me. LOL! It was over a copyright issue. The client copied and pasted articles all the time on to their site without permission from the author. The client insisted that since they gave credit to the author and the site, it was okay.
I shared links to reputable sites regarding copyright practices but (like I said), the client chose to ignore it. They were sure I was wrong (and apparently the copyright experts) and they were right.
I tried. 😉
Yikes Cathy. Those are the kinds of people who deserve to learn things the hard way.
Lori, you have some great tips here. When it comes to clients, I don't hesitate to point out problems. For the most part, clients are receptive. The one time I can remember a client not taking it well was in a similar situation to one you mentioned. They kept running my copy by a group of their friends. It was clear those friends were just making suggestions to feel like they had a hand in it. They didn't know what they were talking about. One change actually introduced errors. And some of the feedback contradicted other feedback he received (and he wanted me to incorporate all of it).
I put my foot down and reminded him about our strategy sessions and the plan we'd agreed to, the fact that he was hiring me as not only a writer but a consultant in this case, and made it clear that if he didn't trust me to do my job (and we'd been working together successfully for a while), I wasn't willing to work with him anymore beyond that project. He got upset. But he still came around and we worked together on several more projects (without his buddies' interference).
When it comes to other writers, what I'll say depends largely on how well I know the person. For example, there's a relatively new writer who's making a terrible name for herself among colleagues — abusing relationships, exploiting more experienced pros begging for free content while she says she's too busy when they ask for anything in return, ripping off branding of a well known experienced freelancer, publishing downright false and dangerous "advice" for other writers, etc. She's a prime candidate for some unsolicited advice.
Now, I know you know who that is because word's been getting around and I know you've been targeted. But this freelancer likely has no idea what a terrible reputation she's building for herself among colleagues (especially the more experienced ones she's trying to ride the coattails of). And I have no intention of telling her unless she comes to me directly again (I turned her down the last time she wanted something because of the completely unprofessional approach she took — nagging for more free content she could monetize just a couple of weeks after I'd already written a guest post for the site).
Like I said about Cathy's client, some people deserve to learn the hard way. She's one of them. On the other hand, if a writer I knew well was doing something that could impact their reputation in a negative way (like you or Cathy), I'd tell you in a heartbeat. Reputation management is a big part of PR, and that allows me to pick up on things you might not realize. And you'd know any advice, solicited or not, was coming from a good place (just as I'd know the same if the advice was coming from you). Ultimately it's about relationships and trust.
Lori, I hope the client who forgets her own conference calls gets a big fat bill for each time you show up and she doesn't!
I'm a big proponent of letting people save fave by giving them an out, at least the first time they drop the ball. I also tend to be a fairly positive person and keep my message as positive as possible. I'd rather explain the pros of doing things differently than harp on the cons of what they're already doing.
Love this post, Lori!
In my estimation (and with 62 years of life experience under my belt)…
I can predict,with 100% accuracy, reputation management is much easier than damage control.
Friends, family, and colleagues who genuinely give a hoot about you should never hesitate to stick their necks out and lend advice that saves YOUR neck! 🙂
Too bad about that writer who's digging a grave for herself. Probably hard for professionals like you to witness that sort of thing. With the info you've shared here, I say let her ship sink!
Wow, Cathy. That's crazy! You simply cannot teach some people. Sheesh.
Jenn, I've been in that situation, too. The posse gets involved in edits, and it's suddenly a different project. Worse, they'll take the advice of friends — hell, in one case, an employee — over the people they're paying good money. Makes no sense. I had a guy who insisted on changing everything I edited right back to the way he wanted it (argued it, too). Then he fired me when some employee said it was poorly edited. Sure, at that point it was. But that wasn't my doing.
I do know the person you speak of, and I agree. I'm a bit concerned the tactics being used have already branded this writer as someone less than serious. It's a shame — there's talent there.
Paula, she's long gone. Different issue, too. But I would dial the number, put the phone on speaker, and keep working. I'd hang up after five minutes. Not once did she remember, nor did she ever apologize. Instead, she fired me and called me unprofessional for not fixing a huge mistake she'd made (didn't clear an article topic with the expert's company) in under two hours (she was looking for me to donate my time, I suspect). The mistake meant ditching the article, interviewing three new people, and writing another article. For $250. HELL no.
An out is all anyone really needs. I've never been one who enjoys holding feet to the flames. It's stupid – someone needs to win, which means someone else needs to lose. And if you win, what exactly do you win?
AMEN, Melanie! So true. It's easier to keep things intact than to patch holes later on.