Over the weekend I did some trimming to my blog roll and to my general philosophy about a few contacts in the writing world. See, I have little problem linking to you if you’re engaging with people who comment, you visit once in a blue moon, or you link back. While linking back to me isn’t a necessity, it helps if you’re one of those types who don’t visit or comment or even acknowledge a pulse exists beyond your own site. You gotta give me something here, people!
I linked to one site in particular for ages. Yet in trying to engage the site owner, I got nothing. Asking direct questions – pointless as they were never answered. Trying to engage the owner in the comments section – same result. I’m sure this person is a good person, but in the realm of networking, there’s a huge disconnect. Networking is something that in some way must be a two-way street. I don’t care how popular your site is – you cannot expect visitors to continue visiting, or frankly caring, if you post and disappear. Silence like that comes across as unfeeling, uncaring, and a bit on the arrogant side, no matter what your true intention is. Next!
There are a few sites I’ll always link because of the interaction I find there – Tess Gerritsen has always engaged with her visitors and she’s sent one or two notes to me directly. That’s a person who isn’t talking to you only to further her career. She’s a genuine soul. So is J. A. Konrath, whose site on writing is exceptional, and his sense of humor is a welcome addition to the comment roll. And I like sites like Writing Frump for the sheer fun of it, as well as the I Can Has Cheezburger site – my favorite place for a laugh. If it’s a fellow freelance writer, I have to feel connected in some way.
Are there some sites that you link to that simply aren’t linking back? Are there other bloggers who just won’t give you the time of day? If so, how do you handle that? What have been your experiences?
Truly, I think it’s amazing when anybody comments on my blog . . . so I do try to keep up my end of the relationship by commenting on their comments, visiting their sites and commenting there or linking back to them in some way, but when I get busy one of the first things that goes out the window is my blog-reading (and writing) time.
My personal blog’s new since September, but I have noticed a few blogger patterns of the one way street variety. Then there’s the one blogger who got p.o.ed for some reason unknown to me and wouldn’t comment or engage in any way, even though I made many attempts. *shrug*
Once I, too, deleted the site in question, I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me, and I could release my anger.
How cleansing!
I’m culling my blogroll right now, and I’m at the point where, if I’m not linked in return, I’m dropping it. I’ve had it.
NO ONE is that important/busy that they can’t drop by someone else’s blog occasionally to drop a comment, or can’t take the 27 (I timed it) seconds to add a link.
Buh-bye to those!
Ladies, all of you are regulars here and I try like the devil to be a regular on your site. Besides, I like you all. :))
Devon, I agree completely. This blog, for me, is a marketing tool as well as a place to hang out with other writers. If reciprocation hasn’t happened in say, three years, it’s pretty obvious – dump the link and forget about the site owner. That may sound harsh to some, but given my attempts to get to know this particular person over the past 3 years, I’m convinced there’s no way we’ll ever do each other any good or even become friendly. I’d much rather put my efforts into people who are a bit more genuine and frankly, much more likeable.
This is a post I really appreciate, Lori. Everything you are saying, I agree with. My blogroll disappeared when I had the site redesigned, but you have ut a fire under my bum to get it up again quickly.
But you post on others’ blogs, Kim. You participate, you get to know people … that’s a huge difference from the one in question, which I won’t name. What’s telling is that the site is gone from my roll, but I guarantee the site owner will never even know it or come here to look. I don’t think the person’s EVER been here, so I suspect I may have put too much emphasis on wanting to build any network to include this one.
I’ve been bad about visiting ANYONE’S blogs lately. Which isn’t good, because I feel horribly guilty almost every day now. Oops. But then again, I’ve been just as bad about posting. 😉
Hello this is Brianna visiting first time to this site and find it very interesting. I really like to join it.and really want to continue the discussion with this site.
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brianna
Social Bookmarking
See? The people who shouldn’t be feeling guilty do. Stop it. :)) We get busy. Stuff gets in the way. I’m talking about habitually not caring beyond your own existence. No one who’s ever visited here or posted here (even ol’ brianna up there who’s obviously an advertisement for this social bookmarking thing) would qualify as a non-reciprocator. You guys are the best. It’s the ones (and there are so few) who don’t realize that other URLs exist. We’re talking in the three years I’ve had this up here, these people haven’t bothered to stop by once. Nope. Nada.
I really do think it may be a case of my higher expectations bumping up against a case of “No, I don’t wanna.” Either way, I’m not wasting any more time on people like that. I’d much rather spend it with you guys. :))
I have to say I’ve been pretty bad about this. There are loads of great blogs out there that I link to, but visiting each of them daily and leaving a comment on each one (especially a thoughtful, interesting comment that is worth reading) has proved to be too much for me in busy months. Sometimes I’m a bit lax about responding to comments, too. It’s definitely not personal and I appreciate any comments and visitors I get…but sometimes things get busy, and I have to put the paying projects first. I feel bad, but sometimes it just gets to be overwhelming.
Lori, thanks for dropping by my blog to leave a comment. I figured I would reciprocate — and when I got here and found this post, I new I was on the right track 🙂
So far I’ve largely limited my blogroll to political sites that influence me a lot. I need to build a longer blogroll with a section for “Friends with Blogs”, as I saw somewhere… I couldn’t figure out how to do that, but it just dawned on me — each section is a different “gadget,” duh.
I enjoy your ruminations on the writing life. I’m torn between continuing to try to make a living on my own or going back to a corporate or agency job (if I can find one). Difficult times…
Lori, I have to admit that some of the blogs on my blogroll were courtesy adds, but after reading your post I felt empowered to trim some of the excess. In fact, when I tried the links on my blogroll I discovered many of them no longer worked! It was time.
I totally agree with Jennifer’s comment and sometimes I feel guilty that I’m getting more comments than I’m giving. But I’d rather save comments for times when I really have something to say.
PS I think I know which blogger you’re referring to. That person is no longer on my blogroll either. Too bad.
Glad to see you all here! Kirk, welcome. Been waiting for you. I enjoy thoroughly your very sensible view of politics – refreshing!
(Please visit his blog, folks. We’ve been chums for years and he’s a good soul – http://kirkpete.blogspot.com)
Susan, I’m betting it’s the same one. I’ll be over to look in a minute.
Jen, you’re fine. :)) I’m not advocating anyone spending every single day commenting – you just can’t. But show up once or twice every so often, or interact with those who visit. You, Jen, already do this.
Why is it the guilty never see themselves in print while the innocent always worry it’s them? :))
I agree! I have quit blogging now, but I was really blogging connect with other writers. I know people read my blog, but there was never any interaction even when I asked my readers questions. After a while, it wasn’t worth it to me anymore. Now I just read blogs and rarely comment b/c I suppose I got a little bitter that no one wanted to talk to me. It sounds silly, but if you enjoy a blog enough to read it, comment now and then. Let the writer know they made an impact. If nothing else, say hello! I felt very lonely as a blogger, honestly. I’m sure I was not alone. So, hello Lori! Thanks for blogging, I always enjoy your posts 🙂
Hello, April. :)) I miss your blog.
You sure do have a way of kicking people into action don’t ya! I do list blogs that I don’t have time to read as much as I like but I list them as references for others who may be able to learn some things or be entertained. I don’t know that I’ve not been given the time of day on a blog… I’ll have to think about that because my circle is small and everyone I connect with seems to connect back in some way, shape or form. Maybe I’m lucky? Maybe I’m popular like that? ;-D